Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Schizophrenic Blogger

If  ever win one of those cutesy blogging awards people give out which enable recipients thereof to call themselves 'award-winning bloggers'* without ever having been within boobs-length of Seth MacFarlane, it ought for sure to be

The Schizophrenic
 Blogger Award

except for the fact they don't actually have one of those.

You see, seven days out of the week my blog posts are about as popular as the writing staff at The Onion is with the National Organization for Women.  I've got to hang bacon outside my blog if I want to entice anyone to enter, and once anyone's inside I've got to hurtle myself at their feet to get them to leave a comment, even if it's only "let the hell go of my feet!"

If I get any comments at all, I'm lucky to get: 

 I only clicked on yer link because I thought maybe there'd be pictures of cute kittens, loser!

But on the eighth day of the week, all that is blissfully forgotten. On the eighth day of the week glowing kudos-laden comments flow beneath my blog posts like riverlets of wine, albeit only the cheap kind in a carton you and I can afford.   On the eighth day of the week, I am suddenly ....  

What's changed? Frankly, my humor writing is still about as funny as a descriptive passage from "Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad.  No, what's changed is not the writing but the fact that I am now a card-carrying member of the Friday Fictioneers.

The Fictioneers, under the direction of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, is an internet group of some one hundred writers who every Friday (or thereinabouts) write a 100 (or thereinaboutsword flash fiction story based on a picture prompt posted earlier in the week.  And in the incestuous community of the Fictioneers, most members write weekly comments to each other supporting and mostly praising each other's posts.

And so, on a random Friday, I may receive 20-30-40 comments in the nature of:  

Great piece!  Loved the way you wrote in English and didn't spill salsa all over the computer screen! 

What writing!  Brilliant from start to finish!  
(P.S. I'll write more after I've read it.) 

You're so funny!  'To get to the other side' joke slayed me.  Also you wrote in English, wonderful idea!

But a few days pass and I return to a regular blog post, and once again,  One is the Loneliest Number and most likely the onliest number that I'll ever do.  If there's a comment at all, about as good it gets is:

Thought this was kinda funny 'cept I was so wasted when I read it, man! 

 ... and so on through the week until comes another Friday and it's Roll Out the Barrel, We'll Have a Barrel of Fun 'til Monday when once again  Ah, Look at All The Lonely People but not to worry, Perry, because in a couple of days,  Happy Days are Here Again!  That is, until Monday next when Just Me and My Shadow demonstrate once more why I am uniquely qualified to win The Schizophrenic Blogger Award,  if only they actually had one of those.

But how long can I live his dual life, this two-face of a blogger's existence?   It seems that I must choose.  Do I remain within the cushiony comfortable bubble of the Friday Fictioneers  forever or do I fess up to the unaided reality of a mostly comment-less seven days a week blogging existence?  And,  as a result, probably get myself a straight job as a meat inspector for IKEA? 

I've chosen.  

And know what, blogging world?

You like me, you really like me!

*Not to brag, but I actually am an Award-winning blogger, having netted the Versatile Blogger Award and Stylish Blogger Award  a few years back. When I win me a third award, I'm putting it on my stationery, business cards,  and voice-mail!  

And I still won't get any comments ...


June O'Hara said...

You deserve all the readers in the world, Perry, and not just on Fridays. Right here, right now, I pledge to check out your blog whenever you post.

You're so cute when you're schizophrenic.

Russell said...

Well, the big day is just around the corner, Perry. You and I will get our weekly quota of 15 to 20 nice comments from our Fictioneer friends (which I greatly appreciate).
I visit other blogs and notice they get 100 hits (regularly) for writing a post about how to knit an afghan from cat hair collected from their neighbor's couch.
Oh, by the way, Thanks for writing this one in English.

Perry Block said...

And you oughta know, as my therapist. Thanks, June!

Perry Block said...

Yeah, Russell, isn't it great how our Fictioneer friends are right now preparing their loving comments about our work while we sit here talking about them!

I originally tried the theme "Nouveau Old, Formerly Cat Hair" and it just didn't work for me. I guess it was stupid of me to write it in English.

Anonymous said...

Well, Perry, every time I read one of your blogs, I think, "Wow, he should win an award of some kind." Little did I know that you're already an award-winning blogger! And since it's almost Friday (what day is it...oh, it's Thursday)...then it IS almost Friday when the Fictioneers will hop in an leave all those rich comments. So, why am I bothering? Because you're a hoot, Perry Block. You make me laugh, maybe not a guffaw, slap the knee kind of laugh, but a smile and a chuckle. And like everyone else has mentioned, you write in English!! Job well done. Joy Ross Davis

Perry Block said...

C'est un commentaire gentil,Joy. Merci beaucoup!