Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Trump Taps Clouseau to Lead FBI




Only one day after his surprise firing of James Comey as head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), President Donald Trump has already announced his pick for Mr. Comey's replacement as Director of the nation’s foremost domestic law enforcement agency.

"I am very pleased to announce today," said Mr. Trump at a special Rose Garden ceremony, "that after a bigly search I have selected as the new head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation Inspector Jacques Clouseau, formerly of the French Surete. We are indeed fortunate to have secured the services of such a renowned law enforcement officer."

Inspector Clouseau is indeed well known throughout investigational circles for his unique brand of ineptitude and incompetence. His official biography (on Wikipedia) lists his many achievements in law enforcement as falling down stairs, getting his hand caught in a medieval knight's gauntlet and a vase, knocking a witness senseless, destroying a priceless piano, and accidentally shooting another officer.   

"Inspector Clouseau is just the man we need to lead the FBI into a new era of compliance and cooperation with the White House,” commented Mr. Trump “and to follow up fully and aggressively on the phony investigation into the non-existent ties between Russia and the Trump campaign, which is a total hoax, and take it wherever it goes, namely to the ash heap.” 

Inspector Mr. Clouseau was notably absent for the Rose Garden ceremony which was not unexpected since he is a fictional character.  Unaware of this fact at the time he selected Inspector Clouseau, Mr. Trump has since been fully briefed on the subject by Eric Trump, his dumbest male child. 

"So much the better,” the President was reported to have said, according to the Washington Post.

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7 comments:

Tracey Delaplain said...

I nominated Gracie Freebush from "Miss Congeniality".

Perry Block said...

Is that her name in the movie? I've always wanted to go out with a woman named Gracie Freebush as long as she doesn't look like a Gracie Freebush. Just my luck I wound up with a woman named Gracie Freebush who looks like a Gracie Freebush.

Russell said...

Oh Perry, you're always looking for some free bush.

Russell said...

This must be a real crushing blow to Boris Badenov. Putin told him he had the job sewn up and that Natasha would get the Deputy Director job too.

You just can't trust that backstabbing Trump.

Perry Block said...

You sure can't! You think Trump's going to stab you in the back and he stabs you in the front. You think he's going to lie to your face and he lies to your tuchas! Now about that bush ....

Kathy Minicozzi said...

I'm surprised he never thought of offering the job to Vito Corleone. If anyone knows how the FBI works, it's him!

Perry Block said...

I understand he made Vito an offer. He refused.