Identical Douchebags

 Scaramucci and Trump couldn't be more alike

 if Trump had cloned him.

Identical Douchebags

(inspired by "Identical Cousins" from "The Patty Duke Show")

Meet Donald who’s lied about everything,
From Russian meddling to the size of his ding!
But Tony’s gonna raise the sights,
Their lies will reach Himalayan heights! 
Two crazies from the right wing!

But they’re douchebags!
Identical douchebags all the way.
One pair of matching assholes,
Though Tony's a generation away.

Where Donald adores stiffing friends,
Tweeting lies and grabbing women’s ends,
Our Tony loves to kiss his ass,
His hot dog too if that’s not too crass!
What a pair of bookends!

Still they’re douchebags!
Identical douchebags, and you’ll find
They lie alike, decry alike, betray us high and dry alike,
You could lose your mind! (which they want)
When douchebags
Are two of a kind!


 ... or so it seems to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you, Patty Duke.

1946-2016

Blackberry Ringing (FF)

FF- Friday Fictioneers

copyright - Roger Bultot

Blackberry Ringing

(to the tune of Blackbird) 

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things, watch e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Not hard to theorize, it’s plain to see.

All your life.
Forever you’ll be waiting for a moment to be free. 

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night through the dark black night.

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night ‘til the broad daylight.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things and e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are only sated when an e-mail does arrive. 
With this gadget you are mated in an e-mail paradise. 

You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

I realize that "Blackerry Ringing" is a bit dated these days,  but iPhone ringing simply doesn't cut it.  Anyway, I always wondered what would have happened were the always ahead-of-their-time Beatles ever to have come face to face with modern technology and social media. 

This is one example; there's a couple more from the very early days of this blog in Meet the Beatles, Mr. Zuckerberg. Perhaps you have a few more ideas? In the meanwhile here are the ideas of the many other Friday Fictioneers regarding the picture prompt above.

Maybe I'll do a few more of these when I'm 64.  Ooops, already missed that!

Identical Pontiffs

It's now been over three months since the Catholic Church has officially had two popes with Pope Benedict  stepping down while Pope Francis has stepped up.  Although only one holds authority over the Holy See, for all intents and purposes we've now got two, two, two popes in one! to paraphrase a well-known breath mint/candy mint commercial from long ago. 

TV producers have predictably lost no time in exploiting this turn of events to  develop a sitcom based on the dual pope premise. Although the program's name is not decided --- candidates include The Odd Prelates, Two and a Half Popes Minus a Half, and Two Broke Popes  --- the theme song is already fixed. 

And, I might add, well familiar to many Baby Boomers ... 

Identical Pontiffs

Meet Benny who's reigned most everywhere 
From Avignon to St. Peter's Square. 

But Franny's only seen the sights 
A guy can see from Argentine heights ---

What a pastoral pair!

But they're pontiffs, 
Identical pontiffs all the way. 

One pair of matching prelates, 
 Different as clergy and lay.

Where Benny adores a baguette, 
Worldly trappings and anisette. 
Our Franny wants to feed the soul, 
Austerity makes him lose control ---
Augustinian and Jesuit!

Still they're pontiffs!
Identical pontiffs and you'll find
They walk alike, they talk alike,
At birth control, they balk alike ---
You can lose you mind!
When pontiffs are two of a kind!

Here's hoping the new show will be a big hit and run for many, many successful years! 

Just like Seinfeld.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you liked this post you might also like The Pope's Tweets,  That President!, and Meet the Beatles, Mr. Zuckerberg. 

If you hated this post, I'm afraid there's precious little in heaven or earth either of the two popes can do to help you.  And don't expect me to lift a bejeweled finger for you either!

MySpace.com

.... You Know It Is!

Justin Timberlake is at it again!

Taking on the impossible once more,  just like when he convinced the luminous Mila Kunis (clever phrasing, that!) to accept a date with a Marine who'd asked her out via YouTube,  J.T. has now promised to recall to life the late but hardly lamented social networking site known as MySpace.com.

It's the most daunting task faced by any human being since a special exploratory commission was appointed to search for a joke in Tracy Morgan's stand-up material!

Can he succeed? Well, no less a  personage than the greatest entertainer of the 20th Century thinks so!

Ladies and gentleman,  Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute is so very proud to present the one and only Chairman of the Board,

MR. FRANCIS ALBERT SINATRA!

MySpace.com 
to the tune of
My Kind of Town

Now this could only happen with a guy like JT,
To resurrect a dead dot com like this!
So if you hate the Facebook, thank him most gratefully,
As he gives MySpace.com a brand new bris:

This is ....

My Space.com, you know it is!
My Space.com, you know it is!

My kind of people too.
Justin and Mila who
They beckon you!

And each time I e-roam, MySpace.com!
It's callin' me home, MySpace.com!

It's like playin' a Madden '12 CD-rom.
It's MySpace.com!

Oh, every bit of it is ....

My Space.com, you know it is!
My Space.com, you know it is!

My kind of razzmatazz,
And it has
That Timberlake pizazz!

