“Perry? Perry Block?”
“Who’s that?”
“It’s me, your favorite President, Donald J. Trump.”
“Yes, Trump?”
“You can call me ‘Donald.’”
“Yes, Trump?”
“I notice you subscribe to a lot of subversive, crazy, lunatic far-left commentators on Substack.”
“That’s impressive.”
“How’s that?”
“That you know a three-syllable word like subversive and a four-syllable word like commentator.”
“Do you read all those lunatic left-wing nut jobs?”
“Nah. I barely have time for that.”
“Why don’t you unsubscribe from them?”
“Because I’m afraid that if I unsubscribe from even one of them somewhere, sometime, somehow... you might be smiling.”
“Why don’t you try it?”
“Okay, Trump. Right now I’m unsubscribing from Robert Reich, Paul Krugman, Jim Acosta, The Contrarian, Joyce Vance, J Street, IfNotNow, Heather Cox Richardson, Zeteo, The Intercept, Mehdi Hasan, Brad Lander, The New Republic, the ACLU, the Delco Democrats, Gabby Giffords, Haaretz, The New York Times, AOC, Jon Ossoff, Andy Borowitz, and any number of less famous people on Substack, Facebook, and Instagram who despise you as much as I do.”
“Don’t you want to know if I’m smiling now?”
“No. Because no matter what you answer, you’ll be lying. Just like you do about everything else.”
“Okay, but I am smiling!”
“Why is that?”
“Because I got you to unsubscribe from all those nut jobs! Ha, ha, ha!”
“No, you didn’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“That’s not even half of them.”
“What?!!”
“And the other half? I read every fucking last word and act accordingly.”
“Now I am frowning.”
“Good. Just like you’ll be frowning when you’re in jail, Trump... where you belong.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
