Statement from the Press Secretary on President Donald J. Trump’s Upcoming International Travel:
"Remember my Dad? He'd have been proud that we've added custom designed Italy vacations ...."
Having watched this commercial many times between tweets on CNN and finding it "amazing, so important, believe me!" President Donald Trump has demanded that all travel for the White House be booked by Perillo Tours. The following is the itinerary that Perillo Tours has developed for Mr. Trump on his upcoming international trip.
Steve Perillo's dad - Mario Perillo, Mr. Italy - would have been proud!
May 19: President Trump departs. Biding him farewell are Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan who will wish him well, wave handkerchiefs, blow kisses, and otherwise betray their responsibilities as elected officials of the United States to millions upon millions of people worldwide.
May 20: President Trump will first visit King Salman bin Abd Al-Aziz in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. The visit will reaffirm the strong partnership between the United States and Saudi Arabia as will be evidenced by President Trump’s obsequious wearing of a burka throughout the visit. The meetings will allow the two leaders to discuss efforts to defeat terrorist groups and discredit radical ideologies, such as the one espoused by the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.
May 22: President Trump will next visit President Reuven Rivlin and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu in Israel where he will further strengthen the opportunity to demonstrate his total lack of understanding and interest in understanding even the most elemental and rudimentary aspects of the Arab-Israeli conflict beyond “maybe Israel should institute a Muslim ban?”
The leaders will discuss a range of regional issues including the need to counter the threats posed by Iran and its proxies followed by a thorough unpacking for Mr. Trump of the meaning of the word “proxy.”
They will also discuss ways to achieve "A Great Deal!" between the Israelis and Palestinians to resolve this centuries if not millennia old conflict which will be "so easy even my evidently mute unqualified son-in-law could do it" and include a warranty on the West Bank of Two Years or 2,000 Terrorist Attacks,
Whichever Comes First.
May 23: President Trump will next accept the invitation of President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority to meet to discuss ways to advance peace between the Israelis and Palestinians, chief among them assigning an evidently mute obviously one-sided Jewish guy with not a whit of experience in anything other than collecting rents in New York City to resolve this centuries if not millennia old conflict.
May 24: Traveling next to Italy, President Trump will meet with His Holiness Pope Francis at the Vatican to discuss cooperation between the United States and the world’s great religions and the Pope will explain to President Trump why references to “what would Jesus do?” will not be particularly helpful in resolving the Arab-Israeli Conflict. He will also meet with President Mattarella of Italy to discuss multilateral cooperation and bilateral relations between the United States and Italy followed by a thorough unpacking for Mr. Trump of the meaning of the word “bilateral.”
May 26: From Rome, the President will continue on to previously announced visits to Brussels for the NATO summit and to Sicily for the G7 meeting during which Mr. Trump will be presented with an acrostic to help him remember the names of the nations in the G7, whatever the fuck they are. If he proves able to master it, Mr. Trump will be presented with the Jerry Lewis Announcer's Test.*
May 28: The President will return home to find a man with a well-groomed head of short white hair living in the White House. Following a period of intense consternation, President Trump will call Steve Perillo for a reasonable place to stay in Washington for the night followed by a thorough unpacking for Mr. Trump of the meaning of the word “impeachment.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Some Boomers may remember this. I've been able to do it since I was ten. I doubt Trump would get past "one hen" or "one hen, two ducks," and certainly not past "one hen, two ducks, three squawking geese." No way past "squawking geese."
Oh, Ladeees! Boy, does that guy Trump have an ego!