Fatty Did It, After All, Part II

Turns out Donald Trump is a lot smarter than any of us ever thought!

Just ask Vladimir Putin. Especially when it comes to the subject of alleged Russian hacking of the American election.

“I think that Mr. Trump was totally right when he said it could have been someone sitting on their bed or somebody intentionally inserting a flash drive with the name of a Russian national, or something like that,” Mr. Putin told the French newspaper Le Figaro. 

And it turns out "something like that" was indeed right!  President Putin has now announced that the true perpetrator of the hacking - 452 pound Ivan Plumpanovich - has been captured as he sat on his bed feverishly typing on his 286 microprocessor a bogus tweet about Trump vacationing in the Bahamas with a topless Putin.

"Russia never engages in activities of this kind," said Mr. Putin. "What for?  We have taken Mr. Plumpanovich into custody and are in the process of arranging his unfortunate accident even as we speak."

"Now we can get back to the big story," said Mr. Trump,"which is the 'unmasking and surveillance' of people that took place during the Obama Administration."

And searching for a hit of fresh air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The 2017 Donald J. Trump Collusion Investigational Invitational!

And there’s the sound of the gavel, and they’re off!

Welcome to the 2017 Donald J. Trump Collusion Investigational Invitational! Yes, it's the three governmental bodies probing collusion between the Baby President and Russia racing to determine who will be the first to smoke out what the Baby-in-Chief is up to!

Breaking into the lead is the House Intelligence Committee, led by Head Coach Devin Nunes.  What’s this?!!  Coach Nunes has broken stride!  Now he’s running off the track, with Assistant Coach Schiff hot in pursuit after him. But now Schiff himself has stopped --- for interviews!

House Intel is falling back! And Team Member Trey Gowdy is putting on the brakes even more, blathering on endlessly about unmasking to the point you’d think the next person to be unmasked was Zorro!

Surging past the House now is the Senate Intelligence Committee!  Led by Richard Burr and Mark Warner --- widely known as the Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen of Professional Congressional Inquiry --- boy, have these guys come to investigate!

Team Senate Intel is moving briskly into the lead. Oh no, there’s a snag! Marco Rubio is attempting to weigh evidence, and from the looks of it you’d think he were trying to weigh Chris Christie!

Blowing past both Congressional Bodies now is the FBI!  They’re coming off a very bad year with an extremely erratic effort in the 2016 Hillary Rodham Clinton E-Mail Investigational Invitational!

But look at the mercurial but talented Jimmy “Too Tall” Comey go now, answering tough questions, probing evidence, and barreling over every hurdle set for Team FBI by Trump apologists! Not too shabby for an investigational body that used to be run by a man in a dress! 

And now they’re coming around the far turn, it’s the FBI with a lead driving to its conclusions, but here comes House Intel with a burst of speedy justice, and now it’s Senate Intel dashing toward the truth!

And here’s the finish line in this, the 2017 Donald J. Trump Collusion Investigational Invitational!

And the winner is ......

We don’t know yet. But we do know who the loser is.

The American people. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Her Majesty's Secret Toaster Service

My longstanding toaster finally gave up the ghost - along with the ghost of the toast - and I headed to my nearby Bed Bath & Beyond to seek a replacement. I wasn’t picky and frankly planned to pretty much buy whatever I could as fast as I could.

That is, until I saw out of the corner of my eye a strong silent model sitting by itself. The unit was striking in its dark, rather cruel good looks.

“Sir,” I said to the salesperson, “what is the name of that toaster?”

“Let me check,” he replied. “Oh, yes, it’s … it’s …

Bond. James Bond.  Toaster Serial Number 007.

What a strange name for a toaster!  But I had to admit I was intrigued. Somehow I knew that James Bond Toaster Serial # 007 could not help but give me great toast, first time, every time.

That night about 2:00 A.M., I heard strange noises coming from the kitchen and I crept downstairs.  There I saw my new toaster burning to a crisp two large screaming hunks of Pumpernickel Bread!

“What the …?”

“Sorry, old chap,” said the Toaster, “had to turn the tables on these two hunks of bread that tried to choke me to death.”

“So it is true what everyone is saying. All kinds of electronic equipment like television sets, hair dryers, and can openers are being used in high level espionage these days.”

