Sunday, December 30, 2018

Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute




I may dig a pygmy, but these folks dig
Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute:

"Perry has the wit, wisdom, voice timbre and cadence of a young Dick Cavett. (To call Perry a "young" anything is my gift to Perry.) I knew this about Mr. Block 40 years ago when we first met. And his writing reconfirms it." - Andy Cowancomedy writer for Seinfeld (including the iconic episode The Opposite), Cheers3rd Rock from the Sun, and more, and author of the comedy memoir Banging My Head Against the Wall: A Comedy Writer's Guide to Seeing Starsforeword by Jay Leno.

"This book was totally relatable, funny, and yes, really poignant ... I appreciate Perry's wit and fight. He's not going gently into that good night. Neither am I. Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is a great read!" - Michele Young-StoneSimon & Schuster published author of The Handbook of Lightning Strike Survivors, Above Us Only Sky, and Lost in the Beehive (selected by Oprah's Book Club) 
  
“Perry Block offers up his ideas about advancing age in a funny and clever series of delightful musings … Perry brings his wit and wisdom to some everyday situations which will guarantee that you'll not only relate, but you'll be laughing out loud… By all means, buy it, read it, laugh out loud, and enjoy." - Joy Ross Davis, author ofEmalyn's Treasure, The Devereaux Jewel, Mother, Can You Hear Me?, and more.

“Perry Block has gathered a collection of his hilarious articles and essays on the joys of being a Boomer in the 21st century. He takes his readers along a desperate path of trying to turn back the clock. Seriously, you will laugh until your sides ache.”- K.D. McCriteauthor of the Confessions of April Grace and Further Confessions of April Grace series of books, and more.

A funny (often laugh out loud funny) charmingly self-deprecating series of short pieces about aging, modern culture, pop culture then and now, and an eclectic variety of other topics … I felt like I got to know the author (who would likely make a highly entertaining dinner companion) while I read. Really enjoyable." - Debra Snider, author of Lost Wyoming, A Merger of Equals, and more.

"Perry Block hates cheese.  If that’s not enough reason to read this collection of humorous essays chronicling the inevitable life of an aging 67 year-old Baby Boomer then I don’t know what is. Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is a laugh-out-loud cautionary tale about not taking creeping old age lying down (unless it’s nap time)."- Don Holley, screenwriter of National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon and author of Half-Loaded: A Humorous Hollywood Memoir.   


Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute
  The Book

Like you, Perry Block is a Baby Boomer who turned around one day in 1978 and suddenly found himself 40 years later at an age he always thought was exclusively reserved for people’s parents. 

Through a series of often hilarious essays, Perry tries to make sense of it all, aided by his son Brandon and a host of other real and fictitious characters, including Batman, Cupid, the Legendary Jewish Vampire Vlad the Retailer, Richard Nixon, Moses, and more. 

Every Boomer concern is here - aging angst, fatherhood, the singles life, friendships, fading looks and physicality, social trends, the1960’s, drugs, religion, Judaism, the writing life, parody and satire, self-deprecation, and the nagging worry that not only has he measured his life in coffee spoons, frequently the coffee hasn’t even been hot.

Available at Amazon Barnes & Noble

Now also Available at two great Philly area book stores

Narberth Bookshop
&
Big Blue Marble Bookstore 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm Ready for My Close-up, Mr. DeMillions of Readers
Perry's Interview is clickable here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


You Can Also Follow Perry On

Twitter and Facebook

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7 comments:

Russell said...
Perry,

Great News! I had a pop-up on my computer this morning that said ABBA was releasing two new songs. One entitled, "Nouveau" something and the other "Dancing with a Formerly Cute Queen."

I thought I'd let you know since you'd been busy covering the Bill Cosby trial. Did you get any tips from Bill on how to get women in the sack?

Now that you're a famous author, Havertown will become the new literary Mecca visiting just to wash their clothes in one of the laundrymats where you hung a flyer. Maybe they'll even put up one of those historical markers, "Perry Block once posted here."

