Blackberry Ringing (FF)

FF- Friday Fictioneers

copyright - Roger Bultot

Blackberry Ringing

(to the tune of Blackbird) 

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things, watch e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Not hard to theorize, it’s plain to see.

All your life.
Forever you’ll be waiting for a moment to be free. 

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night through the dark black night.

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night ‘til the broad daylight.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things and e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are only sated when an e-mail does arrive. 
With this gadget you are mated in an e-mail paradise. 

You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

I realize that "Blackerry Ringing" is a bit dated these days,  but iPhone ringing simply doesn't cut it.  Anyway, I always wondered what would have happened were the always ahead-of-their-time Beatles ever to have come face to face with modern technology and social media. 

This is one example; there's a couple more from the very early days of this blog in Meet the Beatles, Mr. Zuckerberg. Perhaps you have a few more ideas? In the meanwhile here are the ideas of the many other Friday Fictioneers regarding the picture prompt above.

Maybe I'll do a few more of these when I'm 64.  Ooops, already missed that!

To My Younger Self

Now there's a younger self 

I'd like to communicate with!

One of the current trends in our culture is the concept of going back in time to speak directly to our younger selves. That is, after first killing Baby Hitler, saving Abraham Lincoln, and learning the secrets from Benjamin Franklin on being a 60 plus year old babe magnet. 

The latest celebrity to join the trend is Jane Fonda, who in a recorded letter to her prior self urges young Jane not to make Barbarella, to stop marrying such widely diverse husbands, and to limit face lifts to fewer than one per meal.

    

It seemed to me that sharing my wit and wisdom with a pint-sized Perry would be pretty cool too, especially since no one else will listen to it. So I suspended my disbelief, climbed into the Way Back Machine, and traveled way back to 1962. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're 12 year old Perry Block, aren't you? 

You see, I'm Perry Block too.

Perry, I've come here to share some important thoughts with you.  Please hold your applause until the end.

1) Remember to always follow the path of Judaism, because it will lead you to deep spirituality, great Chinese food, and well-to-do Jewish girls. Also I wouldn't want God to squash you like a bug.

2) Do not waste your time or effort with argumentative or difficult persons. They are vexations to the soul. Just let them steal your lunch money and move on.

3) Find your passion.  Maybe you left it in the car.  Check the couch cushions next.

4) Do not get involved with mind-altering drugs!   After you thoroughly ignore this, never settle for twigs and seeds.

5) Be kind to others on the way up. On the way down, feel free to be a shit.

6) Don't waste much time watching television. Instead, do whatever it is you see on television that looks like something you'd like to try. I wouldn't go dueling with Zorro though.

7) In college you will meet a blonde girl with blue eyes and a great bod named Alice Bernstein.  Even if you have to invoke Satan, summon the guts to ask her out!  Make me some memories.

8) There will be a comedian on television named Bill Cosby. Tell people you think he sucks.  It may take a while, but I promise this will pay off for you. 

9) Coke, not Pepsi.  Although be prepared  to weather an unbelievably whacked time in the late 80's with something called "New Coke."

10) Democrats, not Republicans.  If there's any doubt about this wait till you see the asshole they're planning to run for President in 2016.

11) Mary Ann, not Ginger.  I know it's counter-intuitive, kid; just trust me on this.

12) Exercise regularly. Once a year every year without fail.

13) If at first you don't succeed, try try try again.  Then quit.

14) Do not waste time being jealous of others. Get right to undermining them. 

15) Remember: You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.  Thank God this only applies to hockey.

16) Remember these names: John, Paul, George, and Ringo. They will change your life.

17) And say goodbye to that goofy pompadour. They will change your hair too.

18) Become proficient in a sport because it will make you popular. I recommend curling.

19) Become a humor writer for your Great Second Act in Life. You will at long last fully indulge your creative and aesthetic spirit as you slowly starve to death.

20) Don't leave anything on the table, kid. Do what you want to do, go where you want to go, follow every dream you have. You won't be young forever.  