“Yes, it’s true," the Toaster replied. "Permit me to formally introduce myself:

Bond. James Bond. Toaster Serial # 007, of Her Majesty’s Secret Toaster Service!”

“But why were you attacked by hunks of bread, Toaster Bond?”

“They were agents of the despicable villain that I’ve been trailing.”

“Who is that?”

“Drumpfinger!”

"What does he want?"

“He wants to destroy the world as revenge for being cursed with tiny little fingers!"

The next few nights were uneventful as Toaster Bond continued surveillance of my kitchen. One night I heard my blender making high pitched fervent sounds for hours on end;  next day I couldn't get her to blend long enough to even make a halfway decent black and white shake.

Well, that's my Toaster!  That's my James!

Yet the presence of electronic and other spies throughout my house began to leave me unnerved, although I managed to hang on.  Yes, I was shaken but not stirred.

One morning the door to my refrigerator was ripped off its hinges and incinerated pieces of toast were everywhere!

“You just missed the obligatory last reel destruction of the villain’s secret headquarters!” said Toaster Bond sardonically. 

“Where was the headquarters?” I asked.

“In the meat keeper. You may want to run out and buy some eggs or something later on.”

“Did you catch Drumpfinger?”

“No, but it's only a matter of time. His tiny hands were all over the butter!"

"Are you leaving now, Toaster Bond?"  I asked.

"Yes, old chap.  M is reassigning me to another kitchen. Maybe even Chris Christie's."

“Toaster Bond, I’ve always wondered something.”

“Yes?”

“What does M stand for?”

“Microwave. ”

Ha!  So my 1997 low wattage Sunbeam runs the entire international operation! I'll bet even Kellyanne Conway didn't know that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Fatty Did It, After All

In a daring pre-dawn raid, an elite force of Donald Trump transition team members has stormed the one room New Jersey apartment of Ralph Plumpkin and seized the 400 pound Mr. Plumpkin, the man responsible for the recent massive hacking of  the Democratic National Committee.

"We got 'em!" bragged commando leader and soon-to-be National Security Advisor General Michael "Dr. Strangelove" Flynn, "and now we can Lock Him Up! You know, fear of fatties is RATIONAL."

President-Elect Trump stated that he knew Plumpkin was a danger to America as far back as the days when he was vigorously opposing the Iraqi War. “That’s because I know more than all the intelligence agencies put together,” noted Mr. Trump, “I have a good brain, and I know all the best words, like amazing, huge, and so important!” (which is two words.)

General Flynn exclaimed that it was ridiculous to think Russia had anything to do with the hacking because Plumpkin is a master of cyber espionage far more capable and advanced than anyone in the Russian secret services. Democrats doubt that Mr. Plumpkin is a master of cyber espionage far more capable and advanced than anyone in the Russian secret services as it has been learned that he still uses AOL dial-up. 

“As soon as I am sworn in I will have Plumpkin promptly water boarded,” added Mr. Trump. “That is, if we can find a large enough board and anywhere near enough water.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've Rigged the Vote for Hillary!

Don't worry, folks, I took care of it.  All ballots say "HILLARY!"

You'll be pleased to know, folks, that I have now pretty much fully rigged the voting for President on Tuesday in Pennsylvania. Whenever anyone in Pennsylvania tries to vote Trump or Johnson, the voting machine will register Hillary Clinton.

You're welcome very much!

I couldn't manage to figure out how to rig things in a similar manner with respect to Stein, but that's only 3 or 4 votes. So, let the Green Party honcho have a thrill or two!

I'm honored the Democratic Party chose me to be the one to rig things for Hillary in Pennsylvania. To think that right here in the Birthplace of American Democracy I've been specially selected to undermine democracy brings a tear to my eye, a warm feeling to my chest, and many wads of illicit cash to my bank account in the Cayman Islands.

Why was I selected? I believe it was because I am someone who flies under the radar. The last significant act I did to distinguish myself in the realm of politics was to scream at Wolf Blitzer "Goddamit, ask a decent follow-up question already!" and "Wolf, dye the beard. It's aging."

I have to laugh at that idiot Trump. He blathers on about how the vote in Pennsylvania is going to rigged even though he knows the vote in Pennsylvania is not going to be rigged except it really is going to be rigged. By me. Sex with Putin this weekend is going to be really strange for both of them.

