Trump University of
Fake History
Course Guide
Course Guide
Why study fake history?
Anybody can study actual history if
they want to spend time reading! But what’s the point of staring at all those dizzying words if the best you can do for yourself is wind up some loser who knows that the dude buried in Grant's tomb has an unpronounceable first name starting with "U?"
I’m rich, folks! I’m really
rich! And I think the dude buried in Grant’s Tomb is Cary! So what have you got to lose?
All the professors at Trump University of Fake History are hand-picked by me. Some female professors are also hand-pulled by me.
Our course offerings for fall 2017 are as follows:
All the professors at Trump University of Fake History are hand-picked by me. Some female professors are also hand-pulled by me.
Our course offerings for fall 2017 are as follows:
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Russia: Terrific Country, Terrific Bunch of People
Instructors: Dr. Carter Page and Dr. Sergey Kislyak.
Take a tremendous tour of a nation that's twice as large as the USA and filled
from sea to landlocked land mass with a great bunch of people, amazing people! Give a huge hello to Boris Godunov, named for a character from the old Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, saddle up with Catherine the
Great, and meet Czars and Czarinas who couldn't be keener. Serf's up,
folks, this course puts the Putin in Rasputin!
A History of the Jews
Instructor: Jared Kushner (taught in mime)
The First Crusade
Instructor: General Michael Flynn
The original and the still the
greatest. When Pope Urban called upon Christians to
retake the Holy Land for purposes of Urban Renewal, Crusaders converged upon Jerusalem and applied for visas. But the Muslims' vetting
process was a joke - a total disaster - and Crusaders poured into the country and moved the Israeli embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.
The
American Civil Rights Movement
Instructor: Alexander T. Wentworth
III
For almost 100 years since the
founding of the United States it was legal in the nation for one man to own
another man. Thanks to former President Andrew Jackson who lived to be 94
years old, it still is. Could there be an American Civil Rights movement in our future? Guest
lecturers include Dr. Ben Carson, a number of very worried white guys, and
Frederick Douglass, who is now 199 years old.
Legacy
of the American Revolution
Instructor: Eric "Doris Kearns Goodwin" Trump
You know the names:
Jefferson, Hamilton, Franklin, and Adams --- traitors all! Thank God they were each hanged and proper autocratic rule restored by King George the … the ... some Roman numeral or other! And it’s a good thing Nathan Hale only had one
life to lose for his country because 9 or 10 of them could have fucked up everything.
The
Wonderful World of Shakespeare
Instructor: Hamlet Queeg
“Ahh, but the
strawberries that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made
jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with geometric logic that a
duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist and …”
Not certain that’s
Shakespeare, but it sounds like somebody I know.
Pinup Strongmen of World War II
Instructor: V. Putin
Aside from the Holocaust and the
brutal starvation and deaths of countless millions throughout the world, WW II wasn’t all bad. Wartime featured an amazing array of powerful strutting strong
men who ruled with an iron fist and took no shit. Imagine
them all joining me on the veranda at Mar-a-Lago, each of us topless, tanned, and oiled up from head to toe! Winning!
Foundations of Western Civilization
Instructor: Donald Trump
An in depth analysis of the scope of European history focusing on events and ideas that have shaped modern notions of western civilization from the birth of democracy in ancient Greece to the rise and fall of the Roman Empire and ensuing Christianization of Europe to the Medieval World and the cultural and spiritual rebirths of the Renaissance and Reformation.
What? You thought I was a dumbass at everything?