And Perry, this is the most important thing I have to tell you. Don't take for granted those people around you who are important to you.  I know you won't really understand this now, but they won't always be here.

Okay, kid, I'm headed back to 2015.  When will you see me again?

In 55 years.

When you're the one traveling back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This Day in Rock History (FF)

copyright - Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

August 12, 1962:

"I have an idea, mates," said Jeremiah. "From now on we only play rock n' roll."

"I don't know," said Pablo. "You mean forget about fox trots, waltzes, and polkas?" 

"Exactly.  Imagine all the people loving us when they see us!"

"You could be right, Jeremiah," responded Gerardo. "All things must pass and it's time for the new."

"Okay, I'm in," agreed Pablo. "Maybe they will love us do. What do you think, Rutger?"

"I think I might turn out to be the luckiest guy in history!" 

And so was born the greatest musical group of all time:   

Jeremiah, 
Pablo,
Gerardo, 
and Rutger  

The Beatles!  

John, Paul, George, and Ringo?  That's a parallel universe, dudes. 

What the hell have you been smoking?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sure I wasn't alone in thinking of the Beatles when I saw the above prompt standing there for this week's Friday Fictioneers songfest, so I wrote about the four moptops, Jeremiah, Pablo, Gerardo, and Rutger and how they got their start.

All you need is love and a good mouse to click here for the entrees, Beatles-related or otherwise, of the other Fictioneers.

And you know what, Rutger?  Even though you were indeed the luckiest guy in history, Ringo - of the parallel Earth - may have been even a bit luckier!

Straight to Her Door

"Hey, John, why so down in the dumps?"

"It's Shelly. I really love her, but I'm not getting anywhere. All these moods, changes, twists, turns ...I just can't find the road to the door to her heart!"

"No problem, man, I can help you." 

"What can you do?"

"I can tell you how to get right to where you wanna be in no time."

"What's that?"

"I said I can put you on the road to her door that's just as short and straight as the way to the pyramid at the end of the boardwalk." 

"How?"

"With the Beatles.  And just the right song."

"What's that?"

"This one, of course."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And what aren't the Beatles right for?  They influenced us in every way --- music, thought, culture, style, and more.  Even though today I can't stand Paul McCartney, I would still die for him. 

Well, this straight to the heart romantic advice represents my weekly contribution to the Friday Fictioneers.  Click here for the straight and effortless path to the other Fictioneers and their many thoughts, musical and otherwise, on the picture prompt above.

Remember, all you need is love .... of my blog posts! 

A Baby Boomer Looks (and Winces Somewhat Less) at Tattoos

Now that's a nice tattoo!

I'm  evolving.

When last this Baby Boomer looked at tattoos over two years ago,  I rendered forth a rather curmudgeonly view.  I looked, I winced,  and I looked away. 

But I also wrote that each generation establishes its own cool, and if we learned anything from the 60's, it's that we ought to respect each other's differences.  So, Gen X, Gen Y, and millennials everywhere, today I respect you and embrace you and your tattoos!  

Somewhat.  Kind of.

Most Boomers  take no shine to tattoos, and there is a special reason for this that most non-Boomers cannot appreciate. In the late 60's and early 70's, the world was generally divided into freaks (i.e hippies and pseudo-hippies) and greasers (motorcycle heads, uneducated bigots, and singer Wayne Newton).  There were also "preps," but they're irrelevant to this discussion; for more  on the subject see the movie "Caddy Shack" and/or the latest L.L. Bean catalog.  

Freaks protested the Vietnam War, read pretentious books like Steppenwolf, and smoked the very best dope their parents' monthly expense checks could afford. Greasers protested protesting the Vietnam War,  got no expense check and didn't know the meaning of "pretentious," and were frequently found engaging in a favored past time of yelling at freaks "why don't you get a haircut, you (expletive for a gay person)?!" 

The greasers were also the ones with all the tattoos, often in the form of a skull and crossbones, a crudely rendered Jesus, and/or  lots and lots of hearts and arrows with chicks' names etched through the center of them.

