Your Mission Should You Decide To Accept It: LULLABIES AND LOTS OF THEM

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm General Mark Milley, out of retirement to lead this critical mission. 

Welcome to Strike Force One.

Let me explain the top secret details of our mission.

Our Mission: Operation Save Democracy.

Our Strategy: Keep President Donald J. Trump asleep during standard waking hours so he is unable to further damage the republic.

Our Weapon: Lullabies. And lots of them.

                                                   

First, we have analyzed the optimal lullabies to implement.

1) "Rock a Bye Baby" has been rejected.  

Trump will dream bone spurs prohibit him from going anywhere near a treetop where "when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall and down will fall baby (Trump), cradle and all," and he'll wake up and invade Greenland.

2) "You Are My Sunshine" has been rejected. 

It seemed promising at first because Trump thinks he's everyone's sunshine but we can't risk Trump dreaming he's looking directly at the sun and waking up crazed out of his limited mind with a mild to moderate case of solar retinopathy.

2) "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" has been adopted.

Yes, a little star is indeed "like a diamond in the sky," and Trump will dream of forcibly taking over diamond mines in South Africa and Botswana and he'll fall smiling and snoring so deeply into rem sleep that even ICE flash bangs can't wake him up. 

More lullabies are being carefully analyzed. 

Second, multiple versions of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" are now being recorded by the following performers who have graciously agreed to donate their time and talents to our mission without compensation of any kind:

Celine Dion, Bad Bunny, The Weeknd, John Legend, Beyonce, Billie Eilish, Shabouzey, Kendrick Lamar, Ariana Grande, Drake, Allison Krauss, Tim McGraw, James Taylor, Taylor Swift, the guy who sings and does back flips, Sabrina Carpenter, Bruno Mars, Idina Menzel, Carrie Underwood, the woman who lives three houses down the block from each one of you, and many more too numerous to mention, each in their own style with their own unique interpretations and arrangements ... 

except Kid Rock. 

Third, Your Assignment:  According to a classified schedule which will be published daily, each of you will be individually assigned the duties of: 

a) smuggling the daily scheduled recordings into the White House, 

b) cuing them up in the proximity of Trump at the assigned moment, and

c) regularly poking Trump throughout your assigned shift to assure he's still deep in the Land of Nod and the nation protected. 

Yes, a question, Captain?

"What if Stephen Miller is present at the given moment we are to cue the lullaby?"

We have determined, Captain, that if Stephen Miller is present and exposed to sweet, gentle, and kind music such as to lull a child to sleep, he will crumble to dust.

One more point, Ladies and Gentlemen: Should any of you be caught or captured,  you know what will happen?

"You will disavow any knowledge of us, General Milley?"

No way!  We will proudly acknowledge your mission and brag about it! 

Whether or not Trump is asleep - no matter how many crazy screaming MAGA types remain - sooner or later the rest of the nation is bound to finally wake up.

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