Disney Presents "The Sean Hannity Club"

WHO'S THE LEADER OF THE CLUB THAT'S MADE FOR YOU AND ME?

S-E-A-N H-A-N-N-I-T-Y  

HEY THERE, HI THERE, HO THERE, HE'S THE BIGGEST DOUCHE YOU'LL EVER SEE!

S-E-A-N H-A-N-N-I-T-Y

SEAN HANNITY! 

SEAN HANNITY! 

FOREVER YOU AND STEVE BANNON GONNA CRY,

CRY! CRY! CRY!

COME ALONG AND JOIN THIS SCUM AND HIS RIDICULOUS REPARTEE

S-E-A-N H-A-N-N-I-T-Y

SEAN HANNITY!!! 

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Even though Fox News has not been acquired by Disney and will be spun off into a separate company, I couldn't resist making fun of one of the biggest assholes who ever walked the Earth.  

Oh, and for non-Boomers, this was the opening of the Mickey Mouse Club we all grew up with.  It featured cartoons, songs, and Annette's Funicello's nascent breasts, not lost on even the youngest of us.

Actual Lyrics to Mickey Mouse Club

Who's the leader of the club, That's made for you and me

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

Hey! there, Hi! there, Ho! there,You're as welcome as can be

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

Mickey Mouse!

Mickey Mouse!

Forever let us hold our banner High! High! High! High! 

Come along and sing a song  

And join the jamboree!

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

One is the Loneliest Expression

Tucker,

  Donald Trump thinks you're a nut job.

I'm not the first person to notice that right wing pundit Tucker Carlson, Fox News heir to the deposed Bill O'Reilly, has only one expression on his prep school graduate face. 

Whenever he receives information from a guest that liberals and "the Deep State" have been sabotaging the otherwise gloriously successful President of the United States Donald Trump by spreading the vicious, scurrilous, and wholly malignant falsehood that Trump is a douchebag, Carlson evinces a sort of perplexed incredulity.

Haven't watched Carlson? Wouldn't stoop to watching Fox News? You can pat yourself on the back as you are wise, discerning, and true blue American! But then you won't understand this bit, so ...

 SCREW OFF!

Tucker,  Barack Obama just fucked your wife.

Tucker, know why liberals are yanking Andrew Jackson off the twenty? 
So President Trump will think Jackson is still alive and go batshit crazy that Jackson hasn't called him. 

Tucker,  President Trump thinks you're cute.

Tucker, Barack Obama is not a Muslim after all.  

He's an alien from the planet Krengie and 

WATCH OUT!!! HE'S GOT A RAY GUN!!!

Tucker, what kind of dumbass name is Tucker?

Tucker, one day President Trump will be on Mount Rushmore.

He plans to visit there first thing after he gets out of jail.

Tucker,  liberals are spreading the ridiculous lie that President Trump knows nothing about U.S. History.  Believe me, he knows all about how President Ford was shot in Lincoln Theater!

 Tucker, you've been listening to me like I'm not insane. 
 I don't know the difference between Deep State and Deep Fat!

Tucker, 
zip up that fly.

Tucker, about that video with President Trump and the hooker and the peeing? 
When he sees that thing, even Vladimir Putin throws the hell up!

I can't wait to see Tucker's one and only expression in full display tonight when he listens to his guests parsing over today's news .... and all the news to come.

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"O'Reilly, Trump, & I Got What We Deserved," Says Billy Bush

“Bill O’Reilly only got what he deserved,” former TV celebrity Billy Bush commented yesterday, “just in the same way that Donald Trump and I have been forced to endure the consequences of our thoughtless and disrespectful actions.”

“I’m sure all three of us have learned our lessons,” Mr. Bush added, “only we’ve learned them too late to prevent our lives from being destroyed.”

Mr. Bush has been out of a job since revelations of crude sexually explicit talk with Mr. Trump were exposed in October 2016.  He has since sold his home and most of his personal effects and cannot get a call back even from the recorded tape offering you a free cruise. "I’m looking at doing some local radio in Iceland," said Mr. Bush.

“Now Bill O’ Reilly is out of a job as well, and as I can well tell you nobody in the business is going to want to touch someone so toxic. However many millions Fox is willing to pay him will quickly dwindle down to nothing.”

“But Mr. Trump probably has it the worst.  As President of the United States he is constantly in the public eye and constantly torn with guilt and apprehension as to what people are saying behind his back. When he’s no longer President, who’s going to want to hire him?  Steve Bannon?!!”

“Ten billion dollars sounds like a lot of money, but Mr. Trump will find that it flies out the window like dust in the wind when you have no steady income to back it up!”

“Broke and unemployed --- that’s us! And we three richly deserve it," added Mr. Bush ruefully, as he finished shining my shoes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Top Ten Reasons We'll Miss Jon Stewart

It's true.  We're already going through the throes of withdrawal. 

Without Jon Stewart to help us make sense of politics, society, and international affairs, we are reduced to helpless children wandering in the wilderness. I don't know about you, but for me, these are the: 

Top Ten Reasons We'll Miss Jon Stewart

1) Suddenly the world doesn't seem Jewish enough.

2) How can we possibly know we've picked the wrong President without Jon?

3) Without Jon to make Fox News look ridiculous, why they'll .... oh, forget it, they'll still look ridiculous.

4) Where are we going to get our phony news from now?  Brian Williams?!