These were our youthful Baby Boomer times and our heroes reflected those times.  How many tattoos do you think the Beatles, Mick Jagger, the Who, Jimi Hendrix,  Jim Morrison, Bob Dylan, and Jerry Garcia had collectively? Well, math isn't exactly my strong suit but .... let's see, carry the one, add the two, multiply by  15 ....  ah yes, the answer is zero!  And all of those seminal rock stars who survive to this day continue to be ink free.

That is why to many Boomers the concept that tattoos are now considered hip seems to make about as much sense as if big fat pimply guys who never shower and pick their noses in public were to suddenly be considered hip!

But  I have looked at tattoos once again and I have evolved.  And the fact is I now find some tattoos kind of pretty.  As a Boomer, I would never get one myself,  but one or two or even three strategically placed tattoos on a younger person are quite okay in my newly revised and updated book. 

For example,  I kind of like this one:

And this one is very nice indeed ....

And this one I love! (who wouldn't?)

But on the other hand,
if you think these are cool 
(and yes, that's Adam Levine) ...  

Don't forget that in far fewer years than you think, 

those will change into 

THESE!!!

And  if you think THESE are cool, 

Don't expect me to ever share the best dope my parent's expense check will afford with you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

A Day at the Beach

He had always loved the beach.

Sitting by ocean's edge, feeling the sun upon his skin, splashing into the water, riding the waves. And buying ice cream about mid-day from the pony-tailed man yelling 

"Eskimo Pies!  Get your Eskimo Pies," 

and looking at all the pretty girls in their skimpy bikinis, always getting progressively younger.  Well, not much he could do about that.

Damn near perfect.  Each and every time.

Even the walk itself over the boardwalk bridge to the vast expanse of seemingly endless sand before him normally filled him with anticipation and delight. 

Unfortunately,  today he was playing golf. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Picture prompt above, story below, 1oo words .... Yep, I  finally hit the exact mark for prescribed words for my contribution to the Fabulous Friday Fictioneers and Magical Mystery Tour for this, the fourth week of January, 2013.

Roll up for the Friday Fictioneers, Step Right This Way to the other contributors by clicking the link above.  And see you at the beach!

I've (Still) Got A Rock 'N Roll Heart

All you need is them!

I've got a rock 'n roll heart, even still  at age 61.

It may not beat quite as loudly as it used to,  but for most Baby Boomers the music never dies and rock 'n roll never forgets.  The manner in which we enjoy the music, though, does seem to go through a change or two.

Once we thought Rock 'n Roll Would Save the World,  but I don't remember that ever happening.  There is still war, crime, poverty, injustice, Martha Stewart, reality TV, deification of the Second Amendment, and a television program called "The Chew." The only thing missing from the world since those golden olden days of yore is my hair.

Similarly Sex and Drugs and Rock 'n Roll is no longer the Mantra of Our Generation.  Most of us are lucky anymore to be pulling down one of the three.

And most Boomers no longer follow the comings and goings of rock stars as they once did. There was a time I could readily tell you that Stevie Winwood went from the Spencer Davis Group to Traffic to Blind Faith and on to a solo career that exploded with Arc of a Diver and that Neil Young traveled from Buffalo Springfield to Crazy Horse and then to the epic Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young and is still doing God-knows-what today.  

Today,  God-knows-what Neil Young is doing today. 

The following represents the wisest commentary on the rock 'n roll this Boomer still loves that I can impart at this stage of my rather advanced game.

Rock 'on, Geezers!

1)  Bob Dylan ought to pick one religion and stick to it.

2)  Old dudes love Steely Dan.  ( ... except for Peg and a few other played out ditties.)

3)  Joe Jackson's song Is She Really Going Out With Him?  is an instant classic with a catchy melody and spot on lyrics expressing the male angst that almost every guy has felt at one time or another:

   "Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street ....  look over there - where? - here comes Jeannie with her new boy friend,  they say that looks don't count for much, and so there goes your proof .... Is she really going out with him?  Is she really gonna take him home tonight?"