Loved the testimonials my friend.
Perry Block said...
It will probably say "Perry Block washed his underwear here, but there was not enough bleach. For him, there could never be enough bleach."

Havertown is indeed the new literary Mecca and I am its Gertrude Stein. I believe Hemingway shows great promise, but Fitzgerald must exhibit more passion. His "Great Gatsby," while promising, is fated to be made into three awful movies, one with Leonardo di Caprio.

As for ABBA, they are the greatest musical group since the super group of Beethoven, Tschaikowsky, Prokofiev,and Stevie Winwood. What a shame that when Stevie Winwood broke up the group to form Traffic, poor Beethoven rolled over when he had to tell Tschaikowsky the news.

Thanks for writing, Russell!
Russell Gayer said...
I liked Traffic too, except for the kind where I have to select all the cars to post a comment and prove I'm not a robot on this blog.
My favorite song of theirs was "John Barleycorn Must get Drunk to Read Nouveau Old, Former Cute."
Perry Block said...
Is there still a problem? Is that why I get virtually no comments? I thought the reason was that the one guy who does write was scaring everyone else away! I guess the reason remains as elusive as "the low spark of high-heeled boys," and if I get any shorter I'm soon going to need to be a "high-heeled boy."
Russell said...
Yes, Blogspot is continually a problem. I just spent 5 minutes crafting a particularly clever response on another Blogspot site only to have it disappear when I clicked "publish your comment." I even hit the refresh button to see if it took, but it's not there. I didn't have the time or energy to leave another comment (which probably wouldn't take either).

There are probably some Wordpress meet-ups near you. I attended one in Fayetteville recently and met someone who could help me with my site.

BTW - I think elevator shoes might be a good option for you. Plus, you should get one of those fedoras like Truman Capote used to wear.
Elena said...
Sure the gift is appreciated - forever young.

Saturday, December 8, 2018

God Friended Me


 

OMG! Look at this!

“What?”

“God just friended me!"`  

“Oh, come on!  I just about barely friend you.”

“Yeah, why is that?”  

“Uhh --- I have standards.”

“Nevertheless, God just friended me!”

“Let me see …. Wow you’re right!"

“Of course I’m right! Look at the mighty beard, look at that celestial glow, look at those white robes washed in Clorox!”

“Bet he could work a terrific miracle, like turn Facebook into not a huge waste of time.”

“I told you!”

“And boy does he look Jewish! Well, let’s see what he wants”

“No way. I’m not friending him!”

“Why not?

“Why not?!"

“Yeah, why not?”

“The Holocaust, World Wars I and II, the Crusades, hurricanes, infant mortality, the Inquisition, AIDs, death itself, ABBA …”

“Know what?  You’re right!”

“I’m deleting him right now!”

“But then….there’ll be no TV show.”

“Yep, and there’s your real miracle.”

“What?"

“One less annoying television show to waste our time with.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Oh, Wouldn't That Be Neighborly!



I like to be neighborly. 

 Especially when new neighbors move in and you want to make a nice impression in the hopes you and they might become good friends.

“Hi, Perry,” said new neighbor Jane Buxbaum standing at my doorway early one evening.

“Jane!” I exclaimed,” good to see you.  Come in.”

“I’d love to,“ she replied,” but I can’t right now. I wanted to ask you if you have a corkscrew we can borrow?”

“Of course I do,” I said, going to the kitchen, securing it and handing it to her.  

“And you need not be in any hurry to give it back either,” I said.

 I knew Jane and her husband Tom were just setting up housekeeping so I understood they may lacking in some household essentials.

 A couple of days later, husband Tom was at the door.

“Hey, Perry, Jane and I are making soup today.  Wonder if I can borrow a large pot, a stirring spoon, whatever appropriate seasonings you have, and a tureen?”

Well, why not?  Anything to be neighborly.