And I'll never again leave, MySpace.com!  
It's tuggin' at my sleeve,  MySpace.com!

Don't go bein' a dumb schnook,   MySpace. com!
C'mon just shout out:

 "F*ck Facebook!" 

 MySpace.com!

One dot com for Dick, Harry, and Tom!
It’s My --- all of it is MY --- MySpace.com!!

Let’s all go!  Let’s all go!

Let's all go! 

 MYSPACE.COM!

Let's all go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry about wimping out on the "Fuck Facebook," folks ...

Meet The Beatles, Mr. Zuckerberg

The new Kindle's on sale, mates, it's off to Target! 

Ever wonder what would have happened if the word's greatest ever band had come face to face with today's social media? What if John, Paul, George, and Ringo suddenly sprang to life as 20-somethings in their heydey in the age of smart phones, hashtags, and "you've got male?" 

Ever pause to ponder that?

No, of course you haven't.    But never you mind, because ... 

Just role up for the Mystery Tour,  step right this way!

Text Man

(to the tune of Taxman)

One, two, three, four
One, two….

Let me tell you how it will be.
I’m texting you, you’re texting me.

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeah, the Text Man!

Should money spent appear too small. 
Get going, you can text them all!

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeah, yeah, the Text Man!

If you hit a bar, text the barkeep,
If you take a trip, text Uncle Pete,
If you’re Michael Phelps, text swimming meet,
If you take a walk, yeah, text your feet!

Text Man!

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeah, the Text Man!

You like texting by the score. (Ah hah, get your bill soon.)
Keep texting, you could still pay more. (Ah hah, texting’s sweet!)

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeeeah, the Text Man!

Now my advice for those who die.
Text Man!
Just keep on texting from the sky.
Text Man!

Cause you’re the Text Man.
Yeah, The Text Man!

And you’re working for nothing but texting!
Text Man!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blackberry Ringing

(to the tune of Blackbird) 

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things, watch e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Not hard to theorize, it’s plain to see.

All your life.
Forever you’ll be waiting for a moment to be free.

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night through the dark black night.

Blackberry fine! Blackberry mine!
Ringing all night ‘til the broad daylight.

Blackberry ringing in the dead of night.
Take these smokin’ things and e-mails fly!

All your life.
You are only sated when an e-mail does arrive.
With this gadget you are mated in an e-mail paradise. 

You are always waiting for an e-mail to arrive.

~~~~~~~~~~~

You Won't Friend Me

(to the tune of You Won't See Me)

When I call you up,

Your line's engaged.

I have had enough,

So I hit your Facebook page!

I send you a request,

You act like I’m Pete Best.

And I just cannot rest,

If you won't friend me,

You won't friend me.

You won't friend me,

You won't friend me!

I don't know ..... why you 

Should only want to share

Some profile info with everyone,

Even your likes aren’t posted there!

I've so much to post,

Don’t make me give up the ghost!

I won’t go psycho like Glen Close.

And you won't friend me,

You won't friend me.

You won't friend me,
You won't friend me!

Time after time,

You leave my friend request unspoken.
I wouldn't mind

If I knew what I weren’t pokin'.

Though my Facebook friends are few,
They're filled with tears.

My friend request to you

Been's gathering dust for years!

Yes, I tell you, sister,

I’m getting all kinds of bitter,

And I’ll just hop on over to Twitter,

If you won't friend me,

You won't friend me!

You won't friend me,

You won't friend me!

Oooohhhh!  La, la, la!
Oooohhhh!  La, la, la!

Oooohhhh!  La, la, la!
Oooohhhh!  La, la, la!  (and fade out ...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed this lazed-out excursion into the realm of unmitigated blog filler.

And I’d like to say thank you on behalf of the group and myself, and I hope we passed the audition ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Song is Born! And has a Bris!

(To the tune of Kids from Bye-Bye Birdie)

YIDS!!!
I don’t know what’s wrong with we YIDS today!

YIDS!!!
Seems we’re more meshuggeh in every way! 

YIDS!!!
We’re the funny, crazy, wacky chosen folk!
Lawyers, doctors, all kindsa TV shlocksters!

YIDS!!!
Now listen to me, boychick!

YIDS!!!
Peter Falk, Jonas Salk are YIDS, it’s true!


YIDS!!!
And sometimes even Bob Dylan too!  


We'll never be like they are.
 Eatin' mayo each and every day!


 What's the matter with YIDs to-day?

YIDS!!!

Oh, we love catching rays in the summer sun!

YIDS!!!

And playing “Guess who’s Jewish” is always fun!

YIDS!!!
We’re the few in number members of the Tribe.
Kvetching, whining, Passover-reclining Hebrews!

YIDS!!!
Now, listen to me, boychick!


YIDS!!! YIDS!!
Our guilt’s just impossible to control!


YIDS!!!
Cause its primal source is that Torah Scroll!


We’ll never be like they are.
Using power tools every day!


What’s the matter with YIDS?
A bit fakakta but that’s all it is!

There’s nothing the matter with YIDS today! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~