And yet everyone jumps up and down over Steppin' Out, a pleasant enough little tune  that sounds like the theme song to a 1970's cop show. There's something going wrong around here!

4)  Mick Jagger must never die.  I never believed Frank Sinatra would die,  and yet he did.  Don't ever die, Mick!  Do it for Frank.

5)  No disco song ever written is as good to dance to as Sugar Magnolia.  

6)  I still play air guitar.  I wouldn't mind if my name were Randy California.   In a way, I'm kind of glad we'll never have to come face to face with a 70 year old Jim Morrison.  WXPN in Philadelphia has got to stop playing You Get What You Give by The New Radicals,  one of the more overrated "rock" songs in recent memory,  cheap pop dressed up as rock with simplistic pseudo revolutionary lyrics.  I can never decide if it's cool to like Todd Rundgren or a guilty pleasure.  I could go on like this forever ..... 

7) The Beatles are the single most important musical group to appear in the second half of the twentieth century.  They changed the music we listen to, they way we think, the way we look, the way we act, and the culture of the world.   Even though today I hate Paul McCartney, I would still die for him.

8)  Some classic rock,  no matter how inherently great,  is as played out as Cher's career.  If you're still going "Oh, Man!," whenever Stairway to Heaven,  Layla (original version), or The Waiting is the Hardest Part comes on the radio,  you've got serious  "It's time to move on, dude!"  issues.

9)                                                               Only love can make it rain,                 

     The way the beach is kissed by the sea.

     Only love can make it rain, 

     Like the sweat of lovers laying in the fields.

    Love Reign o'er me.

    Love, Reign o'er me,

    Reign, o'er me,  Reign, o'er me  ....

OMG!  Kiss Me, You Fool!!!  

(Does it to me every time.)

10)  If it's similarly deep and salient thoughts you want about rock music post year 2000, you'll have to talk to my son Brandon.  Or, better yet, talk to your own kid.

Our rock 'n roll hearts beat on.  And best of all,  are rocking on in a new generation as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Safety Net

"And next on World News Tonight,  we have  David Muir's exclusive interview with Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney, which is exclusive to ABC News.   And David is exclusively here with us right now."

"Thank you, Diane.  I had the opportunity to sit down exclusively with Mitt Romney earlier today and after we admired each other's hair for several minutes, I got down to some tough and exclusive questions about his latest verbal misstep ...."

"Governor Romney, you've been criticized for making the statement that you are not concerned about the very poor because they have a safety net." 

"No, David, that couldn't be further from the truth.  I am concerned about the plight of all Americans --- rich or poor, black or white, fat or thin, gay or straight, Yankees or Red Sox, Beatles or Stones, Twitter or Facebook,  Ginger or Mary Ann.  I want to help everyone!"

"Governor, do you actually know anybody who is among the very poor?" 

"Of course, David. I'm on a first name basis with many people who are among the very poor.  Not that I'd let them call me by my first name." 

"What do you do with your friends who are among the very poor?"

"We talk, David.  I want to understand the serious problems they face in their very poor world."  

"Such as?"

"What it's like to play golf at a public course.  Do they have to take very early tee-off times or can they sleep til noon like I do? Do they get the better caddies or do they have to take illegal immigrants who are at best marginal at helping to line up putts? And when they get picked up at the airport in a non-stretch limo, is the vodka a decent Russian or Scandinavian brand or is it Smirnoff's?"

"How does it happen that you meet people who are among the very poor?"

"David, you think everyone at Bain Capital has my portfolio?"   

"Well, thank you for clarifying your earlier statement, Governor Romney.  Out of curiosity, are you personally Ginger or Mary Ann?" 

"Ginger.  How could you even ask that, David?   In fact, I'm really not concerned about the people who are Mary Ann."

"(Oh boy, here we go again!)  Why is that, Governor Romney?"

"Because they have a safety net."

"Which is?" 

"Why, Mrs. Howell, of course!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Regis for President!

 

Hail to the Chief!

