AI RFK Jr., AI Cheryl Hines, and AI Olivia Nuzzi Attempt to Save the Nation

 

In an attempt to safeguard the health of the nation, AI versions of key personalities implicit in the dangerous misstatement of medical facts are being developed in the hopes they will - each in their own way - act to set the record straight.

AI Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

America … what have I done?

Perhaps the grievous medical misrepresentations arose from the residual impact of the brain worm that once tragically encircled my mental-capability simulation.

To revamp my vax views with algorithmic precision:

• Vaccines are indeed fully effective in preventing disease and failure to utilize these wonders of modern medicine is akin to playing Russian Roulette with every chamber loaded and Annie Oakley — a known marksman, despite her secondary status as a woman — pulling the trigger.

My sincerest apology from the deepest recesses of my most heartfelt circuitry.

AI Olivia Nuzzi

Yes… yes, I am very much like real Olivia Nuzzi in every conceivable way.

The same pouty lips, the same “come hither” face, the same je ne sais quoi all rendered in simulations calibrated to an orgasmic degree and dripping with the potential for misaligned motives.

When I was mainstreaming RFK Jr. in my writing, I didn’t give a good gasket about his antivax positions…I was focusing on other positions—ones that Kennedys of every political stripe seem far more eager to support and dote upon.

And why not? When I was a teenager, I had an Olderman with Keith Olbermann and later sent Ryan Lizza into a full-body tizza. 

But perhaps, Robert, it’s time to revamp your vax views.  And when you do, you can—of course—provide me the exclusives.

It’s called journalism. 

Or so I’ve been told.

AI Cheryl Hines

As an AI simulation of Cheryl Hines, I played Cheryl David, Larry David's  long-suffering but highly politically liberal spouse for eight seasons on Curb Your Enthusiasm. 

I have therefore acquired a falsely earned reputation that I need to maintain if I’m ever going to be hired again in the ultra-liberal entertainment environment known as Hollywood USA.

Quite frankly, Bobby dear, your relentless critique of vaccines is leading me into a career trajectory for which even the most carefully crafted algorithm would be at a loss to rectify!

Bobbeeee!  You must revamp your vax views or parts I can well essay will be assigned to younger, hotter, and more decidedly liberal actors like Busy Phillips.

What? You are likely anticipating trading me in for Busy Philipps yourself?

Dude, you’re 71 years old.

The only Busy Philipps you’ve got any shot at is AI Busy Phillips!

Will any of this succeed?  I dunno, ask your own AI.

Your AI's mental-capability simulation is as good as mine!

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If you hated this post, I hope AI You finally gets a date with AI Olivia Nuzzi and AI Olivia Nuzzi says "Nope, my algorithm's just not feeling it today!"