Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute

I may dig a pygmy, but these folks dig
Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute:

"Perry has the wit, wisdom, voice timbre and cadence of a young Dick Cavett. (To call Perry a "young" anything is my gift to Perry.) I knew this about Mr. Block 40 years ago when we first met. And his writing reconfirms it." - Andy Cowancomedy writer for Seinfeld (including the iconic episode The Opposite), Cheers3rd Rock from the Sun, and more, and author of the comedy memoir Banging My Head Against the Wall: A Comedy Writer's Guide to Seeing Starsforeword by Jay Leno.

"This book was totally relatable, funny, and yes, really poignant ... I appreciate Perry's wit and fight. He's not going gently into that good night. Neither am I. Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is a great read!" - Michele Young-StoneSimon & Schuster published author of The Handbook of Lightning Strike Survivors, Above Us Only Sky, and Lost in the Beehive (selected by Oprah's Book Club) 
“Perry Block offers up his ideas about advancing age in a funny and clever series of delightful musings … Perry brings his wit and wisdom to some everyday situations which will guarantee that you'll not only relate, but you'll be laughing out loud… By all means, buy it, read it, laugh out loud, and enjoy." - Joy Ross Davis, author of Emalyn's Treasure, The Devereaux Jewel, Mother, Can You Hear Me?, and more.

“Perry Block has gathered a collection of his hilarious articles and essays on the joys of being a Boomer in the 21st century. He takes his readers along a desperate path of trying to turn back the clock. Seriously, you will laugh until your sides ache.”- K.D. McCriteauthor of the Confessions of April Grace and Further Confessions of April Grace series of books, and more.

A funny (often laugh out loud funny) charmingly self-deprecating series of short pieces about aging, modern culture, pop culture then and now, and an eclectic variety of other topics … I felt like I got to know the author (who would likely make a highly entertaining dinner companion) while I read. Really enjoyable." - Debra Snider, author of Lost Wyoming, A Merger of Equals, and more.

"Perry Block hates cheese.  If that’s not enough reason to read this collection of humorous essays chronicling the inevitable life of an aging 67 year-old Baby Boomer then I don’t know what is. Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is a laugh-out-loud cautionary tale about not taking creeping old age lying down (unless it’s nap time)."- Don Holley, screenwriter of National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon and author of Half-Loaded: A Humorous Hollywood Memoir.   

Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute
  The Book

Like you, Perry Block is a Baby Boomer who turned around one day in 1978 and suddenly found himself 40 years later at an age he always thought was exclusively reserved for people’s parents. 

Through a series of often hilarious essays, Perry tries to make sense of it all, aided by his son Brandon and a host of other real and fictitious characters, including Batman, Cupid, the Legendary Jewish Vampire Vlad the Retailer, Richard Nixon, Moses, and more. 

Every Boomer concern is here - aging angst, fatherhood, the singles life, friendships, fading looks and physicality, social trends, the1960’s, drugs, religion, Judaism, the writing life, parody and satire, self-deprecation, and the nagging worry that not only has he measured his life in coffee spoons, frequently the coffee hasn’t even been hot.

Available at Amazon & Barnes & Noble

Now also Available at two great Philly area book stores

Narberth Bookshop
Big Blue Marble Bookstore 


I'm Ready for My Close-up, Mr. DeMillions of Readers
Perry's Interview is clickable here.


You Can Also Follow Perry On

Twitter and Facebook


Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Ghosts, Contractors, and the Invisible Man

Ghosts are invisible.

So is the Invisible Man.

Then there is that unique species of human being known as the home contractor.

I’ve have contractors suddenly become invisible when they were due to  show up at my house for all kinds of jobs from simple home repair to painting the house to putting a deck on the back.  I’m sure there’s someone somewhere who’s been left waiting at the contractor altar after signing the papers for the guy to put a heliport on the house, build a bowling alley in the basement, or install an ocean in the back yard.

Typically I will have met with the contractor about the proposed job for a few hours or more.  The contractor explains what’s involved in the job as well as his unique talents for accomplishing it. 

“Don’t worry, Mr. Block.  We’ve been in business for 25 years.  We have a certificate of compliance by the Better Business Bureau and the Even Better Business Bureau, and references from neighbors and friends of yours as well as from world leaders like the late Winston Churchill and Mahatma Gandhi. We’re giving out a lifetime warranty too.”