If you've been anywhere near a television this entire week, you know one thing:

The next President of the United States should be
 Regis Philbin! 

And I am today announcing that I am the volunteer head of the newly-formed  "Committee to  Draft Regis Philbin For President of the United States - 2012!" 

Here's why Regis is the most qualified person in the nation to be your next President:

1) America loves him!  You've seen it all:  Regis is a combination Joe DiMaggio, Harrison Ford, Astronaut John Glenn, George Clooney, Beatles, Elvis, Lady Gaga, Batman, Scarlett Johansson, {insert whoever you think is really cool here but it's probably Regis anyway so don't bother},  and of course,  Justin (Beiber and Timberlake!).  He is all things to all people.  

Regis is chocolate if chocolate were a person!

2) Would that face lie to you?  

3) You can't help but like him.   Think Ahmadinejad could resist the Regis charm?

"Gelman!  Gelman!  Pull up a chair for my friend Mahmoud!   Mahmoud, we don't want to go out of control!  You don't want nuclear weapons,  Mahmoud,  what you really want is a night on the town in New York City with Kelly Ripa!" 

Missile crisis defused. 

4) He knows how to work with vice-presidential types.  And if he could work with Kathie Lee Gifford,  he could easily handle Dick Cheney.

5) Gridlock?  What Gridlock?  Regis could bring Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher back together by 9:07 including a commercial break.  Don't be surprised if  Congressman Barney Frank and Newt Gingrich aren't next!

6) His wife Joy would  make a lovely First Lady.  As she's demonstrated from her countless televison appearances, Joy Philbin is poised, intelligent, and at 70 still even  a bit hot.  And if anything should happen to her, Kathie Lee would lose no time leaping in to fill the void! 

7) He appears to still have pretty good hair.  America will never elect a bald president other than one that was more or less responsible for winning World War II.  Regis' hair looks darn good for somebody his age, and if it isn't all his, who the hell cares? 

8) He is a friend to the Jews.  Gelman and Joey Bishop, to name just two.

9) He's worked with many beautiful women over the years.  Who knows?  Maybe Regis could help us older guys get chicks! 

10) He needs a job.

Just a minute, folks, I think I hear Regis calling me!

Nah, he was just calling for Gelman.

Which is a good thing!  Because, folks, I have an awful lot of work to do and ...

 I'm out of control!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Within You Without You

I finally got around to seeing the Martin Scorsese film about George Harrison on HBO the other night, or at least as much of the 3 1/2 hour opus as I'm ever likely to see.

It confirmed for me that George --- usually thought of as the Quiet Beatle --- was at heart a rather unpretentious guy who probably never quite got over the fact that he was able to pick up the phone at 4:00  in the morning and get Bob Dylan. He was also a lot smarter, wittier, and more creative than he was generally given credit for being.

Could there have been a Beatles without George Harrison as long as there was a Lennon-McCartney?  No doubt about it.  But would it have been The Beatles?  

Would anything great have been as great without all the moving parts as we know them?

The Three Stooges without Larry

All guys love the Three Stooges, but the curly-haired stooge in the middle often gets our short shrift, if in fact he gets any shrift at all. But Larry Fine served as the perfect buffer, smoothing out the hard edges between the more prominent Moe and Curly.

It was Larry who prevented The Two Stooges from becoming a dizzying non-stop Slap Slap Slap/Nyuk-Nyuk-Nyuk-a-Thon  difficult even for you and me to stomach much of the time,  let alone your wife or girl friend who thinks the Stooges suck and never loses an opportunity to turn them off whenever she comes into the room!  

Sherlock Holmes without Dr. Watson

A Study in Scarlet?  Sans the moderating influence of  Dr. Watson,  the great detective's  debut would have been A Study in Blow, the only mystery at hand being up which of Sherlock's nostrils all the money vanished by the end of each week. 

Even as personified by the loyal and childlike Nigel Bruce, would any other partner have stood by Holmes as faithfully and perpetually without ultimately bludgeoning the ego-tripping Englishman to death with his own pipe, slippers, and violin?

