The Ten Commandments
User Friendly Edition
1) It’s a Good Idea To Have No Gods Other Than Me.
As far as I’m concerned, You da Man! But if others have a thing for Allah, or Vishnu, or even Zeus, I’m sure that’s okay with you too.
2) Think Twice Before Making a Graven Image.
This one is old hat. Follow it too strictly and a little thing known as the Renaissance never would have happened.
3) Think Twice Before Taking the Lord’s Name in Vain.
If you can, say “Gosh darn it” instead of the other thing. Unless you bump your head really hard or you’re in a comedy club — then anything goes.
4) It’s a Good Idea To Remember the Sabbath Day and Keep It Holy.
Religious services are fine, but even better is doing something nice for someone on whatever day you hold special. That’s truly keeping it holy!
5) It’s a Good Idea To Honor Your Father and Your Mother.
Yep, call your mother and father every day. This might not be absolute, though, if your mother is, say, Joan Crawford. Then maybe use some discretion.
6) Think Twice Before Committing Adultery.
Probably not a good idea — but I’m pretty sure Sandra was flirting with me at the last PTA meeting.
7) Thou Shalt Not Kill Anybody.
Yep, no change here.
8) Thou Shalt Not Steal.
Same.
9) Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness.
The trifecta. Except maybe in certain circumstances a “white” false witness may be okay.
10) Think Twice Before Coveting Thy Neighbor’s Wife.
Yep, it’s not a good idea to covet your neighbor’s wife. But Sandra lives on the next block, so that's probably okay.
Now I’m off to edit Crime and Punishment.
Working title: “Crime and Time Out.”
Yeah — I thought that one was a bit severe too.
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