And there’s the sound of the gavel, and they’re off!
Welcome to the 2017 Donald J. Trump Collusion Investigational Invitational! Yes, it's the three governmental bodies probing collusion between the Baby President and Russia racing to determine who will be the first to smoke out what the Baby-in-Chief is up to!
Breaking into the lead is the House Intelligence Committee, led by Head Coach Devin Nunes. What’s this?!! Coach Nunes has broken stride! Now he’s running off the track, with Assistant Coach Schiff hot in pursuit after him. But now Schiff himself has stopped --- for interviews!
House Intel is falling back! And Team Member Trey Gowdy is putting on the brakes even more, blathering on endlessly about unmasking to the point you’d think the next person to be unmasked was Zorro!
Surging past the House now is the Senate Intelligence Committee! Led by Richard Burr and Mark Warner --- widely known as the Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen of Professional Congressional Inquiry --- boy, have these guys come to investigate!
Team Senate Intel is moving briskly into the lead. Oh no, there’s a snag! Marco Rubio is attempting to weigh evidence, and from the looks of it you’d think he were trying to weigh Chris Christie!
Blowing past both Congressional Bodies now is the FBI! They’re coming off a very bad year with an extremely erratic effort in the 2016 Hillary Rodham Clinton E-Mail Investigational Invitational!
But look at the mercurial but talented Jimmy “Too Tall” Comey go now, answering tough questions, probing evidence, and barreling over every hurdle set for Team FBI by Trump apologists! Not too shabby for an investigational body that used to be run by a man in a dress!
And now they’re coming around the far turn, it’s the FBI with a lead driving to its conclusions, but here comes House Intel with a burst of speedy justice, and now it’s Senate Intel dashing toward the truth!
And here’s the finish line in this, the 2017 Donald J. Trump Collusion Investigational Invitational!
And the winner is ......
We don’t know yet. But we do know who the loser is.
The American people.