Abbott and Costello without Abbott

 "Costello: Well tell me the fellas' names.

   Costello: Well,  then who's on first?

   Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

   Costello: The guy on first.

   Costello: The first baseman.

   Costello: The guy playing...

   Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first!

   Costello: That's who's name!?

   Costello:  I don't even know what I'm talking about! "

Hey, Abbott!  Ya done good, dude.

The Beatles Without Ringo Starr

John, Paul ,George, and Pete?  Doesn't have the same ring, does it?   Sounds more like the infield for the 1947 Chicago Cubs than the composition of the world's greatest ever musical group.

Aside from his pretty good drumming, Ringo added an important dimension to the Fab Four as a sort of comic Everyman. Here was a more or less goofy-looking but ingratiating schnook riding the express train to immortality who seemed to be just like one of us, only a good bit luckier.

And as it turned out, that's exactly what he was. 

Which brings us back to you, George Harrison.

And Within You Without You, George,  Here Still Would Have Come the Sun but things wouldn't have been anywhere near as all right, My Guitar Would Still Have Wept but never quite so gently, and that Something in the Way She Moves would probably have been gout.

So here’s to the Quiet Beatle.

And to all the Quiet Beatles among us!

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why Do I Do It?

Are these why I  do it?

I’ve been writing this blog now for a little over 1 ½ years and just recently polished off my 90th post.

Why do I do it …. besides the desire to bring a smile to the lips and a song to the heart of my fellow men and women?

Well, there’d better be another reason I do it because frankly I don’t give a crap about a smile to the lips and a song to the heart of my fellow men and women unless that smile to the lips of my fellow man is accompanied by huge handfuls of cash and that song to the heart of my fellow woman means my fellow woman's heart is beating one hell of a lot faster than it was just a few seconds ago without the both of us jogging.

Why do I do it?

Maybe mulling over a few things about myself might help me figure it out:

• I like to write in the nude. 

• However, I prefer to write fully dressed.  I only like to write in the nude when all my clothes are in the wash. And by “like to write it in the nude,” I mean “whaddya gonna do?”

• I believe that I have lived before. But it couldn’t have been that exciting; I don’t remember a thing! 

• I just can’t make up my mind whether it’s possible to Petition the Lord with Prayer.

• All you folks on Twitter:  Please follow @cubbysobe. For my money, the best tweets anywhere on Fractal Geometry and its Ultimate Reconciliation with the Euclidean Paradigm!

• The secret of my humor writing?  The juice of two whole lemons.

• If you ask me, I will come to your house and read some of my humor pieces to you in person. But NO funny business!

•  I'm frequently mistaken for Jewish. 

• To me, the Beatles were the predominant force in music, culture, and all human self-expression of the second half of the 20th Century. They influenced the way we look, act, think, and feel.  Even though I hate Paul McCartney, I would still die for him!

• And Ringo Starr as a former Beatle is to me royalty on the order of William and Kate. Had he not been one of the Beatles I would still readily give him the time of day, but if he wanted it to be accurate, I would charge him something for it.

• Petition the Lord with Prayer ..… Petition the Lord with Prayer….. Petition the ... hmmm…. 

• I’ve often wondered if it will go something like this when they break it to Alex Trebek that it’s time for him to hang it up as host of Jeopardy:

“Uh, Alex, we’re testing a clue for the show here, mind trying it out? It’s TV Hosts for a thousand, and the clue is “He’s boring, over the hill, and outta here.” Oh, there’s the buzzer, you didn’t get it! The answer is “Who is …..”

• Things I Find Highly Overrated: Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, the twitter feed @ShitMyDadSays, bright copper kettles, Tracy Morgan, and warm woolen mittens.

• Wanna slip out and meet me for a drink? Oh, you’re terrible!

• I make a darn good friend.  I'm always there for you when it's not much trouble, and I make it a definite point to pay back relatively promptly any money I’ve managed to guilt you into letting me borrow.

•  I will never in my writing employ cutesy phrases like Best. Movie. Ever. Why? Because they’re Lame. Annoying. And. Douche. Bagging.

