As the scene opens, high above Gotham City, the Bat Signal cuts through the evening sky.
Mrs. Wayne: Bruce ... Bruce?
Bruce: Yes, Mom.
Mrs. Wayne: Come see what I made special for you.
Bruce: Matzoh Ball Soup! Thanks, Mom.
Mrs. Wayne: You're welcome, darling. You're looking frightfully thin, Bruce, have another matzoh ball. Light as a feather, aren't they?
Bruce: Mom! Look outside! In the sky!
Mrs. Wayne: I don't see anything. Here I'll close the drapes so you won't be bothered ....
Bruce: No, no! It's the Bat Signal. I must switch to my alter ego, the Batman!
Mrs. Wayne: Now, darling, you know you have to wait 45 minutes after eating before you change into Batman. Even longer if you're going to have to swim as Batman!
Bruce: I can't wait for that, Mom. Gotham City needs Batman!
Mrs. Wayne: Gotham City needs to kiss my tuchas! And I expect you home by 12:00 sharp or you're grounded!
Bruce: Aww, Mom! I can't promise that.
Mrs. Wayne: Then I'm coming with you. Somebody's got to keep Mr. Dark Knight out of mischief!
Off into the night roars Batman's supercharged vehicle across the Bat Cave waterfall and towards Gotham City.
Mrs. Wayne: Bruce, Bruce, slow down for crying out loud! You'll give your mother a heart attack!
Batman: But, Mom, Commissioner Gordon is counting on me.
Mrs. Wayne: Counting, schmounting! He put a coat around you one night, you weren't even cold and I wasn't even dead! Say, darling, did you remember to bring your inhaler?
Batman: Oh, shit! I did forget it. Well, we're not going back for it now!
Mrs. Wayne: Suit yourself, bubbeleh! And watch your mouth.
Batman: Sorry! That reminds me, Mom, when I'm dressed up like this, please remember to call me Batman! You screwed up twice last week and called me Bruce right in front of Jim Gordon.
Mrs. Wayne: You think he doesn't know who you are, Mr. Big Shot? You think he doesn't have a brain? That husky voice wouldn't fool a four year old sitting in Santa's Lap.
Leaping from a tall building, Batman glides down to confront the Joker.
Batman: Hand me the detonator, Joker. I'm going to stop you from destroying Gotham City!
Joker: But destroying Gotham City is my hobby, Batman. What do you want me to do, take up Mah Jong?
Mrs. Wayne: Did I hear my favorite hobby mentioned?
Joker: Who are you?
Mrs. Wayne: I'm Bruce's Mom.
Batman: No, you're Batman's Mom! Batman's Mom!
Mrs. Wayne: Sure, darling. Mr. Joker, look at you! This is how you come to destroy the city? You look like Flo from Progressive.
Joker: How should I look, Mrs. Batman?
Mrs. Wayne: Go home, wash your face, put on a nice suit, and then turn yourself in to Commissioner Gordon.
Joker: I will! Thank you, Mrs. Batman. If I'd had a mom like you, I'd be a successful dentist by now.
The Joker departs.
Mrs. Wayne: All done! And it isn't even 9:00 P.M. yet.
Batman: I have to admit you're right, Mom. But I have a question.
Mrs. Wayne: Yes, Bruce? I mean, Batman.
Batman: Is there any more soup?
Mrs. Wayne: Of course, darling! Nothings too good for my boy who just single-handedly saved Gotham City from the Joker!