Twenty More Things to Stop Saying at Work

It's getting harder and harder 

to get a good afternoon's sleep here!

Came across an article on the internet recently called Ten Things to Stop Saying at Work which dispensed ten verbal utterances which if spoken at work could kill a business career faster than taking social media lessons from Anthony Weiner.

It was kind of a helpful article and all the phrases illustrated indeed seemed right on point: "I can't do that," "I'm so bored here," and "who the fuck do you think I am? James Franco?" all display a major lack of motivation that is sure to one day get you motivated right out the door. 

But there was much missing from the article.  As someone who has spent a number of marginally successful years in the business world, I have compiled a list of a number of additional things that you should immediately stop saying at work, primarily through having said them all.

So, folks, if you aspire to climb the corporate ladder, assuming you don't have fear of heights like I do, here then are Twenty More Things to Stop Saying at Work:

Twenty More Things to Stop Saying at Work

1)  It's getting harder and harder to get a good afternoon's sleep in this place.

2)  The company Smoke Free Policy doesn't also include weed, does it? 

3)  You know, I think we could use a union around here.

4)  Deodorant? I can't believe anybody wastes money on deodorant.

5)  Best part of my day?  Spitting in the office coffee pot every morning.

6)  Doesn't the boss look like an idiot with that stupid toupee?  It's not?!!

7)  My resume? Ha, it ought to win the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction!

8)  So I went into the men's room, thrust my foot into the next stall, and nothing happened!

9)  Y'know, I could look at cats on Facebook all day long.

10) Going out to lunch, see you tomorrow!

11) Of course "alot" is a word!  What kind of moron would break it into two words?

12) Let's get together sometime and compare criminal records.
  
13) I never could resist patting women in the office on the tushie.

14) I won't be in tomorrow, boss, got a big meeting with our competitors.

15) ISIS: they just make good sense. 

16) Sorry I didn't get the project done, once you get started watching that Scandinavian pornography .... 

17) I never realized our company had so many Jews.

18) Want some bourbon? 

19) Gotta get home, don't want to miss that Jerry Springer!

20) I'm the NRA.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gun Sanity At Last!

Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) shakes hands
 with National Reasonable Association's Wayne LaPierre

Flanked by the leadership of both the Democratic and Republican parties, President Obama today signed the Sane Armaments and Firearms Elucidation Regulations Bill (SAFER) in the While House Rose Garden to the generous applause of all present.

"How foolish we were ever to oppose this!" exclaimed an exhilarated Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the National Rifle Association. "These are common sense measures to protect all Americans and fully consistent with the Second Amendment."

Mr. LaPierre praised New York Senator Chuck Schumer for helping him to see reason. "Chuck's persuasive logic and rationality convinced us that we were wrong in our prior bone-headed opposition to a reasonable level of regulation of the use of firearms," remarked Mr. LaPierre.

Indeed dialogue and understanding among all parties on the gun issue is being credited as the reason the new law has passed.  SAFER provides for:

1) Universal background checks for all purchasers of firearms
2) Mandatory training in safe and responsible use of firearms for all who seek to own and use them, the NRA to be a leading provider of such training.
3) Banning of all semi-automatic military style weapons.

"All of us at the NRA are so thrilled with what has happened we are changing our name to the National Reasonable Association," said a beaming Mr. LaPierre.

"I am indeed gratified," said President Obama, "to at long last see rational thought and bi-partisan unity operating in an exemplary fashion to foster the safety and best interests of the American people."

And then I woke up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Secret of My Blogging Success

Welcome  to Perry's Blog!  

And tell 'em Groucho sent ya!

You've read all the recommendations all across the Internet and elsewhere as to how to drive traffic to your blog like they drove cattle across the Old West in the TV show Rawhide, and you feel you know it all.

Content is king, write about what you know, blog regularly but not too often, write about boobs (not that I would ever stoop to that!), and schmooze regularly on social media. But this is one  sure-fire secret that only I  and I alone know!

It's written right above:   tell 'em Groucho sent ya!

Back in June during the midst of the presidential campaign, I wrote a luke-warm political post called Whatever It Is, I'm Against It. the premise of which was that Mitt Romney --- whom some of you might remember ---  managed to criticize all of President Obama's  policies without offering any of his own. In the post, Mitt sings the famous Groucho Marx song from the movie Horse Feathers to interviewer Bob Schiefer in response to any question he's asked about anything remotely substantive.