“Whose lifetime, Mr. Logan?”

“Yours, of course."

"What are you, crazy?!  Look at me!"

"Okay, then, the kid who plays Young Sheldon on TV.”

"Much better!  Unless he later dies of a drug overdose."

Mr. Logan certainly seems substantial and creditable.  We arrange for him to start work next Monday at 7:00 sharp.

Comes Monday morning and I am up and ready to greet him, cup of coffee in hand at 7:00 A.M sharp

But the only people who arrive at my home at 7:00 A.M sharp are the hosts of The CBS Morning Show.

Oh, well, he’ll be here, I comfortably think. He’s probably stuck in traffic or having a quick early morning amorous interlude with his wife, or combining the two while driving with his wife to work if he’s so adept.   

Whatever. None of my business.

He’ll be here.

11:00 A.M.  He ain’t here.

Aly Velshi and Stefanie Rule of MSNC are here, but he's not.

Mr. Logan is either the last of the Red Hot Lovers or he’s stuck behind a pile up the size of Mt. McKinley.

I call his office and get his voicemail.

"Hello, this is Logan Painters.  We can’t take your call right now as we are out in the field on a job. Please leave a message at the beep."

Good to know he’s out in the field.  Unfortunately it’s not my field.

It's 2 o’clock, 3 o’clock, 4 o’clock - Rock - 5 o’clock, 6 o’clock, 7 o’clock – Rock!

We’re still rocking around the clock the next morning at 7:00 o’clock, waiting for the Invisible Mr. Logan.

Monday melds into Tues, Tuesday becomes Wednesday and Thursday, and weeks pass, and you realize you have not hired a home contractor at all.

You have hired the anti-Michael Avennati.

Why does this happen?

Some say it's because at the last minute the contractor has gotten a better and more lucrative job than yours.  If that’s true, do contractors also fail to show up when they have a job rebuilding the Pentagon because at the last minute they get hired to build a new and improved Taj Mahal?

No one knows.

Ghosts are invisible.

So is the Invisible Man

Also known as the Home Contractor.


And don’t forget, my book Perry Block- Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is never invisible. (Its sales, though, are something else).  I hope you’ll check it out. 

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Meet the Good Strong YOUNG Company, Mr. Block

Note: That's not me.  I look much YOUNGER!

When did I first come to realize that the moon was over the mountain at least as far as my working career?

I was being interviewed for a job at the tender age of 57 or 58 because the Company I had worked for over a number of years had moved out of the area.

“I’m Bob French,” said the interviewer. “Nice to meet you, Perry.”

Friendly enough dude and the interview seemed to be going well.  Then I asked a question to display my interest in the company.

“Tell me about your management team, Bob," I asked.

“Oh, yes, good question, Perry!” said Bob.

It’s always nice when someone says you’ve asked a good question. Much better than being told “the answer to that question is self-evident and you’re an idiot.”

Not that that’s ever happened to me.

“Well, Perry,” said Bob, “We have a good strong YOUNG management team.”

Excuse me?


Did he actually say that they have a good strong YOUNG management team?

Most executives doing interviews these days are trained to avoid mentioning age, and most likely Mr. Johnson was so trained as well. But apparently he just hadn’t made the leap from not asking about age to expressing a preference for youthful over alta cocker vintage, not that Bob would know what an alta cocker is.

“We have a good strong YOUNG CFO named George Strapling,” Bob went on.

He’s two for two, I thought.

“And our new sales VP, Ralph Barkley is a good strong YOUNG marketing guy from Kropotkin and company.”

Three YOUNGs in a row!   I wonder if they have milk and cookies and naptime here too.

"And we’re just bringing in a new good strong president, George Marchese,” Bob continued.

At last, I thought!  

Bob has either caught on to today’s prevailing business wisdom or George Marchese’s age is lofty enough that he can join AARP without having to show ID.

“It’s hard to believe how much George has achieved at his prior jobs as YOUNG as he is,” raved  Bob.

I should never have doubted Bob’s proclivity for blithely making wrongheaded and illegal statements.

From there on in, the interview progressed OK, although I made sure to refrain from making references to the Truman Administration.

"Would you like something to drink, Perry?” asked Bob. “We have a good strong YOUNG vending machine in the lobby with good strong YOUNG snacks and of course, good strong YOUNG Coca-Cola.”

I made up that part.

