Friday, May 26, 2017

Interrogating Jared

Siberian cat got your tongue?

Agent Cooper: Bobby, it's time to interrogate Jared Kushner.  Are you ready?

Agent Slick: Sure am. What's he being charged with, Mark?

Agent Cooper:  116 meetings with Russian dignitaries including 19 sleepovers with Vladimir Putin, three games of Twister with Foreign Minister Lavrov, and an evening baking fudge with Ambassador Kislyak.

Agent Slick:  Well, he's already had his Miranda warnings, so let's go.

Agent Cooper:  Good morning, Mr. Kushner,  my name is Agent Cooper, my partner is Agent Slick.


Agent Slick:  What'd did he say?

Agent Cooper:  I don't think he said anything. You know, nobody's ever heard him speak.

Agent Slick:  We just want to ask you a few questions, Mr. Kushner.  Okay?


Agent CooperI guess maybe he's a mime.  Like Marcel Marceau.

Agent Slick: If that's true, he's a very unentertaining one

Agent Cooper:  Mr. Kushner, is it the Jewish Shabbat and you're not allowed to speak?


Agent Slick: No, Mark, you're allowed to speak on Shabbat. Unless God is timing you out.

Agent Cooper: Mr. Kushner, what is your involvement with the Russians?


Agent Slick:  What the fuck?!

Agent Cooper: Okay, Bobby, let's try this. Let's play charades. Mr. Kushner, can you act out your involvement with the Russians?


Agent Slick:  He's pointed to his eye.  Now he's hugging himself.

Agent Cooper:  "I love" ... "I love" what, Mr. Kushner?


Agent Slick:  And now he's running around.  He's rushing!  Russian! "I love Russian..."  

Agent Cooper:  "I love  Russian" what, Mr. Kushner?  What do you love that's Russian?!


Agent Slick:  He's dressing.

Agent Cooper:  He's saying "I love Russian Dressing!!!"  That means .… oh, crap.  That means nothing.

Agent Slick:  I wonder how he feels about vinaigrette. 

Agent Cooper: Kushner, if you don't talk, I'm going to tell your Mommy and Daddy!

Kushner:  No, Puh-leese!  Don't do that!

Agent Cooper: You spoke, Mr. Kushner, you spoke!!!

Kushner: Yes, I did. 

Agent Slick: Why haven't you ever talked before? 

Kushner: Ivanka told me not to.



Russell said...

Personally, I hate Russian dressing and I refuse to wear a Cossack hat when dancing with Vlad. He's begged me to several times, but it just gets him too aroused.

Perry Block said...

Of course you hate Russian Dressing. You only like caviar, which I presume you think you'll be eating like mad after you help your friends Trump and Putin and Ivan and Boris Badenov and Jared take over our country! But Comey and the Friday Fictioneers are on to you, Bub!