Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Trump Fires Mueller for Poor Performance

President Donald J. Trump today fired Special Counsel Robert Mueller, the man charged with leading the investigation into the possible collusion of Trump and members of his administration with Russia, for poor performance.

"It has long been my practice," explained Mr. Trump "to complete a performance evaluation for every new federal employee at 27 days of employment.  Mr. Mueller's review was a total disaster, so I had no choice but to terminate him."

"Look at these ratings:  'Has Small Hands'  -  Below Expectations; 'Lies on Command' - Below Expectations; 'Takes Direction from Narcissists' Below Expectations, and on and on and on! 

"You want to see an amazing performance evaluation?  Ben Carson received all Exceeds Expectations,  including for 'Broadly Criticizes Mission of Department He or She Heads.'"

President Trump conceded that Mr. Mueller had performed well in one criterion on his performance evaluation. "True," said Mr. Trump, "Mr. Mueller did receive an Exceeds Expectations at 'Aggressively Pursues Investigation into Trump's Shameless Collusion with Putin.'"

"But one good rating, I'm afraid, just can't counterbalance all the other poor ones."



Russell Gayer said...

Sounds like he only did well on one out of five. Not a great ratio. Still, it's radically above the performance of my submissions to magazines and journals for publication.

If I could only write in Russian . . .

Perry Block said...

Trump's as likely to be able to read that as he can read English. Meantime poor Mueller! He was our last great hope. According to Trump, he's just a Mueller Fucker!