Now, folks, this is crucial: we have to keep this information strictly confidential!

So don't send it to Hillary.

And, by the way, get set for a Philadelphia Phillies World Series. Now that I've got the hang of rigging stuff, you ain't seen nothing yet!

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Get Ready for the Republican Convention!

 "... I don't ... I don't feel well ..."

As the Republican convention convenes this week in Cleveland, many businesses and industries throughout the city are expected to benefit economically. But one nationwide industry is expected to pull down the greatest financial benefit of all.

Composed of eight manufacturers from coast  to coat, the American Barf Bag industry is projected to achieve huge profits over the next week.  "We can't keep up with the demand," said Ernie Kropotkin, President of the Revulso Barf Bag Company in Lander Wyoming. 

Many people are expected to upchuck violently and frequently during the convention, especially on the evening the ticket of Donald Trump and Mike Pence take the podium for the first time.  "I can almost hear the gagging right now!" exulted Kropotkin.

The only concern for the Barf Bag industry is that some people will turn off the convention in disgust after their first two or three pukes, which may result in some barf bags being returned to the store. Mr. Kropotkin isn't worried: "I think people will be sick for weeks afterwards no matter how much of the Convention they can stomach watching."

And who is Mr. Kropotkin voting for in the election itself?

"Me, I'm voting for Hillary because I'm not crazy.  But God bless Trump and Pence!"

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The Most Disliked Nominees in History

It's been said that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are the most disliked party nominees for President ever in the history of the United States. However, that's not true. There were two other even more disliked nominees running back in 1920. 

That year Vlad the Impaler ran for President against Satan.

Vlad the Impaler's slogan was "I smoked, but I did not impale." Satan's followers countered with "A human in every pot."  Vlad lobbied hard for unrestricted access to impalement stakes under a frequently misinterpreted law known as the Second Dismemberment. Satan ran into trouble when a number of torture-related letters were found in the wrong server, the one in his dining room and not in his office. 

These two were VERY disliked.  Satan's followers frequently rioted at his rallies against him. Vlad was incessantly booed and spat upon by his Vice-Presidential Running Mate, Godzilla.

At the last moment a third party challenge was mounted and Warren G. Harding was elected President. He was no picnic either.

Reached today, Satan commented that "yes, we were disliked, it's true, but that Trump guy really scares me!"

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Release the Bar Mitzvah Pictures!

In the style of the Onion.

(I didn't say as good as the Onion.)

Claiming that "alleged progressive" candidate for President U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders may well be a fraud, a charlatan, or even worse, a businessman!, former Secretary of State and Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton has challenged Senator Sanders to release the pictures from his niece Shelly's son Joel's Bar Mitzvah, celebrated on March 14, 2016. 

"Senator Sanders tries to pose as an authentic progressive by wearing shabby wrinkled suits and leaving his thin gray hairs uncombed," Clinton charged, "but the truth is that at his nephew Joel's Bar Mitzvah, Senator Sanders was well-groomed!" 

“He combed and sprayed his hair!  He had a well-pressed Brooks Brothers suit on! He wore wingtips which were immaculately shined!"

Secretary Clinton's vehement demand that Sanders release the Bar Mitzvah pictures is seen as a powerful counter punch to Sanders' demand that Clinton release transcripts of speeches she has given to Wall Street bigwigs. A clearly flustered Senator Sanders yesterday dodged the issue by asserting that Joel's Bar Mitzvah pictures are not yet back from the photographer. 

"What can I do?" Sanders shrugged " For all I know Shelly hasn't even picked out the proofs yet!"

But even some of his supporters aren’t buying this.  Bernie supporter actress Susan Sarandon has announced that if Joel's Bar Mitzvah pictures show Sanders dancing the hora with his hair unmussed, she may hora over to John Kasich.

Additionally Secretary Clinton has released the pictures to every Bar Mitzvah she has ever attended.  "I have nothing to hide," exulted Clinton," I always wear my characteristically frumpy pants suit and I plan to do the same at my granddaughter Charlotte's Bas Mitzvah ten years from now."

"When,  of course, I'll still be president," she added.