I thought the post was mildly mirthful but apparently others did not.  It garnered little interest and no comments,  although that is certainly not unusual for a blog so comment deprived that even derogatory comments with personal and ethnic slurs are highly prized. So I gave it no mind and pressed on to further blogging disasters.

Then a curious thing happened.  While checking stats on Blogger, I noticed that Whatever It Is, I'm Against It was garnering more clicks than a tap dancing troupe in a hurricane. Clocking in at as many as 100 or more a day, it was getting more daily hits than most of my posts get in their entire meager and pathetic lifetimes.

How'd all those folks get there?  To paraphrase the catchphrase of Groucho's 1950's TV show You Bet Your Life ... 

Groucho Sent 'Em! 

All those making apparent pilgrimage to Perry were coming via Google in a search for the song and mustachioed comedian who warbled it. I had hit upon a niche area in the career of the fabled Marx Brother in which many people were interested but which had such sufficiently few search entries that mine prominently showed up.

Here's your Takeaway, Class:   Write about something  or someone that's popular but zero in on a relatively limited aspect of your subject.  For example:

Don't just write about  "Nicholas Cage."  Write about "Great Performances by Nicholas Cage." 

Don't just write about "ABBA." Write about  "Songs that don't suck by ABBA."

      Don't just write about the "NRA." Write about the "NRA and ideas that are not batshit!"

There's only one problem.  None of those people clicking onto Whatever it is, I'm Against It has the slightest interest in my post. No one has yet to leave a  comment or is likely to even read far enough to get the premise, much less like it. They want Groucho, not Blocko!

That's 16,437 people to date clicking into a site they had no intention of going to, yelling "shit, who is this asshole?!!" and promptly clicking out.  

Ooops, make that 16,632!  Anyway, give the secret of my blogging success a try.

And tell 'em Perry sent ya! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let's see how today's post fares in the faux Groucho clicks category.  Pretty soon, Blocko may be the fifth Marx Brother!

Free To Squeeze What We Damn Well Please

Wayne LaPierre of the New NRA;
"Free to squeeze what we damn well please!" 

In a stunning surprise announcement yesterday, the National Rifle Association (NRA) revealed that it is a clandestine organization for closeted gay people so intent on concealing their sexual orientation they have espoused a bogus philosophy regarding guns popularly believed to be "manly." The NRA has in effect since its founding been the world's largest beard, serving to conceal the sexual preferences of its now more than 4 million members.  

"But no more!" proclaimed NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre to a cheering throng at the group's annual convention yesterday.  "We are free to squeeze what we damn well please, and it isn't the trigger any more!"

Mr. LaPierre explained that recent declarations by Anderson Cooper and others had prompted all 4.3 million NRA members to come out of their very large collective closet. 

"Most importantly," stated LaPierre, "we're sickened at how all so many of you believe the ridiculous nonsense we've been forced to spew about guns all these years!  'Guns don't kill people, people kill people?!!'  That's about as credible as 'your check is in the mail,'  'I was just about to call you,' and 'I won't ... actually that third one doesn't need to be credible, even  better if it's not!"  

The NRA will now work vigorously towards implementing sane gun laws throughout the country, although a small splinter group of dissenting NRA members calling themselves the GGNA (Gay Gun Nuts of America) has also formed. 

Both President Obama and Governor Romney voiced support for the NRA's action, although Mr. Romney indicated regret that he may have blown possible prior opportunities to hold down Wayne LaPierre and cut his hair. "I see no reason for any change in the gun laws," said Governor Romney, "but will reserve judgment until I meet with the GGNA  as to whether they should be further watered down." 

President Obama indicated that he would now strongly support sane and reasonable gun laws, most specifically a ban on semi-automatic assault weapons that come in designer colors, but that he wouldn't have time to get around to it until at least the latter part of 2016  and most likely later. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Caucus for Creative Cowering

One Nation, under Guns .... 

In the wake of the shooting tragedy in Florida, it's been highly encouraging to witness our nation's lawmakers promptly springing into action. 

To a one, they are boldly leaping forward into hiding places under not only desks and chairs but tables and china closets as well!   Republicans and many Democrats are joining hands in the noble effort to squelch even the slightest whisper that maybe we ought to pass a law or two to stop Americans from being systematically gunned down in the streets.