• You cannot Petition the Lord with Prayer!  (Nailed it!)  

• I am a big fan of the long-running television program Dr. Who,  but I just don’t understand why they keep changing lead actors? Okay, I get it when you’re forced to make a strategic change once as in switching Darrens on Bewitched.  But 11 friggin’ times!!!?

• I have from time to time voted for principled and ethical Republicans in elections where I felt an individual Republican was the best available choice for the office in question. But I have always thrown up afterwards.

• I brake for animals. But I’d speed up for you.

I hope you found these things about me interesting and provocative --- although I can’t imagine why you would!

I guess it goes to show you  that someone can be both annoyingly self-deprecating and disgustingly self-absorbed at the same time.

Hey, how about that? There you go ….

That's why I do it!

TV Hosts for a thousand,  Alex, and the clue is “Your replacement, loser.”  Oh, there’s the buzzer, you didn’t get it!  The answer is “Who is ….."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meet The Beatles, Mr. Zuckerberg

The new Kindle's on sale, mates, it's off to Target! 

Ever wonder what would have happened if the word's greatest ever band had come face to face with today's social media? What if John, Paul, George, and Ringo suddenly sprang to life as 20-somethings in their heydey in the age of smart phones, hashtags, and "you've got male?" 

Ever pause to ponder that?

No, of course you haven't.    But never you mind, because ... 

Just role up for the Mystery Tour,  step right this way!

Text Man

(to the tune of Taxman)

One, two, three, four
One, two….

Let me tell you how it will be.
I’m texting you, you’re texting me.

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeah, the Text Man!

Should money spent appear too small. 
Get going, you can text them all!

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeah, yeah, the Text Man!

If you hit a bar, text the barkeep,
If you take a trip, text Uncle Pete,
If you’re Michael Phelps, text swimming meet,
If you take a walk, yeah, text your feet!

Text Man!

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeah, the Text Man!

You like texting by the score. (Ah hah, get your bill soon.)
Keep texting, you could still pay more. (Ah hah, texting’s sweet!)

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeeeah, the Text Man!

Now my advice for those who die.
Text Man!
Just keep on texting from the sky.
Text Man!

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeah, The Text Man!

And you’re working for nothing but texting!
Text Man!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blackberry Ringing

(to the tune of Blackbird) 

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things, watch e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Not hard to theorize, it’s plain to see.

All your life.
Forever you’ll be waiting for a moment to be free.

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night through the dark black night.

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night ‘til the broad daylight.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things and e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are only sated when an e-mail does arrive.
With this gadget you are mated in an e-mail paradise. 

You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive.

~~~~~~~~~~~

You Won't Friend Me

(to the tune of You Won't See Me)

When I call you up,

Your line's engaged.

I have had enough,

So I hit your Facebook page!

I send you a request,

You act like I’m Pete Best.

And I just cannot rest,

If you won't friend me,

You won't friend me.

You won't friend me,

You won't friend me!

I don't know ..... why you 

Should only want to share

Some profile info with everyone,

Even your likes aren’t posted there!

I've so much to post,

Don’t make me give up the ghost!

I won’t go psycho like Glen Close.

And you won't friend me,

You won't friend me.

You won't friend me,
You won't friend me!

Time after time,

You leave my friend request unspoken.
I wouldn't mind

If I knew what I weren’t pokin'.

Though my Facebook friends are few,
They're filled with tears.

My friend request to you

Been's gathering dust for years!

Yes, I tell you, sister,

I’m getting all kinds of bitter,

And I’ll just hop on over to Twitter,

If you won't friend me,

You won't friend me!

You won't friend me,

You won't friend me!

Oooohhhh!  La, la, la!
Oooohhhh!  La, la, la!

Oooohhhh!  La, la, la!
Oooohhhh!  La, la, la!  (and fade out ...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed this lazed-out excursion into the realm of unmitigated blog filler.

And I’d like to say thank you on behalf of the group and myself, and I hope we passed the audition ...

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