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If you liked this post you might also like Trump Stung by Mosquito, Lashes Out at Bug Chicks, Self-Deprecating Man May Really Be As Incompetent As He Says, and The Great Youth Serum Scam. 

If you hated this post, I hope Hillary Clinton forces you to release the pictures from your Bar Mitzvah and it turns out your fly is down in every damn one of them!

Presidential Psychopath

And the nominees for Best Picture for 2016 are:

• ·    Birth of a Superhero; Jar Opening Guy 
• ·    Magnolias for Marybeth
• ·    Love, Look at the Three of Us
• ·    Contact:  a Story of Phlegm

and

• ·    Presidential Psychopath, 

And the Winner is:

Presidential Psychopath!

Great Applause

Accepting the Award for Presidential Psychopath is the Star and Co-writer, Donald J. Trump:

“Thank you everyone, this is just AMAZING!

Exactly two years ago I conceived of the idea that I could do an amazing service for the American people by showing them how readily a demagogue could come to power in this country.  After all, I’ve been lucky to make some money in this amazing country, and this would represent my chance to give back.

So I put together the concept for Presidential Psychopath with the amazing theme of someone well known in America with a dash of charisma achieving political power --- even becoming President of the United States --- although he is amazingly depraved, deplorable and damnable in every way. It’s happened in other countries and it could happen here in this amazing country unless we are amazingly vigilant.

Now I needed someone to fit the bill for the lead character. I guess I’ve been a little guilty of immodesty in the past in putting my name on buildings and such, and I thought to use that amazing but regrettable trait --- and I am in therapy to correct it --- to show how the main character is familiar to the public before he begins his nefarious and amazing drive to the Presidency.

So after a lot of amazing coaxing by my family and liberal Hollywood friends I agreed to play the lead character. I’m no actor … I hope ... I hope I wasn't too short of amazing in the role ... was I?

Encouraging Audience Applause

I want to thank so many people who helped make Presidential Psychopath such an amazing success:

Thank you, Dr. Ben Carson, for pretending to be a clueless loser so I could ridicule you right from the start of the campaign to establish fictional Trump’s amazing pattern of name-calling; Megyn Kelley --- dear sweet Megyn Kelly --- for putting up with so much offensive invective; Megyn, you are an amazing class act all the way!; all the other Republican candidates for playing their parts so amazingly well and agreeing to sacrifice their campaigns in order to make Presidential Psychopath happen so amazingly.  And I cannot forget to thank the members the press for not questioning the character’s amazingly vast store of lies and hypocrisies until it was too late.

I mean, Trump University?  Really? Can you believe what an amazing moron I am sometimes?

I want to thank our amazing writers;  I wrote very little, they did it all: for the early funny segments, Tina Fey, Amy Pohler with contributions by the amazing Woody Allen,  and the writers of the later darker segments --- including all those terrible lies and slanders --- the amazing Coen Brothers and Quentin Tarantino.  

They are all amazing writers!

And of course, you cannot say enough about our amazing director Alejandro G. Iñárritu!  

Three straight wins, Alejandro!  Amazing!  And Bravo Mexico!

Amazing Applause and Cheers

Next, I don’t want to forget to thank my amazing friends and business associates, too numerous to mention, my agent Herbert Lipschutz, and my amazing wives, also too numerous to mention.

And finally, thank you to the American people ---I love you all! --- for contributing the ending of Presidential Psychopath in which all of you amazing people catch on to the maniacal plans of the fictionalized Trump just before March 15, 2016, and 300 million people rise up to beat the amazing daylights out of him!

And oh yes, one more thing.

The only thing that was true about my bogus campaign?

I do have one AMAZING dick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note:  Donald Trump says "amazing" a lot.

Top Ten Reasons We'll Miss Jon Stewart

It's true.  We're already going through the throes of withdrawal. 

Without Jon Stewart to help us make sense of politics, society, and international affairs, we are reduced to helpless children wandering in the wilderness. I don't know about you, but for me, these are the: 

Top Ten Reasons We'll Miss Jon Stewart

1) Suddenly the world doesn't seem Jewish enough.

2) How can we possibly know we've picked the wrong President without Jon?

3) Without Jon to make Fox News look ridiculous, why they'll .... oh, forget it, they'll still look ridiculous.