Rarely do our elected officials work together so effectively and bi-partisanly.  How do they manage it, I wondered. It seems the answer lies in the actions of a previously little known coalition referred to as the Congressional Caucus for Creative Cowering. 

On promise of complete and total anonymity,  Representative Arthur "Doodles" Worthington (R-257 District PA) --- a heavy-set balding 48 year old graduate of Old Diploma Mill University with a taste for cheap brown suits and an office staff almost exclusively made up of women named "Kitten" who has been re-elected eight times --- agreed to speak with me about the functioning of the Caucus.

Rep. Worthington:  Mr. Block, the Caucus for Creative Cowering is dedicated to assuring that each member of the legislative branch of government  successfully fulfills the highest duties of his or her office.

Block:  I see.  Which is, of course, to serve the best interests of the citizens of the United States of America! 

Rep. Worthington:  Not exactly.  Which is to get elected and stay elected!   (You are keeping this anonymous,right?)

Block:  Absolutely!   Well, what exactly does the Caucus do?

Rep. Worthington:  Every now and then one of our members gets a silly little thought in his  head that maybe we ought to think about regulating the use of guns like, say, the way we regulate the use of motor vehicles, something like that. 

Block:  And what happens then? 

Rep. Worthington:  We meet with the member and gently but firmly advise him or her:

DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SPEND THE REST

OF YOUR LIFE AS THE

 UNIDENTIFIABLE MEAT PRODUCT

IN THE CHILI CON CARNE IN THE COMMISSARY AT THE

WASHINGTON DC HEADQUARTERS OF

THE NATIONAL RIFLE ASSOCIATION?

That usually handles the matter.

Block:   So do you guys have meetings?

Rep. Worthington:  Yes, sir!  In Washington, we have breakfast meetings with speakers like Deputy Fife from The Andy Griffith Show, Larry of The Three Stooges, and both Shaggy and Scooby from Scooby Do!   We have seminars to teach members how to fall to their knees whenever they see a handgun, even if they haven't been shot.  And we have two big balls!  

Block:  Two big balls?!  It sounds like you don't have any ...

Rep. Worthington:  No, no!  I mean two big formal dances. (This is confidential, right?) 

Block:  One hundred percent.  Does the Caucus have a slogan or motto?

Rep. Worthington:  We have three: "Time Heals All Wounds,"  "Guns Don't Kill, But the NRA Does," and "Ka-boom! Ooops, well, no Biggee."

Block:  I take it you really love guns.

Rep. Worthington:  Me?   OMG, No!  Those things can kill ya!

Block:   Well, I have to say, Congressman Worthington, I've always been pretty much of a wimp myself, but you guys in the Congressional Caucus for Creative Cowering make me feel almost like Batman!

Rep. Worthington: Why, thank you!

Block:  Thank you???   Why would you say that?

Rep. Worthington:  It means we're a hit!   And that, my friend, you can print!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Open Letter to the Non-Millionaires of America

       

                          Senators Gillibrand and Landrieu

If you'd like to talk about them, just call.  
 Because we care! 

We, the members of the Republican Party of the United States of America, truly care about each and every one of you.

Especially when we’re on the back nine.

Because we care, we’re letting you know that shortly we’ll be slashing to ribbons every single wasteful spendthrift social entitlement program in the United States budget, including Medicare, Social Security, and Free Giveaways of Government Surplus Cardboard. There will not even be any ribbons left after we slash them to ribbons because we plan to slash the ribbons to ribbons as well. 

But don’t worry, dear underfunded friends.  You won’t be hurt in the least!  All you need do is become a millionaire before the cuts take effect.

You could:

 1) Have passionate and repeated sex with a member of the Obama Administration or a Democratic member of Congress, then blackmail him or her for millions of dollars. Even without a Clinton, Kennedy, or Edwards around, every Democrat is a seething, slobbering, cesspool of a pervert just waiting to pounce on pure, innocent and unsuspecting Republican women, if only there were any attractive ones.

Note: If you’re a guy and you manage to pull this off with Senator Kirsten Gillibrand of New York or Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu and you’re indiscreet and feel like talking,  please give a call.  A sex tape would be heaven!

