Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Twenty More Things to Stop Saying at Work

It's getting harder and harder 
to get a good afternoon's sleep here!

Came across an article on the internet recently called Ten Things to Stop Saying at Work which dispensed ten verbal utterances which if spoken at work could kill a business career faster than taking social media lessons from Anthony Weiner.

It was kind of a helpful article and all the phrases illustrated indeed seemed right on point: "I can't do that," "I'm so bored here," and "who the fuck do you think I am? James Franco?" all display a major lack of motivation that is sure to one day get you motivated right out the door. 

But there was much missing from the article.  As someone who has spent a number of marginally successful years in the business world, I have compiled a list of a number of additional things that you should immediately stop saying at work, primarily through having said them all.

So, folks, if you aspire to climb the corporate ladder, assuming you don't have fear of heights like I do, here then are Twenty More Things to Stop Saying at Work:

Twenty More Things to Stop Saying at Work

1)  It's getting harder and harder to get a good afternoon's sleep in this place.

2)  The company Smoke Free Policy doesn't also include weed, does it? 

3)  You know, I think we could use a union around here.

4)  Deodorant? I can't believe anybody wastes money on deodorant.

5)  Best part of my day?  Spitting in the office coffee pot every morning.

6)  Doesn't the boss look like an idiot with that stupid toupee?  It's not?!!

7)  My resume? Ha, it ought to win the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction!

8)  So I went into the men's room, thrust my foot into the next stall, and nothing happened!

9)  Y'know, I could look at cats on Facebook all day long.

10) Going out to lunch, see you tomorrow!

11) Of course "alot" is a word!  What kind of moron would break it into two words?

12) Let's get together sometime and compare criminal records.
13) I never could resist patting women in the office on the tushie.

14) I won't be in tomorrow, boss, got a big meeting with our competitors.

15) ISIS: they just make good sense. 

16) Sorry I didn't get the project done, once you get started watching that Scandinavian pornography .... 

17) I never realized our company had so many Jews.

18) Want some bourbon? 

19) Gotta get home, don't want to miss that Jerry Springer!

20) I'm the NRA.



Anonymous said...

It's getting harder and harder to find a job...they refuse to let me work the hours I want.

RozWarren said...

HA! My favorite is #5.

Perry Block said...

I've got to remember never to bum any coffee from you in the library!

Perry Block said...

Yes, "I'll be in tomorrow at 11:00. Oh, no particular reason ..." just missed the top twenty.

Russell said...

This is without a doubt, your greatest post of all-time. You should submit this to one of those high-profile eMagazine. I'm not kidding. Go for it. This is high quality work!

Perry Block said...

Aw shucks! It weren't nothin'.