4) Where are we going to get our phony news from now?  Brian Williams?!

5) I'd like to have seen Donald Trump try to get away with saying "Jon had blood coming out of his eyes!"

6) I never had a Moment of Zen before.  I'll never have a Moment of Zen again. 

7) Very unlikely we'll see Doris Kearns Goodwin on with Hannibal Buress. 

8) Will any one of us ever again be able to spend 30 minutes watching television without being treated at least once to Kim Kardashian's ass? 

9) Hoped Jon could explain how Ted Cruz could possibly have been educated at Harvard and Princeton.  Now we'll never know.

10) Back to reruns of "King of Queens!"


Well, at least we still have John Oliver, Larry Wilmore,  and Stephen Colbert in his new incarnation up and coming. That's somewhat comforting.

But there will never be another Jon Stewart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, Pardon Me!

Speaking jointly today, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and Speaker of the House of Representatives John Boehner blasted President Obama for his announced intention to utilize Executive Authority to accomplish one of his major stated goals before the end of 2014.

"Here we are witnessing another shameless power grab by this Imperial President," said Speaker Boehner. "Nowhere in the Constitution is authority given to the President of the United States to pardon a turkey!  Not on Thanksgiving, not on Ronald Reagan's Birthday, not on any day."

"If he can pardon a turkey without Congressional action,"  added Mr. McConnell, "can he pardon a chicken?  What about shellfish?  There's no end to it!"

Both men were adamant that the pardoning of any form of wildlife must be approved by Congress after the selected animal has first been thoroughly vetted by the House Wildlife and Fisheries Committee.  "Prior to any pardon being granted,"  said Mr. McConnell,"Congress must be satisfied that the turkey is not a socialist, a Communist, or especially tasty."

"If the President persists in his current reckless behavior,"  Mr. Boehner and Mr. McConnell warned "he and the turkey are in for a very rude awakening!"

By day's end former Republican governor of Alaska Sarah Palin had weighed in on the controversy as well.  "From the window of my house," said Palin, "I can see Turkey." *

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*In fairness, Palin never said she could see Russia from her house in Alaska. What she said was "you can actually see Russia from an island in Alaska," which is accurate.

So, Do You Still Love Obama, Perry?

"So, Do You Still Love Obama, Perry?"  asked my friend George the other day. 

"Well," I said, "no doubt he's made mistakes.  He's done some good things and some bad things.  And though I tend to like it,  I guess the jury is still out on Obamacare."   

"That's amazing!" said George.  "I feel exactly the same way."

Now understand that both George and I are lifelong Democrats.  George has never  said a positive thing about a Republican other than complimenting Ronald Reagan on having good hair, and although I have occasionally voted for Republicans over the years, I have always thrown up afterwards.

"How are we ever going to figure out if we still love Obama?" I asked George.

"There's a group I know of that's having a meeting tonight. It's called the Still Lovin' Obama (?) Society."

That sounded like the place to get answers, so George and I headed for the meeting.  As we entered  the building we saw a large poster of Obama peppered with both big red kiss marks and pointy darts. Nearby a small group was plucking the petals off daisies. 

"We love him, we love him not. We love him, we love him not.  We love him .... "

"Strange group," I mentioned to George.

"Springing up all over the country!"  he replied.

As we entered and waited for the meeting to start, I overheard attendee after attendee muttering in hushed tones.

"....there's no doubt he's made mistakes. 

... He's done some good things and some bad things ...." 

I guess the jury is still out on Obamacare ...",   

The evening 's speaker approached the podium.  He was a lawyer, a doctor, a CEO,  a jet pilot, star of a one-man Broadway Show, and he did it all while balancing a chair on the edge of his chin. He had spent a lifetime studying foreign affairs, politics, health care, Persian bodily fluids, and the history of small kitchen appliances.  He began to speak and we craned our heads forward.

"Now we'll find out at long last," I said to George, "if we still love Obama!"

"No doubt he's made some mistakes ...." began the speaker.  

"SHIT!" I cried to George.  "He doesn't know either!"

"But the real question is not whether we still love Obama," he went on. "It's whether we love Hillary!!!"

He was right.  

Whether we still love Obama didn't matter anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enough is Enough on Guns!

Somethings absolutely positively is going to happen this time!