2) Start yourself up a business. Design an innovative product no one’s ever thought of before, arrange the necessary financing with the investment banker of your choice (we recommend J.P. Morgan Chase, Bank of America, or Royal Bank of Scotland), and set up a non-union manufacturing plant, preferably in a southern state. Or go off-shore, the costs are even lower!

3) Gamble!  No casinos where you live? Solicit your professional organization such as the American Medical Association (AMA),  the Committee of Unctuous  Lawyers (CUL), or the National Alliance for Nepotism (NAN) to hold its annual convention in Las Vegas or Atlantic City. Or better yet, join the National Rifle Association (NRA) and we’ll get our buds to hold their convention somewhere in a red state that has legalized gambling. Bring lotsa quarters! And bullets!

For more great ideas on earning plenty quicker than you can say Pawlenty, please see Perry Block’s perceptive piece “Idea or I-Dud,”  but forget the suggestion about Republican candidate bobble-head dolls because we’ve already been there, done that. 

Jiggle on, Newt!

And once you’ve become a millionaire, you won’t even have to pay taxes! We’re taking care of that for you too --- because we care.

We, the members of the Republican Party of the United States of America, can’t wait to welcome each and every one of you aboard the Yacht of State of our great country!

Just don’t ever expect us to play golf with you.

~~~~~~~~

Idea or I-DUD?

Stephen Hawking & the Hoff (l to r)

  (see No. 3 below)

Like most of us, I am often given to speculating about new ideas for products or services that could make me a bundle.

I’m sure you do the same.

However, unlike the lame-brained impractical ideas you come up with like the Barbie/Arnold Schwarznegger Domestic Help Fun Set, my ideas are pretty damn good.  Every one of them would stand a great chance of making big money if only the mere thought of actually putting down the clicker and implementing one of them didn’t induce in me a whining sound that literally summons dogs from miles around.

Still I’m not getting any younger (Note to Self: Come up with machine that enables me to get younger), so it’s time to get off my duff!  I’ve listed below the outstanding ideas for getting rich that have recently occurred to me, and I’d like you to get off your ass (I decided not to use the goofy word duff again) and pick the ones I ought to be putting into play.

I'm asking you to comment because I've already requested son Brandon review the list and eliminate whatever he thought unlikely of success, although why he crossed the Hillary Clinton Blow-Up Doll off the list is totally beyond me!

So tell me now:  Which of the following is an IDEA and which is an I-DUD?

(And, oh yes:  if the idea or ideas you select involve any technical or mechanical skills or know-how --- which being a Jew I obviously don't possess--- please also recommend a nice Italian man I can hire to implement them.) 

Thank you!
 PS. Don’t steal any of my ideas.
PPS. Once I’m famous, don’t even think about trying to contact me.

1) French Toast Which Insults You As You Eat It. “That’s the best you can pour syrup?”  “You call that masticating?”  “Instead of you, why couldn’t I have been eaten by Dominique Strauss-Kahn, just like all the others?”

2) Underwear that Automatically Washes Itself as Soon as You’re in an Accident.

3) Calculus with the Stars.  Renowned experts in the world of math and science weekly cram the operating principles of the universe down the gullets of the very top of the Hollywood D-List. Most likely Season One Winners: Professor Stephen Hawking and the Hoff!

4) Sell one shoe in tandem with a booklet entitled “The Joys of Hopping on One Foot.”

5) Establish humane meat packing company which provides meat products derived from animals which die only from natural causes, highway accidents, or suicide.

6) Develop and Market line of business cards which say “THIS IS THE FAX NUMBER, STUPID! WANT TO RUPTURE YOUR EARDRUM, GO AHEAD & DIAL IT!  

7) Mean Horn, Nice Horn. Cars will come equipped with two horns, one for when some jerk almost crashes into you and another for when you just want to pleasantly signal the driver ahead of you that the light has changed. A great safety feature to have whenever you accidentally push down too hard when you intend to make the nice horn sound and create the mean horn sound and the driver in front of you turns out to be an irascible member of the National Rifle Association!

8) Establish new restaurant franchise known as “The International Apartment of Pancakes”

