Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Sid Markowitz Esq, Attorney to Donald Trump
"Mr. Markowitz, there's a man in the waiting room to see you. I had to move all the Hustlers out of the office real fast and throw out Thursday's Taco Bell, but he's still there!"
"I don't have any appointment scheduled. What does he look like?"
"Orange hair, believe it or not."
"Sounds like the Joker from Batman. Okay, Myrtle, send him in but call me in five minutes in case he turns out to be a nut job. Say, what's his name?"
"Donald Trump, he says."
"Never heard of him. Better call me in three minutes."
"Hello, Mr. Markowitz, I'm Donald Trump. I need an attorney and you come highly recommended by Corey Lewandowski."
"Oh yes, Corey. I represented him on a BAA rap a few years. Y'know, Being an Asshole."
"I need to lawyer up fast! My present attorney Mr. Kasowitz looked at my case and won't return my calls."
"What line of work you in, Mr. Trump?"
"I'm President of the United States."
"Well, what d'ya know? Myrtle ... Myrtle, call me in 15 minutes. And make some coffee. Clean the crud out of the coffee maker first."
"Can you tell me about your expertise, Mr. Markowitz?"
"I can tell you that I'm the best ambulance chaser - I mean personal injury attorney - in the county!"
"I'm suffering a personal injury called Impeachment. I've been accused by a bunch of losers of betraying the United States to Russia but they're lying because they can't accept that they lost the election."
"What part of it is a lie, Mr. Trump?"
"The part where the people accusing me are a bunch of losers who are lying because they can't accept that they lost the election."
"I'll handle your case, Mr. Trump, but first there's the matter of the retainer and fees."
"My finances are a bit tight. I only have ten billion dollars."
"I need $250 to start and $35 an hour. Oh, and you have to cover my food bill at Taco Bell."
"I'll make some calls."
"As soon as you come up with the scratch, I'll start researching the personal injury of impeachment."
"Thank you, Mr. Markowitz. You know, I'm the least anti-Semitic person you've ever seen in your entire life."
"Well, what d'ya know? See you later, Mr. Trump."
"Myrtle, see if you can look up a Donald Trump. Says he's the President of the United States but I'm not sure he's the real deal."
"Oh yeah, I think he is."
"Know what, Myrtle? If I play my cards right I might get a job at the White House."
"What job, Mr. Markowitz?"
"Secretary of Education."