Thursday, September 29, 2016

A Martian Mission (FF)

FF- Friday Fictioneers
Striding down the long corridor from the Command Center to the Front Hatch of Martian Habitation Headquarters, Commander Kropotkin and Lieutenant Prine felt determined but concerned.

“Commander,” said the Lieutenant, “I’m going to give this mission all I’ve got, but frankly I have my doubts.”

“Me too, Bud,” answered Commander Kropotkin. “But the Drugons have been appearing in force lately, and they’ve got to be stopped before it’s too late.”

The hatch opened and the two officers and friends leaped out of the Habitation Headquarters, weapons spewing poisonous fumes ferociously at every Drugon they could find.

“Know what?” said Prine, breathing a sigh of relief. “These Drugons aren’t half as tough as the weeds on Earth.”

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This may be my first post about weed, and hopefully you won't think I am endorsing it.  Because I don't endorse weed --- meaning those pesky things that grow around your house --- but even though I haven't smoked it in over 30 years, I will endorse dope (as we called it back then, although the term "weed" did exist as well) as long as you don't do it too much.

Too much being the degree to which I smoked it, which was every other minute. Better to fill those minutes  with the story offerings of the other Friday Fictioneers based on the picture prompt above which you can get high on by clicking here.

Meanwhile I'm going to go pull out some Drugons. That's the toughest weed I can handle these days.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Hillary Clinton set to Debate Complete Idiot


 This coming Monday evening, September 26, Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton is scheduled to debate a complete idiot at 9:00 PM at Hofstra University Hempstead, New York.The debate is considered to be an extremely rare event in the history of American politics as never before has a candidate for president from one of the major two political parties gone one on one with a complete idiot.

The complete idiot in question knows nothing about world and domestic affairs, has no experience in government, and is so ignorant he thinks Merrick Garland is decoration for a Christmas tree.  Not only is he a complete idiot, he is a liar, a megalomaniac, and a fucking asshole.

Initially Clinton was scheduled to debate Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump but it has been decided that any complete idiot will do. The name of the complete idiot has not been released but viewers from coast to coast are not expected to notice any difference. 

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The Invited (FF)

FF- Friday Fictioneers


"Look, Jason, there's the mothership at last!  I'd know the sight of it anywhere."

"Me too, Hector!  All year long I've been drawing sketches and building scale models of it, driving everyone nuts with my crazy obsession."

"I even made a full size replica of the ship out of mashed potatoes."

"Incredible, dude! How did that turn out?" 

"Delicious!"

"There's no question, Hector, we were invited!"

"Yes, we were.  Although I'm a little annoyed the invitation didn't say we could bring a date."

"C’mon,  let’s go run for the mothership!"

"Okay! Wonder who or what we'll find in there, Jason."

"God only knows, dude. I just hope it isn't scrawny little bald guys with bug eyes and no hair.” 

"Yeah, that would be so boring."

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From "Close Encounters of the Third Kind."

Well, there you have it - you've experienced a close encounter of the third kind, and you weren't even invited! Sorry about the boring derivative aliens.

The stories and posts of the other Friday Fictioneers based on the picture prompt at the top of the page will appear if you click here.   You should have a close encounter with as many of them as you can. 

Okay, I'm going to go and finish that mashed potato mother ship now. Hey, you got any butter? 

Monday, September 19, 2016

Ginger or Mary Ann, 2016


Ginger or Mary Ann, 2016
A Short Play Based on Gilligan's Island

(Note: Contains some adult content,

even though it was not written by an adult)
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Skipper:  Hey, Little Buddy? Little Buddy?


Gilligan:  Yes, Skipper? 


Skipper:  Tell me, Little Buddy: Ginger or Mary Ann?


Gilligan:  Gee, I dunno, Skipper.  How about you: Ginger or Mary Ann? 


Skipper:  I'm not sure either, Little Buddy. But I have a feeling people are going to be asking that question for years to come. 


The Professor walks onto the beach.


Skipper:  Hey, Professor!


Professor:  Yes, Skipper?


Skipper: Which is it for you:  Ginger or Mary Ann?


Professor:  Haven't decided, Skipper. But I have a feeling people are going to be asking that question for years to come. 


Ginger walks onto the beach.


Ginger:  Oh, Skipper?

Skipper: Yes, Ginger? 

Ginger:  Would you please come with me and help me pick some coconuts off a tree?

Gilligan and the Professor look at each other quizzically while Ginger and the Skipper walk off the beach.  Shortly after they exit, Gilligan and the Professor hear:


Ginger: Oh, Skipper, take a gander at these!


Skipper:  Ginger, such big beautiful coconuts!


Ginger:  Grab 'em, Skipper!  Hold them close.


Skipper: I've got them, Ginger!  Oh, they feel wonderful!


Gilligan and the Professor look at each other incredulously. Ginger and Skipper return to the beach. 


Professor:  Hey you two! What the hell have you been ...

They notice the Skipper is holding two large coconuts in his hands.

Professor:  Oh.  Never mind.

Mary Ann walks onto the beach. 

Mary Ann:  Professor, could you help me dig out the inside of my canoe for a few minutes?

Professor:  Sure. In fact, I've got a tool here that might help us with that.

Gilligan and the Skipper look at each other quizzically while Mary Ann and the Professor walk off the beach. Shortly after they exit, Gilligan and the Skipper hear:


Mary Ann: I want it deep, Professor. Use your big tool! 


Professor: I can drive it as deep as you want,  Mary Ann!


Mary Ann: Oh yeah! Deeper! Deeper! You're a master with that tool, Professor! 


Professor:  You know, they all say that!


The Skipper and Gilligan look at each other incredulously. The Professor and Mary Ann return to the beach.


Skipper:  Hey, you two!  What the hell have you...


They notice the Professor is holding a metal tool and dragging the canoe. 


Skipper:  Oh.  Never mind.


Mrs. Howell walks onto to the beach.


Mrs. Howell: Oh Gilligan!  I understand you're quite the expert at catching fish in your bare hands.


Skipper: It's true, Mrs. Howell. Fish make out their wills when they see Gilligan coming!


Mrs. Howell: Well, perhaps you can teach me how, Gilligan. 


Gilligan and Mrs. Howell walk off the beach. The Skipper and the Professor react nonchalantly. Soon they hear:


Mrs. Howell:  Gilligan, it's a big one! 


Gilligan:   Wrap your hands around it, Mrs. Howell, it's very slippery! 


Mrs. Howell:  Oh, my hands are sliding
 up and down, up and down, up and down! 


Gilligan:  And later I'll help you eat it!


Gilligan and Mrs. Howell walk back onto the beach.  


Skipper:  So, you two, where's the fish?


Gilligan:  What fish? 


Just then the Professor jumps up.


Professor:  Look, a ship! Finally we're saved.

Skipper:  Can you see the name of the ship?

Professor:  It looks like the SS Lavender!

Gilligan: That's a funny name. 

Ginger:  Here they come!  Gee, they're dressed better than I am! 

Armando: Hello-o-o!   Oh, dear me, looks like you all need an emotional rescue. 


Captain Joseph: I'm  Captain Joseph and this is my First Mate Armando.


Skipper:  I'm the Skipper and this is Gilligan. And this is Ginger, Mary Ann, the Professor, and Mrs. Howell.


Captain Joseph: Well, collect your accoutrements and we'll shove up ... I mean, shove off.


The castaways go off to collect their things.


Armando:  Captain, I just have to ask you.


Captain Joseph: Yes, Armando?


Armando:  The Skipper or Gilligan?


Captain Joseph:  I don't know. But I have a feeling people are going to be asking that question for years to come.


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