9) Edible Pornography. Enjoy yourself, then chow down on the evidence. 

10) Republican Presidential Candidate Bobble Head Dolls.

11) Establish Placement Agency for Deposed Dictators. Provide job-seeking services for discarded despots including much-needed assistance in developing more marketable descriptive adjectives than “blood-thirsty” “rapacious” and “genocidal" for inclusion in resume Personal Summary. 

12) Clone-able Socks. Think this one's a winner, but frankly I’m going to need a really good Italian man to figure out the mechanics of it!

13) Create and market healthful salad that looks and tastes as good as a hot fudge sundae.  N-a-a-a-h-h-h!  Who'd care?

14) Eliminate unnecessary dual use of term “double-decker.” Slather double-decker bus with lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, turkey, bacon, and ham. Affix wheels and exhaust to double-decker sandwich.

15) Weinergate.  Meet the newest slang word in the English language: whatever else it's used for, shouldn't it also become a synonym for zipper?  Zip up that Weinergate of yours, and spread it around!

Thank you for helping me to answer the question "Idea or I-DUD?"

What's that? 

What do you mean "I-DUNCE?!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Only a Number

An Original One Act Play

As presented at the National Rifle Association Dinner Theatre

in lovely Burfork Falls, North Dakota

Prior to Broadway

(All right, so we didn't make it to Broadway.
At least we didn't get shot.)

 Written, Directed, Produced, and Cast and Crew Terrorized by Perry Block

Cast of Characters

Perry Block --- Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute job seeker.
Vance Stud-Young --- Rude, Crude Dude with Attitude (I like that! You?)
Fred Burton --- Busy recruitment executive.
Cynthia --- Well meaning but slightly pixilated personal assistant to Fred Burton.
_______________________________________________

Act I, Scene I

A business office. Cynthia is sitting up front in outer reception area. Perry, dressed in a business suit, enters, smiles, and walks up to her.

Cynthia: Hello, you must be new in the building. The air conditioning unit has been ....

Perry: (a bit taken aback by this) Oh, no, I’m not here to fix the air conditioning unit.  In fact, I’m so not handy I probably would dress something like this to fix an air conditioner!  I’m Perry Block and I’m here to see Mr. Burton about the advertised position.

Cynthia: (somewhat surprised) Oh, well, then! You must need to lie down …. I mean, would you like to sit down? My name is Cynthia. There’s magazines here …. We have Reader’s Digest, GeezerWorld, and Alte Cockers on Parade. Oh, would you like to see this month’s issue of PolyesterDude? Great article on beating constipation!

Perry: Thanks, Cynthia, but I’ll just pick one out myself.

She nods to him. He selects Rolling Stone and sits down; she is dumbfounded.

Cynthia: Sir, I think you made a mistake; that magazine is about rock and roll, not geology.

Perry: Oh, no mistake. I’ve been reading Rolling Stone since the late 60’s. (trying to relate) Funny story, in the early 70’s a group called Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show did kind of a goof song called “The Cover of the Rolling Stone” which actually landed them on the cover ....

Cynthia: (trying to be nice but clearly not fascinated)   I'll ask my Granny about that. She knows about all those old-fashioned music groups like the ... um ... Beat-offs, I think their name was.  (changing subject) I’ve got a call to make now. (lifts receiver) If you need anything, just holler! I mean, just make a very loud gurgling sound and I’ll hear you well enough before you start choking!

Perry: (facetiously) Yes, nurse, thank you.

Perry sits down and begins leafing through the magazine.

In blows a much younger guy. Looks confident but a bit sleazy and overly casual in his manner. He glares at Perry as if to say “riff raff” and swaggers up to Cynthia as she puts down the phone. She looks kind of impressed.  (Chicks!)

Vance: Mr. Vance Stud-Young. Of the Omaha Stud-Youngs. Here to see Mr. Fred Burton at 9:00 A.M. (to himself, but so Cynthia can hear) Huh, for once I’m actually on time!

Cynthia: (brightly) Yes, Mr. Stud-Young! We’ve been expecting you! There’s just one gentleman in front of you who’s No. 1, but (she cups her hand to whisper to him) I don’t think he’ll take very long.

Vance plunks himself down next to Perry.

Vance: Hey, dude, you here collectin' for liver spots research? I don’t think they ‘preciate you pawing their magazines.

Perry:  Oh, no, I’m here for a job. Just like you.

