As many know, the greatest two superheroes of all time, Superman and Batman, were created by Jews. Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel created Superman and Bob Kane and Bill Finger did the same for Batman (Although Bob Kane unfairly excluded Bill Finger from credit, which thankfully was finally recently corrected.)
But I'm no slouch.
Meet America's newest superhero, who is also destined for iconic status:
Meet Tsuris Man!
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"Look, Master Sterling, up in the sky! The Bubkes Signal!"
"Thank you, Alfred!" says wealthy industrialist Kirk Sterling, whom nobody ever even suspects is Jewish.
"Sir, I hope you will know your limits."
Tsuris Man smiles at the thought that he now has a second Jewish mother, and heads for the Bubkes Mobile.
"Tsuris Man, we've received word that the Joker has broken into the Acme AI Factory!" Commissioner Gordon shouts over the Bubkes Communicator. "Some guy named Perry Block has also been taken hostage."
"I'm there, Jim," says Tsuris Man. "If the Joker is exposed to AI flattering him and telling him how brilliant he is, there'll be no stopping him!"
Within minutes, Tsuris Man arrives at the Acme AI Factory, scales the side of the building to where the company Development Center is housed, and leaps through the window.
"Tsuris Man, thank God!" I exclaim. "Which is really something, because God isn't always so terrific to the Jewish people."
"Tsuris Man, you can't stop me!" snarls the Joker. "Right now I've got the latest update of Chat GPT in my hands and when it super builds up my ego, I will conquer the world!"
"Oh yeah, Joker? Have you called your mother this week?"
"Uh, no ... I haven't."
"That's terrible! You know she won't be there forever."
"I know, I know, you're right. I'll call her tomorrow."
"Make it today, Joker! Say, have you been eating? You look frightfully thin."
"No, I haven't. It's the stress of being a criminal."
"It doesn't have to be this way, Joker."
"You're right, Tsuris Man. I've been feeling sorry for myself ever since I fell into that vat of chemicals."
"It's more than time you got over that. You could yet become a dentist or podiatrist, or even a rabbi like Rabbi Debbie King."
"You can arrest me now, Tsuris Man. I'm ready to face justice."
"Now please release Mr. Block."
"I thought I could ransom him but I feel guilty about it now. Besides I couldn't find any takers."
As Tsuris Man leads the Joker away, I have the opportunity to speak to him.
"Thank you, Tsuris Man!" I gushed. "May I ask you one thing."
"Of course."
"Is it true you are actually wealthy industrialist Kirk Sterling?"
No, I'm ... uhhh ... err ...Sam Altman."
"I should have known you were actually Jewish!"
With that, Tsuris Man, with the Joker in tow, disappears into the night.
I could only think: Tsuris Man - He's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero ... He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector,
A Dark Mensch!
Also he's a mohel.
If you liked this post, you may also like If Batman Had a Jewish Mother, or My Son, the Dark Knight.
If you hated this post, I hope Tsuris Man makes you feel so guilty you leave all your money to me! Which isn't a bad thing in its own right.
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