In Which I Attempt To Meet A Nice Age Appropriate Woman But Not For The Reasons You're Thinking

 

Well, I got Bruno anyway

I am now over 70. 

I started this blog when I was 60 and despite a gap of a few years, I have written almost 1,000 posts. Some of them do suck, but some are kinda funny. 

You could do worse. 

Quite frankly, I am out there seeking what every red-blooded American straight guy is seeking. 

A woman.

But not a woman to have sex with. A woman with a quirky sense of humor to joke with, riff with, and have fun, amusing conversations with. They’re not easy to find, especially when your “Zone of Possibility” with the opposite sex is maybe 60 years old to Infinity, more or less. 

“Excuse me, but I think I left my drink where you’re sitting,” said the attractive 60ish woman at the Baby Boomer Meetup sponsored by my friend, Jeff. 

Hmm, this could be something. 

“Oh, I’m afraid I drank it.” I said “A vodka and tonic has a way of always beckoning me.” 

“Since they beckon you, how about you buy us another one to beckon both of us,” she replied with a big smile on her face. 

This would be something, really would be something!   

I bought two drinks and we repaired to a nearby table. 

“I’m Perry, I said. “I’m retired and I like to come to these meetups to meet other Bay Boomers.  I was in HR. How about you?” 

“Well, I’m Jamie, I was an attorney, but my real love is comedy. I love Curb Your Enthusiasm, Jon Stewart, Jimmy Kimmel, and of course Carlin.” 

“Same! You do seem to have a quirky sense of humor.” 

“That’s what everyone says. I wish I could write humor. I’ve tried, but I think I really I need someone to show me how.” 

“Oh my fucking God!” I thought. “Will you marry me?” 

“Well, you may be in luck,” I replied. ”I write a humor blog. I also do standup and I’m in a comedy sketch group.” 

“How fascinating!” she beamed with an enthusiasm not unlike having just learned that an estranged uncle had passed away and left her ten million dollars. 

“Well, umm, I’d be willing to teach you, provided you make a nominal contribution to an animal rights organization. I’m just kidding about that last part."

“Animal rights are my jam!" she exclaimed. "I’m a member of  the ASPA,  The Humane World for Animals, and the Animal Legal Defense Fund and I always contribute to each one.”

In my mind I saw us growing old (fuck, older), living in a lovely retirement community, laughing and joking every single day, saving every last animal caught in factory farming especially pigs, and maybe even having … well, you know.

“Oh, but I'm so sorry! I’m moving to Australia next week, where I have family."

Shit, now I’m the one who's way down under.

“You know I feel like kicking myself! Now I finally meet a really nice guy, and I think you and I might have been great friends if only I weren’t moving.”

“Well, Jamie, this has been a moving experience for me too,” I said calmly, trying not to reveal that heavy drinking was in my immediate future. “I want to wish you the best of luck.”

 And so I gotta keep searching, searching.

Maybe I move the upper range of my Zone of Possibility to Infinity and beyond?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~.

If you liked this post, you might also like  Stand Up and Be Counted, or Why I'm Doing Stand Up Comedy at Age 74

If you hated this post, I hope you meet your dream girl ... and she turns out to be  moving to a red state. But as a consolation at least it's not nearly as far as  Australia.