Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Trump Jam!

Note:  This is a very silly post.
  Not recommended for those who are not Bugs Bunny fans.
 Or for the most part, anyone else.)

The long awaited pairing of two great American icons!
Donald Trump        Bugs Bunny

The fun-filled story of a Presidential campaign pitting a free-spirited bunny against a mean-spirited bully!

Debate One:  You're the Puppet 
(Based on this classic Bugs/Daffy bit) 

Trump: You're the puppet!

Bugs: No, you're the puppet!

Trump: No, you're the puppet!

Bugs: No, you're the puppet!

Trump: No, you're the puppet!

Bugs:  No, I'm the puppet!

Trump: No, I'm the puppet!
Bugs:  No, I'm the puppet!

Trump:  No, I'm the puppet!

Bugs: No, I'm the puppet!

Trump:  No, I'm the puppet!  I'm absolutely positively the puppet! 

Bugs: Okay, Doc, have it your way.  You're the puppet.

Trump:  Well, thank you, Bugs.  I am the puppet for sure, because I don't know shit and  ..... wait a minute OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!


Bugs: Of course you know this means war! 

Debate Two: His Darling Daughter

Trump: I'm building a wall and the Mexicans are going to pay for it.

Bugs: You won't even get Salma Hayek to chip in for it.

Trump:  I'm bringing back jobs to America!  

Bugs: The only jobs you're bringing back to America are the kind that leave tooth marks on  your pecker.  I wonder, Doc, do you at all know the difference between truth and lies? 

Trump:  All truth is relative. And while we're talking about relatives, have you seen my daughter?  She's really hot!

Bugs:  I know, Doc. Your daughter's pussy's been grabbed more times than a shortstop's crotch!


Bugs:  What a maroon! 

Debate Three: Keep America Safe

Trump: I know more about ISIS than the Generals!  

Bugs: Yeah, that's a set of General Tires.

Trump: Did you know I have all the best words because I went to Wharton?

Bugs: What does "cat" mean?

Trump:  I'll Google it later. I'm busy keeping America safe.

Bugs: What was that, Doc?

Trump: Keeping America safe! 

Bugs:  I didn't hear that. What are you gonna keep America?

Trump: Safe! Safe! I said Safe!!! 

Bugs: That's what I thought you said!

Acme Safe Company


**cuckoo**   **cuckoo**

Bugs:  Ain't I a stinker?

Election Night

Wolf Blitzer: That's it, folks, Bugs Bunny has swept the electoral vote, the popular vote, and the Chachi/Duck Dynasty vote.  The next President of the United States is Bugs Bunny!

Bugs: Gosh, thanks, Doc.  Any carrots come with that?

Trump:  So unfair!  The whole thing is rigged. The election's been fixed!

Bugs: Did you say fixed, Doc?

Trump:  Right!  I said FIXED!

Bugs:  Fixed I can take care of right now.  Too bad they didn't do it to your father 71 years ago.


Bugs:  What an ignor-a-mus!

Well, that's our picture, folks.  Make sure and come visit me at the White House if ever you're in town. We can discuss infrastructure development and border security and I'll have my man Trump whip you up a nice souffle. 

Hey, Trump, where are you?  Do I have to lock you up? Where is that Loony Tune anyway?   

If you liked this post you might also like like  Scientists Hail Discovery of "Trump is an Asshole" Gene, Donald J. Trump's Guide to Sexual Harassment, and The Most Disliked Nominees in History. If you hated this post, I hope your daughter marries Rudy Giuliani and they have a daughter who looks just like him who lives in your basement until she's 40! 


(Sorry for the lame special effects, especially the dropping of the safe, but that's the best I can do. And once again, that's all, folks!)

Saturday, November 5, 2016

I've Rigged the Vote for Hillary!

Don't worry, folks, I took care of it.  All ballots say "HILLARY!"

You'll be pleased to know, folks, that I have now pretty much fully rigged the voting for President on Tuesday in Pennsylvania. Whenever anyone in Pennsylvania tries to vote Trump or Johnson, the voting machine will register Hillary Clinton.

You're welcome very much!

I couldn't manage to figure out how to rig things in a similar manner with respect to Stein, but that's only 3 or 4 votes. So, let the Green Party honcho have a thrill or two!

I'm honored the Democratic Party chose me to be the one to rig things for Hillary in Pennsylvania. To think that right here in the Birthplace of American Democracy I've been specially selected to undermine democracy brings a tear to my eye, a warm feeling to my chest, and many wads of illicit cash to my bank account in the Cayman Islands.

Why was I selected? I believe it was because I am someone who flies under the radar. The last significant act I did to distinguish myself in the realm of politics was to scream at Wolf Blitzer "Goddamit, ask a decent follow-up question already!" and "Wolf, dye the beard. It's aging."

I have to laugh at that idiot Trump. He blathers on about how the vote in Pennsylvania is going to rigged even though he knows the vote in Pennsylvania is not going to be rigged except it really is going to be rigged. By me. Sex with Putin this weekend is going to be really strange for both of them.

Now, folks, this is crucial: we have to keep this information strictly confidential!

So don't send it to Hillary.

And, by the way, get set for a Philadelphia Phillies World Series. Now that I've got the hang of rigging stuff, you ain't seen nothing yet!


Thursday, November 3, 2016

Down Old Route 66 (FF)

© Jean L. Hays
FF-Friday Fictioneers
“How can I help you folks?” said kindly old Russell Gayer as he approached the young couple just stopping at his service station.

“Excuse me, sir” said the young man, “but is this really Route 66? That’s not what my map or GPS says.”

“Oh, yes, sir, it is Route 66!  Say, would you folks like some APCO gas?  I’ve also got APCO Oil, APCO Spark Plugs, APCO …”

“Oh, no, thank you, we just needed directions.”

The young couple continued down the road. When they were out of sight kindly old Russell Gayer planted his hands on his hips and laughed.

“Two more souls for my master Lord APCO, son of Satan! Been much easier to trap them since I removed the third 6 from the sign.”


Sorry to introduce such a terrifying character in this story and I didn't mean to cause you nightmares, but that kindly old Russell Gayer is awfully scary when he's badgering you about buying APCO products.  I don't know about you, but  I came away with an APCO raincoat and APCO chocolate candy with raisins.

Well, let's all calm down by reading the tales based on the picture prompt above by the other Friday Fictioneers by clicking here.

Oh, no, here comes kindly old Russell Gayer again! Okay, okay, I'll take the APCO underwear!