Somethings absolutely positively is going to happen this time!
In view of the recent terrible shootings in California, Americans are finally galvanized to stand up to the NRA and demand strong action to stop gun violence right up until the summer gets underway and they're off on vacation.
Speaking on behalf of a Philadelphia group called "Stop the Killing Before We Lose Interest," activist Burton Gainley stated "We insist that Washington solve this problem once and for all, and we will work ceaselessly and tirelessly in this regard until later this month when we head to the Shore and start draining them brewskis."
The killing in San Diego seems to have united the movement for sane and reasonable gun regulation more than ever before. While most Americans who feel strongly about human life and dignity normally get to the point where they forget about the whole thing a couple of weeks after a shooting, it's projected that this time it may take up to an entire month before no one gives a shit any more.
"Enough is enough!" proclaimed Mr. Gainley. "We're in it for the long haul provided other stuff like work and family and hobbies don't get in the way. But should my voice ever be stilled or silenced, rest assured that others will pick up the fight!
At least until the Fourth of July."
In the style of The Onion. Now I didn't say as good as, just in the style of!