Saturday, February 9, 2013

Introducing: The Cream of Wheat!

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Yes, folks, it's ... 

The CREAM OF WHEAT!


Get Ready to 
Take Your Lumps!


           
           
         Welcome to my brand new highly original laugh-a-second web comic which is in no way whatsoever a blatant and shameful rip-off of a hilarious and far better in every respect web comic known as 


if you've ever even heard of it (hush...hush)


I decided to start me one of these web comics when I read in Time Magazine that Matthew Inman, who writes and draws The Oatmeal,  has THIS many followers


Whereas my Humor Blog 





has THIS many followers

... and you can see where he thinks is the most fit place to read it. 


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This is Matthew Inman.





And this is me



Nobody had to send me a message in a bottle to tell me what to do!



Although I did get  a message in a bottle from some annoying guy named Robinson Crusoe, but I'm way too busy starting my own web comic to pay any attention to such nonsense!




So ...starting here, starting now



The CREAM OF WHEAT


will take on 





AND WE WILL EAT ITS LUNCH!

... or breakfast, as the case may be.



######


######


How You Know
 When Your Dog Is 
GAY.



Gets along well with the cat.


  In fact, has sometimes Gone Antiquing with him.




Rhinestone Poop Bag








L-L-L-L-L-L-O-O-O-VES 

JUDY!











Won't chase a ball unless you throw
two of them.



AND







Quite Simply, Ground Zero.




########



######




ARE YOU RELATED TO   
RICHARD III?

Take this handy micro-quiz to determine if your DNA matches that of the warped, twisted hunchback! 



1) Who or what is Bosworth?

 a) the gravelly voiced actor from Charlie's Angels


b) Actress Kate, haven't seen her in much lately

c) The gravelly voiced actor from Happy Days

d) A Field. Not of Dreams. Or of gravel. (Not yet anyway)






2) Finish this quote: "A horse!  A horse! ...

 a)   "Of course!  Of course!"

b) "I love you, Sarah Jessica!"

c) "I love you!" .... Catherine the Great
d) "My kingdom for a horse!  It's a shitty deal, I know."


Answer: You have absolutely no chance whatsoever of being related to Richard III.
Or to anybody royal or important. 
Now go back to your damn cubicle! 


#######



######



If People were Encased in
 CHOCOLATE

Ben Franklin

So THAT, Dr. Franklin, is how a short, bald, dumpy guy like you was able to load up on the babes?



George Bush

   Elected two terms. Served 8 years. Had to be the reason! Had to be. 




Bruce Wayne
How do I know you're Batman, Mr. Wayne? How do I know you're Batman?!  Why ... you've exactly the same rich chocolate coating and delicious nougat center!!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please come back and visit us again soon.

The CREAM OF WHEAT



Instant Laughs, Guaranteed!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


[And that's your first issue of the Cream of Wheat, folks!  Whaddya think?

What?!!  You're lawyers for Matthew Inman, and you're serving me?!! 

Oh.  With Oatmeal.  Ha, ha, that is funny!

You win. ]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you liked  this post, you might also like Oh, the Lame Places You'll Go, The Next Dark Knight Rising, and Why Aging Sucks.

If you hated this post,  well,  I'm afraid there's not much that medical science can do for you ....

6 comments:

Marisa Birns said...

Hilarious, Perry! My mother used to make me eat Cream of Wheat (not instant) for breakfast every day before going off to be tortured by the nuns.

I think you should give back the hat to that rabbit.

K.B. Owen said...

I'm sorry to say (because I do NOT want to be related to Richard III) that I got all of the questions right. Sigh.

Thanks for the chuckles this morning, Perry! Looking forward to more Cream of Wheat (never thought I'd say that...).

~Kathy

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Marisa!
1) My mother used to make the Original Cream of Wheat, which took until spring. She later switched to the Quick Cream of Wheat, which cut it to Passover.
2) I will not give back the hat until I grow more hair.
3) I used to dream about being tortured by nuns. Not in the same way you were, I guess.

Perry Block said...

I actually want to be related to Richard III because his posture's a tad bit better than mine. Too bad he met his end on Tom Bosley Field!

More Cream of Wheat? I dunno, I narrowly avoided litigation this time around!

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