In a daring pre-dawn
raid, an
elite force of Donald Trump transition team members has stormed the one room New Jersey apartment of Ralph Plumpkin and seized the
400 pound Mr. Plumpkin, the man responsible for the recent massive hacking of the Democratic National Committee.
"We got 'em!" bragged commando leader and
soon-to-be National Security Advisor General Michael "Dr. Strangelove"
Flynn, "and now we can Lock Him Up! You know, fear of fatties is RATIONAL."
President-Elect Trump stated that he knew Plumpkin was a danger to America as far back as the days when he was vigorously
opposing the Iraqi War. “That’s because I know more than all the intelligence
agencies put together,” noted Mr. Trump, “I have a good brain, and I know
all the best words, like amazing, huge, and so important!” (which is two words.)
General Flynn exclaimed that it was ridiculous to think Russia had anything to do with the hacking because Plumpkin is a master of cyber espionage far more capable and advanced than anyone in the Russian secret services. Democrats
doubt that Mr. Plumpkin is a master of cyber espionage far more capable and advanced than anyone in the Russian secret services as it has been learned that he still uses AOL
dial-up.
“As soon as I am sworn
in I will have Plumpkin promptly water boarded,” added Mr. Trump. “That is, if
we can find a large enough board and anywhere near enough water.”
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