I asked one more question before leaving, bracing myself for the answer.

“Can you tell me how old the company is, Bob?”

“Sure, Perry.  It’s two year old.”

Of course. The answer to that question was self-evident and you’re an idiot, Perry.

At least Bob didn’t say “two years YOUNG.”

I didn’t get the job, of course, but Mr. French’s transgressions were safe with me.

I’m not the suing type.

After all I’m not a good strong YOUNG applicant and frankly, I just don’t have the strength for it.


If you liked this post, you'll like my book Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute.  If you hated this post, you'll LOVE my book Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute.  

Why?   That's just the way it works.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Marketing 101(or Less) for Nouveau Old, FormerlyCute

When you've written a book (Perry Block-Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute) and your marketing budget is limited (Marketing Budget = $0), you have to go to the basics to market your book, the basics being Twitter and Facebook.

I'd also be on Instagram as well but until somebody writes A Really Stupid Idiot's Guide to Instagram, I'm afraid Instagram will have to wait.

I've written many posts and tweets over the last several months to promote my book, and I'd thought I'd share some of the better ones with you. Hopefully you will enjoy them and buy the book!


Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is the book for you! Here's why:

1) Has All the Best Words.
2) Fully Pasteurized.
3) Great For Snackin'!
4) From a Certain Angle, the Little Guy on the Cover Looks Like He's Winking at You!
On my Amazon page it says Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute and millions of other books are available for Amazon Kindle. I kinda wish it hadn't also said "If I were you I'd check out the millions of other books first."
If you've read my book "Perry Block- Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute" and liked it, please consider writing an Amazon review. On the other hand, if you read my book and hated it, you're MUCH too busy to write a review. Please don't waste your precious time!
My Book Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute will NOT be sold to any member of the Trump Administration. That's right, you're not just buying a humor book; you're supporting democracy!
I'm Tom Selleck. You know, many people today aren't getting enough schlock humor in their lives. It's their greatest concern. Now there's an answer. Why not unlock the humor in Perry Block-Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute? I've done my homework. I trust Perry Block. I think you can too.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

"Watch Out, Piggy!"

Image result for COPD Commercial Grandfather

      These days commercials for prescription drugs are on the air more than ever. Here’s a familiar commercial virtually everyone has seen.

A grandfather is playing with his young granddaughter.

“And the wolf huffed and puffed ….”

“Like you do sometimes, Grandpa?”

“Well, when you have COPD it can be hard to breath.” 



“I’m four years old.  Like I’d understand what’s wrong with you by some lame abbreviation!”

“I’m sorry, honey.”

“Well, what does COPD  mean, Grandpa?”

“Oh, yes.  COPD is chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.” 

“Much better, Grandpa.”

“So I talked to my doctor.  She said …”

“Your doctor is a woman, Grandpa!?”


“So I can be a doctor someday, Grandpa?”

“Well, if you don’t know what COPD is at your age, probably not.”

“So, anyway, I talked to my doctor.  She said …”

“Symbachunk works 15 different ways, Mr. Farnum.”

“Is that so, Doctor?”

“Yes, as opposed to the next leading drug which only works 13 different ways, and 11 and 4 are pretty much just a rehash of each other.”

“So you’re recommending new Symbachunk for my COPD?”

“For your what?” 

“Don’t tell me you don’t know what it is either!”

“That’s why there’s such a thing as the Internet, Mr. Farnum.  Now stop staring at my tits and get out of my office!"

 “Symbachunk is not for everyone.  Tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including the ones that cause others to giggle and point.

Major side effects are nausea, headaches, liver damage, growth of a Jewish nose, the sudden change of your name to Fred, marriage between your large and small intestines, and itching.  Seek medical help if you have an erection lasting more than four hours since all of us want to know how we can do that too, and although it’s rare…

The risk of painful and bloody death.

Now, Mr. Farnum, you can go back and play with…

Go back and play with your …

Oh no!

This is terrible!

Somebody get a real doctor in here fast to revive him!

He’s what?

It’s too late?”

“But I thought this was an actor portrayal, not a real patient.”

“Sumbachunk is so lethal it can even kill the actor in an actor portrayal, let alone the patient.”

“I never knew that.”

“So you’re my new grandpa. I think I’m going to like you a lot better than my other grandpa who only talked in stupid acronyms.”

“Watch out, Piggy!”

“Then again, maybe not.”