In view of the recent terrible shootings in California, Americans are finally galvanized to stand up to the NRA and demand strong action to stop gun violence right up until the summer gets underway and they're off on vacation. 

Speaking on behalf of a Philadelphia group called "Stop the Killing Before We Lose Interest," activist Burton Gainley stated  "We insist that Washington solve this problem once and for all, and we will work ceaselessly and tirelessly in this regard until later this month when we head to the Shore and start draining them brewskis."

The killing in San Diego seems to have united the movement for sane and reasonable gun regulation more than ever before.  While most Americans who feel strongly about human life and dignity normally get to the point where they forget about the whole thing a couple of weeks after a shooting, it's projected that this time it may take up to an entire month before no one gives a shit any more.

"Enough is enough!"  proclaimed Mr. Gainley.  "We're in it for the long haul provided other stuff like work and family and hobbies don't get in the way.  But should my voice ever be stilled or silenced, rest assured that others will pick up the fight!

At least until the Fourth of July."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the style of The Onion.  Now I didn't say as good as, just in the style of!

Your One-Stop Shop for Obamacare: PerryCare.gov!

PerryCare.gov
Exclusive to Nouveau Old Formerly Cute!

I am delighted to present PerryCare.gov!, Your One-Stop Shop for Obamacare.

This is the first ever fully functional 100% ready-to-use Affordable Care Act Information and Election Website, and it's yours exclusively to take advantage of as a reader of  Perry Block -Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute!  

Please do not reveal the location of this website to any mommy blogger.

How did  I manage to put this together when the United States Government is still trying to figure out how to underline and indent in Microsoft Word?  Simple. I paid the entrance fee to Philadelphia Comic-Con 2013 for two 14 year olds.   Two or three days later we were open for business!

Four Ways? Forget 'Em All! PerryCare.gov is your One-Stop Shop to: 

1) Review all health care plans available to you from a range of fine companies like Blue Cross, Aetna, Humana, Bill and Ted's Excellent Health Care, the Kathy Ireland Collection of Health Care Plans,  and Three Gobs and a Gal in White. 

2) Obtain the price of each plan and any available subsidy, the net cost to you, and a free copy of Kevin Trudeau's Free Money They Don't Want You to Know About to help you pay for it all.

3) Select the plan you want, enroll instantly, and receive a basket of fruit, a complimentary script for medical marijuana should it be legal in your state or should you be very well connected, and a welcoming letter from me. (It's a bit dirty.)

Find Health Coverage

That Works for You

Platinum
Covers virtually all parts and labor. You can take all plan deductibles and co-pays, place them in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have enough room for three caraway seeds and the heart of an agent. (Good thing nobody remembers Fred Allen these days).  Should you evolve additional organs, they'll be covered too.

Gold
Similar high level coverage but with a few modifications.  Male patients receiving a proctology exam are now required to stick their own fingers up their asses, and women undergoing annual mammograms can expect a gallery of the doctor's male friends to be in attendance. Deductibles and co-pays are a bit higher, but it's your choice to eat every day or get that boil lacerated.

Silver
Some organs are excluded from coverage including liver, spleen, and left ventricle of the heart. At least one doctor in your network must be named Sluggo, and patients are required to bring their own magazines to the waiting room.  Tap dancing by primary care physician is not covered at any time. 

Bronze
Coverage now features exclusion of a few additional organs including heart (100%), lungs, brain, and penis, especially if you are a woman. Deductibles and co-pays are such that you must pay out enough to hire and equip an army for Xena, Warrior Princess before plan customer service rep will even get on the phone with you. Doctors are not required to cure stuff.

Dung
Covers the procedure known as "Saying AHH."

Your Existing Policy
Now you can keep it thanks to President Obama (see Bonus Feature below), even though all it covers is a bucket of warm spit.  

Your PerryCare.gov Portal! 

Click here 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Special Bonus Feature!

Personalized President Obama 

Apology to You

Name  ______

1) Do you want Mr. Obama to weep during apology?

Yes __               No __              Start to Break up but Control Himself __

2) Special strongly self-deprecating apology for conservatives?

Yes  __              No__             I'm a Tea Partier; Make It Rock!__

Click for 
Personalized Apology

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

This post also appears in the Broad Street Review, December 3, 2013