Vance: Like me? Ain't nobody like me! And I got the tattoos of Jesse James on my butt to prove it!

Perry: Well, I can't compete with that.   Though frankly I've never seen the need to hire an interior decorator for my tuchas....

Vance walks over to Cynthia who seeks to reassure him.

Vance: What agency sent him? --- Cadavers & Co? How did he get here? The free downtown passes for old geezers don’t operate on Wednesday.

Cynthia: I believe he drove himself. And today's Tuesday, Mr. Stud-Young.

Vance: How could a dilapidated dude like that get a license? And me yet with mine suspended for two silly DUI’s. Or was it three?

Cynthia: Well, like it or not, Mr. Stud-Young, he’s No. 1 today. He got here first.

Vance: Well we’ve got to do something ….. Tell Mr. Burton I gotta be one and he gotta be two.  I didn’t have no breakfast and I need my Happy Meal with special toy for children under 3  fast or my whole day will suck!

In comes Mr. Fred Burton, an executive recruiter type. He gives a broad smile to Vance and glances at Perry, looking away so quickly it would give a normal person complexes, let alone Perry. 

Burton and Cynthia briefly whisper.

Burton: (to Vance) Oh, yes, I see the problem now. Cynthia tells me there's been a mix-up.  You, Mr. Stud-Young, were scheduled as No. 1 today and you, Mr. Block,  you're.... you're .....

Cynthia: (eagerly) 59! …… (flustered) uhh, I mean……No. 2!

Vance: (to Perry) Only a number, Pop!

Burton: I’m sorry Mr. Block; you’ll have to wait a bit. In fact, why don’t you stop down in our coffee shop and get some luke-warm tea? They have decaffeinated, and y'know, they also make a mean bowl of porridge!  They can make it luke-warm as well!

Perry: (facetiously once again)  Well, that's tempting, Mr. Burton.  May I ask Cynthia to hold my teeth while I head down there?   

Ignoring Perry, Burton shakes Vance’s hand enthusiastically and walks him over to the other side of the room. He talks to him warmly, gesturing upward as if to say "the sky's the limit, my retro-neanderthal friend!"  Cynthia, still seated at the desk, gives Perry a little smile and returns to her desk work.

 Burton:  Frankly, young man, I like the cut of your jib! 

Vance: Yeah, I've always had a smokin' hot jib!   But now tell  me all about what makes da world go round (Y'know,  I think it's round ....):   the comp and bennes!

Burton speaks excitedly, smiles broadly, and spreads his hands and arms wide apart  as if to say “this much money and even more if I were bigger and had longer arms!” Burton briefly shakes his head, but continues on excitedly.

Vance, however, does a double-take! 

Vance: No signin’ bonus!!!   And to think I learned to sign my name last week for  this??!!!   You’re so lame and I’m so outta here!

Burton: (desperate) But Vance! Mr. Stud-Young!

Vance:  (to Perry) See ya, Pop.  This place is just your speed:  Rocking Chair, First Gear!

Vance storms out muttering "got an extra hour, get me an extra Jesse." Burton and Cynthia look at each other.

Burton: (to Cynthia) Now what are we gonna do!?   I was struck dumb by Stud-Young!

Cynthia:  Say that fast five times!

Burton:  Cynthia!  How are we ever going to fill this position?

Cynthia whispers to Burton briefly and half points to Perry.   Burton regards Perry with a sort of "not if he were the last man on earth" look, which frankly is a particular look Perry has seen more than a few times in another context.  After a long pause, Burton approaches Perry.

Burton: Uhh, Mr. Block, it seems to me, umm, our No. 1 is temporarily indisposed.  May I see your resume, please?

Perry hands his resume to Burton.

Burton:  Well, it's kind of nice that the Executive Summary isn't covered with chunky peanut butter for a change.

Perry:  Frankly, I did wipe some apple jam off the Competencies.  But you'll notice I saved all my misspellings for words with one or more syllables. 

Burton:  Ha!  And you ran a Human Resources comedy troupe.  That’s funny.

Cynthia: Oh, I saw them once. It wasn’t that funny….

Burton: But still kind of a creative idea. You have some credentials, it seems ….

Perry: (modestly, like the hell of a guy he is!) Well, you can get just about anything on the internet these days.....

Burton:  Mr. Block, we should talk. Why don’t you come into my office?

Perry: Sounds good to me.

Burton: I guess maybe you are our No. 1 today after all.

Perry: That’s OK. It’s only a number.

Perry and Burton vanish into the office together. Cynthia, looking pleased, goes back to her work.

The End
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~