5) I'd like to have seen Donald Trump try to get away with saying "Jon had blood coming out of his eyes!"

6) I never had a Moment of Zen before.  I'll never have a Moment of Zen again. 

7) Very unlikely we'll see Doris Kearns Goodwin on with Hannibal Buress. 

8) Will any one of us ever again be able to spend 30 minutes watching television without being treated at least once to Kim Kardashian's ass? 

9) Hoped Jon could explain how Ted Cruz could possibly have been educated at Harvard and Princeton.  Now we'll never know.

10) Back to reruns of "King of Queens!"


Well, at least we still have John Oliver, Larry Wilmore,  and Stephen Colbert in his new incarnation up and coming. That's somewhat comforting.

But there will never be another Jon Stewart.

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Hillary Clinton's Race for the White House Board Game

               Ready, Everyone?  Let's Play!

Just hangin' with Bill one day, giving him shit, and then it occurred to me that ...

I think it might be fun to run a country!

START!

Spin: Announce candidacy with idealistic words "Everyday Americans need a champion. And I want to be that champion."   Advance directly to PAC Plaza and Cash Causeway! 

Spin: Land on Bernie Sanders. Agree that he is a principled, hard working, and caring individual who truly wants the best for America.  Thank God he is un-electable! Spin again. 

Spin:  Land on Rick Perry. Stop to explain his own programs to him.  Lose five turns before giving up.

Spin:  Land on Climate Change. All GOP Candidates think it's false or say "I am not a scientist," including Ben Carson and Bobby Jindal, who are scientists. Proceed directly to White House Vestibule!

                  

                          Enter FOX NEWS FOREST

Spin: Land on Benghazi. "Lies! Treason!  Ignored pleas from consulate for more security including request for a large bald ogre with a club!  Unanswered Questions, many in easy multiple choice format! Told forces to stand down and have a nice lunch! Lies! Treason!

Benghazi!     BENGHAZI!      Benghazi!!!"

(Ah, shut up already, you jerks. Proceed directly to White House Vestibule!)

Spin: Land on Scandal Smorgasbord. "Whitewater, Rose Law Firm, missing files, favoritism, Travelgate, financial  irregularities, unexplained firings, money lost, money made, yada yada, yada" ... Alright, who knows, maybe there is something somewhere. Okay, lose a turn.

Spin: Land on Sean Hannity. If this were a golf course you would now be in the biggest sand trap in history!  Must spin a 7 to get out. Hurry!  And as soon as you are out, don't forget to rake his face!

Depart FOX NEWS FOREST 

Spin: Land on Scott Walker. This guy posed naked and thinks he has the stones to stand up to Putin?! Well, he does have stones anyway.  Lose a turn to ogle him because you probably haven't seen a naked dude in a long time.

Spin:  Land on Rick Santorum.  Stop to explain that Transgender does not refer to train which runs from Europe to Asia as in Transgender Express. Advance 5 
spaces.

Spin: Land on Ted Cruz. Wait a minute! This guy went to Princeton and Harvard?!!  You're incredulous? Go back 3 spaces for being Incredulous!

Spin: Land on Monica Lewinsky.  Lose a turn for Scratching her Eyes Out. 

Spin:  Land on Evolution. All GOP Candidates think it's false or say "I am not a scientist," including Ben Carson and Bobby Jindal, who are scientists. Proceed directly to White House Vestibule!

Spin:  Land on Marco Rubio.  This is the true Watergate!  Spin twice while he's still drinking.

Spin: Land on Bill Clinton.  Advance 25 spaces for standing by him publicly while Scratching his Eyes Out. 

Spin:  Land on Jeb Bush, who makes valiant effort to convince nation he is an only child.  Epic Fail.  Advance 10 Spaces.

Spin: Land on Pantsuit Palace to refuel campaign wardrobe. Ogle yourself but lose two turns. 

                              

Spin:  Land on Mike Huckabee. Carelessly mispronounce his name. Return to Sean Hannity!  (Only kidding ... return to Marco Rubio.) 

Spin: Land on Jeb Bush, this time making ill-conceived effort to attract female voters. History making fail.  Spin three times.

Enter E-MailGate

Spin: Land on Invitations Sent to Play Candy Crush.  Lose two Turns and Go Play the Stupid Game already.

Spin: Land on E-Mails to Unknown Wealthy Nigerian. Deduct 22 million dollars from campaign war chest and get butt back to PAC Plaza and Cash Causeway ASAP!

Spin: Land on E-Mails with Raunchy Jokes to and from Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid.  No penalty provided you share some with us.

Depart E-MailGate

Spin: Land on Rand Paul. Trip over toupee blown off by his own hot air. Treat skinned knee,  return to Pantsuit Palace to buy new pantsuit.

                       

Spin: Land on White House Vestibule, 3 spaces away from White House.  Must spin exact number to enter White House, become President, and win the game.

Spin: Too bad, you spun a 4. Oh, I forgot  to mention if you spin above the correct number, you Return to Start. Well, there's no reason to call me that, Hillary! Gee, you are a bitch!

Spin:  Okay,  okay, you're in, you're in!  Congratulations and ....

Hail to the Chief!

  

Home Sweet Home
Once More.

"Bill!  Bill!  Is that vacuuming and dusting done yet? Did you iron my pantsuit?
And did you hire the new intern?  Yeah, Scott! Who the fuck else?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~