Monday, March 28, 2016

Trump Stung by Mosquito, Lashes Out at Bug Chicks

I was stung!*

Donald Trump received a mosquito bite on his forearm  while campaigning today and immediately turned his ire on the Bug Chicks who appear in a television commercial for Microsoft Windows 10.

"There are millions of people all throughout the world," Mr. Trump stated, "and yet I am the one to get a mosquito bite!  There's no question that the Bug Chicks are behind it!" 

"You know I've been asked dozens of times to appear in commercials for Windows 10 and I've always turned them down.  Why?  Because it is a second rate operating system --- actually it's more of a non-operating system!--- and Bill Gates is a goofy looking loser whose company is headed directly for bankruptcy, and nobody knows more about bankruptcy than me!"

Mr. Trump went on to note that immediately after the bite he "pummeled the crap out of" the mosquito such that it now resembles newscaster Megyn Kelly but without the excess makeup. “This should be no surprise to anyone at all,” observed Trump, “because I can a hit golf ball much further than any mosquito!”’

Mr. Trump called the two Bug Chicks "the ugliest two women I've ever seen since the day I was seeing double and looked at Rosie O’Donnell. I would never wrap my tiny little fingers around either one of them although I'm certain that Ted Cruz would do it in a minute because of his history of sordid sexual affairs outside of his marriage to the hideous Heidi Cruz."

"I bet Lying Ted would be happy to be lying on either one of them," Mr. Trump added. 

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*in the style of the Onion.   I didn't say as good as the Onion.

Darn it!  He caught us!

6 comments:

Tracey Delaplain said...

Way too believable for the Onion. I can see this happening in real life. Funny stuff

Michelle said...

HAHAHAAHAHAH...I love this.

Perry Block said...

It actually did happen. But I forgot that Trump threatened to sue the mosquito but didn't follow through.

Perry Block said...

Little Baby Trump and I thank you, Michelle!

Russell said...

I'm not a big fan of bug bites either, and I'm damn glad The Donald is cutting to the root of the problem. I think he should build a wall around those homely Bug Chicks and lob a few cans of Raid in there from the safety of this helicopter.

Lying Ted would probably have an affair with a blood-sucking mosquito if he could find one blind enough to lie with him.

Perry Block said...

Trump should build a wall around the Bug Chicks so we don't have to look at the gross bugs in the Windows 10 commercial anymore. Then we can throw him in the middle. As for Lying Ted, I'm afraid we'll still have to look at him for a while at least until Bernie or Hillary beats him. Then of course we'll have to look at them.