And about the corkscrew that Tom was clearly not returning while borrowing the large pot, stirring spoon, whatever seasonings I had, and the tureen … well, I did tell Jane not to be in a hurry to give it back.

“Here ya go, Tom,” I said, gathering everything up.  “No rush getting these back.”

“Perry!  Thanks for all your great help.”  

Next day both of them were back at my door.

“Oh, you guys!” I said.  “I told you there was no rush in giving the corkscrew, soup pot, stirring spoon, seasonings, and tureen back.”

“Oh, yes, we know that and we thank you,” gushed Jane.

“But that’s not why we’re here,” Tom said.

“No?”

“We’re having both of our families over for dinner tonight.”

 “How lovely.”

“So … may we borrow your dining room table, please?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your dining room table.   Here, I’ll help you lift it.”

“But …. But…”

“We may have to take off the legs to get it through the doorway," said Tom, "but never fear.  I brought a saw and I have glue at home.”

Over the next several days the Buxbaums were frequently at my door.  And out my door and over to the Buxbaums went all the furniture in the living room, my pool table, and the powder room toilet.

I had to face it. People do sometimes take advantage of me.  I have to watch for that from now on.

I decided to start right away.

I marched over to the Buxbaums’s house.

“Jane, Tom,” I said in a strong tone of voice.

“Yes, neighbor?” Tom replied.

“I want my corkscrew back and I want it right now!”

You know what? They returned the corkscrew forthwith! 

Being assertive works.   No doubt about it.

It’s two months later.  I am living in a tent in my back yard.  It’s cold and muddy and I could use a shower and a hot meal.

I’m not the best at being assertive, no doubt about it.

But at being neighborly? 

I’m the best!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



P.S. If you liked this post, you'll love my book Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute.  If you hated this post, you'll still love my book Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute.  

Why?   That's just the way it works!

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Trump and the Genie who Looks Like Matthew Whitaker



And Trump rubbed the lamp and there appeared a genie.

"Oy!  Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck!"  said the Genie.

"I guess all genies say that," thought Trump.

"Welcome, Genie with the light lack of hair!" said Trump. "I am  Donald Trump, your new master who has just rubbed the lamp."

"I knew it was you.  You rubbed me so hard  I was considering hitting up Michael Cohen for money to keep it quiet."

"You know, you look like somebody else I've considered to be sort of my genie," said Trump.

"I know," said the genie.  "Difference is that I'm qualified."

"Do I get three wishes, Genie? " asked Trump.

"You do, of course, that's the law.  Not that you usually pay attention to laws."

"Well, first get rid of the Mueller probe."

"Done! Mueller right now is writing a report stating you were a double agent for the United States who befriended Putin so our intelligence services could learn as much possible about his plans."

"Cool! Never thought of that one."

"That's why I'm a genie."

"Second: I want all women who have accused me of  sexual harassment to shut up."

"That's going to take some work.   How about I just do the ones from A-G?"

"No, I need everyone from A through X.  Damn, wish I knew the alphabet! Maybe I should call Betsy Devos?"

"Probably wouldn't help .... Okay, working on it .... still on it ..... not done yet ....  twins in American Samoa? what a creep you are!  ....  all of 1992 Rockettes!? ... I think I may vomit from this...  Okay, done! No one will say a word."

"Three: I want to be President for life."

"Oh, that one's a softball,"  Master," said the genie. "Done!"

"That's it," bellowed Trump!  I'm President of the United States for life!"

"That you are," replied the genie.  "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to look for the nearest porta-potty.  I  haven't been to the bathroom since the Punic Wars!"

"But wait, what's going on, Genie!  I'm choking!" shouted Trump. "My tiny hands hurt. If I had a tiny penis it would hurt too! Why is this  happening?" 

"Oh, yeah, that's right.  Dude, today happens to the last day you are going to live."

"WHAT!"

"72 1/2 years is as long as you're  s'posed to be around. You eat like a pig, get winded climbing into and out of a golf cart, and use a doctor who looks like the drummer from a Sixties bar band who regularly throws up on stage at the end of each set."

