"Happy President's Day, George!"
"You too, Abe.
Happy Us Day!"
"Imagine the two of us sharing a holiday, George! Me and you, the first and second most important Presidents in U. S. history."
"That's right, I ... wait a minute! Who are you calling first and who second?"
"Well, clearly I'm first! Which one of us had a world class motion picture out this year directed by Mr. Steven Spielberg and starring the incomparable Daniel Day-Lewis, the male gender's answer to Meryl Streep?"
"Well, I've been in movies too. And more filmstrips than Jack Hanna!"
"Terrific. And by the way, I've also been played by Henry Fonda, Raymond Massey, Jason Robards, and Academy Award Winner F. Murray Abraham. Who you got --- Jeff Daniels?"
"Well ... he's really good in Newsroom."
"Yeah, with Sorkin writing his lines! And, George, there wasn't just one but TWO big movies out about me this year!"
"You're counting the stupid vampire movie!?"
"And I suppose you have a project in development with Judd Apatow?"
"I'm Number One! With that beard, you'd be lucky to get a part in a feminine hygiene commercial, if you catch my drift!"
"With your teeth, you'd be lucky to get PoliGrip! Bet you'd really gum the scenery too!"
"You couldn't deliver the Gettysburg Address without half a dozen Marco Rubio moments!"
"Then again maybe you could take an acting class, and learn how to act teeth!"
"HEY, GEORGE & ABE: You two need to cut this crap out!"
"Why, it's Bill Clinton! Hey, Bubba!"
"Slick Willie! Elvis has re-entered the building!"
"You two guys need to work together on this. Accordin' to my standards ...
"According to your standards, Bill, my life was about as exciting as winter in Valley Forge. You, Abe?"
"Absolutely, George! Four score and seven had nothing to do with the number of babes I got to ..."
"No, no, no, guys! I just have two words to whisper to you both. And they are ....."
"OMG, you're right, Bill! Abe, you and I are both Numero Uno!"
"Right you are, Georgie! Let's go get ourselves a drink and some dinner.
"Good deal, Abe. And maybe later --- if you can hack it --- we'll take in a show!"
Folks, what I whispered to Abe and George were the words:
I figured they'd rather spend the next four years sharin' first place than arguin' in 2016 who's gonna be second and who's third!