Monday, August 14, 2023

The Three Reasons Why Aliens from Space, Having Long Landed on Earth, Do Not Dare Contact Us


Hail, Zontar!

This is an official record of  Earth Exhibition I reported on this Earth Day August 15, 2023.

As the High Council knows, prior to our arrival we carefully and exhaustively studied the science of Planet Earth by monitoring  video broadcasts emanating from Earth during the years known as the 1950s and since our arrival our continual viewing of those transmissions has confirmed the tragic fact that our science cannot begin to match the science of Earth. 

And Earth's science continues to be most thoroughly manifested by the Three Great Earth Masters!

Think on it, Zontar!  

Master Moe can strike Master Curly over Master Curly's head with the high tensile implement of human endeavor known as a "crowbar" without causing Master Curly's brain matter to be splattered hither and yon about the nearby environment and Master Curly to sacrifice his life force.

 Indeed Master Curly survives unscathed!

 Yet another matter: if one of the Three Masters intones the words  "pick out two" and then takes the two chosen "fingers" of one "hand" of the human physiology and projects them into the other Master's two organs of visual acuity, the other Master's visual acuity is not lost or even diminished! 

And Master Curly! What is the meaning of the advanced aural sounding he renders, as recorded here? And how is it possible for him to morph over time from Master Curly into a wholly different physical lifeform known ever after as ...  Master Shemp? 

No, we cannot contact the earth creatures!  If they ever beheld us in all our pathetic awkwardness, they would no doubt attack us and probably annihilate usFor now we shall fly about Earth while we attempt to learn their science and hope we're not spotted.

I almost forgot the most incredible thing of all: Master Larry has unfathomable "hair" that stands straight upward from his cranial covering in total contravention of the Earth force known as gravity! 

How is it possible, Zontar?

No doubt about it, we of the Planet Krill are the slapstick laughing stocks of the universe.



Ilil said...

Now that explains it so well! I often wonder why they are not keeping in touch. Poor things... imagine if they saw Star Wars and see Luke what's his name pull out a giant spaceship out of the water with his mind alone...

Perry Block said...

Having traveled untold light years to come here, whatever Luke Skywalker and the other Jedis could master would come as no surprise. But the superhuman abilities to withstand hard steel slammed across the cranium and walk away unscathed would render any civilization in the universe aghast and terrified.