Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Sid Markowitz Esq, Attorney to Donald Trump
"Mr. Markowitz, there's a man in the waiting room to see you. I had to move all the Hustlers out of the office real fast and throw out Thursday's Taco Bell, but he's still there!"
"I don't got any appointment scheduled. What does he look like?"
"Orange hair, believe it or not."
"Sounds like the Joker outta Batman. Okay, Myrtle, send him in but call me in five minutes in case he turns out to be a nut job. Say, what's his name?"
"Donald Trump, he says."
"Never hoid of him. Better call me in three minutes."
"Hello, Mr. Markowitz, I'm Donald Trump. I need an attorney and you come highly recommended by Corey Lewandowski."
"Oh yes, Corey. I represented him on a BAA rap a few years. Y'know, Being an Asshole."
"So I heard. I need to lawyer up fast! My present attorney Mr. Kasowitz looked at my case and won't return my calls. I think he's vanished from the face of the Earth!"
"What line of work you in, Mr. Dump?"
"That's Trump. I'm President of the United States."
"Well, what d'ya know? Myrtle ... Myrtle, call me in 15 minutes. And make some coffee. Clean the crud out of the coffee maker first."
"Can you tell me about your expertise, Mr. Markowitz?"
"I can tell you that I'm the best am'blance chaser, I mean poisonal injury attorney, in the county!"
"And I'm suffering a personal injury called Impeachment. I've been accused by a bunch of losers of betraying the United States to Russia, but it's a lie made up by Dems because they can't accept that they lost the election."
"What part of it is a lie, Mr. Rump?"
"That's Trump. The part where the people accusing me are losers and Dems who can't accept that they lost the election."
"Well, I'll handle your case, Mr. Trump, and I'll do it good. But foist there's the matter of the retainer and fees."
"Well, what do you want? My finances are a bit tight. I only have ten billion dollars."
"I need $250 to start and $35 an hour. Oh, and you have to cover my food bill at Taco Bell."
"It's steep, but I'll have to come up with it. I'll make some calls."
"I'll call you soon, Mr. Plump (gee, you are, to say the least!). In the meantime I'll start researching the poisonal injury of 'peachment."
"That's Trump. Thank you, Mr. Markowitz. May I call you, Sid? You know, I'm the least anti-Semitic person you've ever seen in your entire life."
"Well, what d'ya know?"
"I'll go now, Sid."
"Myrtle, see if you can look up a Donald Trump. Says he's the President of the United States but I'm not sure he's the real deal."
"Oh yeah, I think he is."
"Well, what d'ya know? Then draw up one of our ill-worded contracts for $45 an hour. You know what, Myrtle, if I play my cards right I might get me job at the White House."
"What job, Mr. Markowitz?"
"Secretary of Education."