"I'm turning blue, Genie!  I'm bluer than the new House of Representatives.  And why are calling me "Dude?"

"You're no long my master since we've discharged all the wishes, Dude. "

"But ...but ... but ..."

"I did make you President for life, as you asked. "

"Yeah, but it turned out to be fake news."

"Whaddya know, Dude?  Finally something actually did."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``


Saturday, November 3, 2018

That Great Big Blue ....


I'm off social media for now, but I just wanted to remind everyone that here comes that great big ....
BLUE WAVE!

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute




I may dig a pygmy, but these folks dig
Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute:

"Perry has the wit, wisdom, voice timbre and cadence of a young Dick Cavett. (To call Perry a "young" anything is my gift to Perry.) I knew this about Mr. Block 40 years ago when we first met. And his writing reconfirms it." - Andy Cowancomedy writer for Seinfeld (including the iconic episode The Opposite), Cheers3rd Rock from the Sun, and more, and author of the comedy memoir Banging My Head Against the Wall: A Comedy Writer's Guide to Seeing Starsforeword by Jay Leno.

"This book was totally relatable, funny, and yes, really poignant ... I appreciate Perry's wit and fight. He's not going gently into that good night. Neither am I. Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is a great read!" - Michele Young-StoneSimon & Schuster published author of The Handbook of Lightning Strike Survivors, Above Us Only Sky, and Lost in the Beehive (selected by Oprah's Book Club) 
  
“Perry Block offers up his ideas about advancing age in a funny and clever series of delightful musings … Perry brings his wit and wisdom to some everyday situations which will guarantee that you'll not only relate, but you'll be laughing out loud… By all means, buy it, read it, laugh out loud, and enjoy." - Joy Ross Davis, author of Emalyn's Treasure, The Devereaux Jewel, Mother, Can You Hear Me?, and more.

“Perry Block has gathered a collection of his hilarious articles and essays on the joys of being a Boomer in the 21st century. He takes his readers along a desperate path of trying to turn back the clock. Seriously, you will laugh until your sides ache.”- K.D. McCriteauthor of the Confessions of April Grace and Further Confessions of April Grace series of books, and more.

A funny (often laugh out loud funny) charmingly self-deprecating series of short pieces about aging, modern culture, pop culture then and now, and an eclectic variety of other topics … I felt like I got to know the author (who would likely make a highly entertaining dinner companion) while I read. Really enjoyable." - Debra Snider, author of Lost Wyoming, A Merger of Equals, and more.

"Perry Block hates cheese.  If that’s not enough reason to read this collection of humorous essays chronicling the inevitable life of an aging 67 year-old Baby Boomer then I don’t know what is. Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is a laugh-out-loud cautionary tale about not taking creeping old age lying down (unless it’s nap time)."- Don Holley, screenwriter of National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon and author of Half-Loaded: A Humorous Hollywood Memoir.   


Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute
  The Book

Like you, Perry Block is a Baby Boomer who turned around one day in 1978 and suddenly found himself 40 years later at an age he always thought was exclusively reserved for people’s parents. 

Through a series of often hilarious essays, Perry tries to make sense of it all, aided by his son Brandon and a host of other real and fictitious characters, including Batman, Cupid, the Legendary Jewish Vampire Vlad the Retailer, Richard Nixon, Moses, and more. 

Every Boomer concern is here - aging angst, fatherhood, the singles life, friendships, fading looks and physicality, social trends, the1960’s, drugs, religion, Judaism, the writing life, parody and satire, self-deprecation, and the nagging worry that not only has he measured his life in coffee spoons, frequently the coffee hasn’t even been hot.

Available at Amazon & Barnes & Noble

Now also Available at two great Philly area book stores

Narberth Bookshop
&
Big Blue Marble Bookstore 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm Ready for My Close-up, Mr. DeMillions of Readers
Perry's Interview is clickable here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


You Can Also Follow Perry On

Twitter and Facebook

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~