I was stung!*
Donald Trump received a mosquito bite on his forearm while campaigning today and immediately turned his ire on the Bug Chicks who appear in a television commercial for Microsoft Windows 10.
"There are millions of people all throughout the world," Mr. Trump stated, "and yet I am the one to get a mosquito bite! There's no question that the Bug Chicks are behind it!"
"You know I've been asked dozens of times to appear in commercials for Windows 10 and I've always turned them down. Why? Because it is a second rate operating system --- actually it's more of a non-operating system!--- and Bill Gates is a goofy looking loser whose company is headed directly for bankruptcy, and nobody knows more about bankruptcy than me!"
Mr. Trump went on to note that immediately after the bite he "pummeled the crap out of" the mosquito such that it now resembles newscaster Megyn Kelly but without the excess makeup. “This should be no surprise to anyone at all,” observed Trump, “because I can a hit golf ball much further than any mosquito!”’
Mr. Trump called the two Bug Chicks "the ugliest two women I've ever seen since the day I was seeing double and looked at Rosie O’Donnell. I would never wrap my tiny little fingers around either one of them although I'm certain that Ted Cruz would do it in a minute because of his history of sordid sexual affairs outside of his marriage to the hideous Heidi Cruz."
"I bet Lying Ted would be happy to be lying on either one of them," Mr. Trump added.
*in the style of the Onion. I didn't say as good as the Onion.
Darn it! He caught us!