Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Don't Fence Us In


copyright-Erin Neary

"There, that'll keep the foreigners out," said Ernie . 

"Why do you want to do that?" said his friend Charles, "we were all foreigners once."

"Not from that country!  Not those lowlifes from that country!"

"But how is this short fence - wide open in the middle - gonna keep anyone out?"

"You forget, everybody in that country is fat anymore."

"Oh yeah.  Eating habits really have gone to hell in the United States." 

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I'm proud to say my eating habits are exemplary, if exemplary is slightly under one six pack of Coke a day.  In any event, what isn't at all fat is the word count in my contribution to the Friday Fictioneers this week based on the picture prompt above, sveltly striding in at a paltry 75 words.

You'll find yourself in Fat City enjoying the lo-cal offerings of the other Friday Fictioneers by clicking above, as you choose, on either the words Fat City or lo-cal above.

"We've never had to put up a wall to keep our people in," said President Kennedy in one particularly memorable moment.  And we don't have to.  If folks around here get any fatter, pretty soon a speed bump will be enough to keep 'em well contained.

48 comments:

  1. Aww! their terrible eating habits will keep them off.

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    1. Aww. Let's just have a coke, you and me!

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  2. Ha.. yes.. that would make life simple.. I'm intrigued which border it is though... hmm Canada?

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    1. Probably the Grand Duchy of Fenwick, a small little known country above North Dakota. Or Canada.

      Yeah, probably Canada.

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    1. Yes, I am placing it in my crown as we speak!

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  4. Mooo, moooo. I'd probably just get my head stuck in the fence and then someone would come up behind me and . . . .

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  5. Hopefully you wouldn't enjoy it!

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  6. LOL you're nuts! haha
    if only fences are enough to keep unwelcome people away...
    about the eating habits though, sad but true. happy to hear that you're following a healthy diet.

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  7. Yes, I've always stopped just short of snorting Coca-Cola. Thanks for checking in, KZ!

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  8. Even fat people can buy and operate ladders (hole in your logic) ;). Your posts make me smile, I like your humor.

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    1. Yes, but they can only operate them horizontally. Thanks, Jean!

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  9. We Quebecers ( yep, I'm one of those ) have learned some mighty bad habits from our neighbors down south but admittedly poutine is all our fault. Perry..you are a hoot!

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    1. I would blame you mightily for poutine if I knew what is was. Thank you, Patricia!

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    2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine

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  10. Great motivation to loose weight ! :D

    .. one thing is for sure that it cant be anywhere in the dark continent !

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    1. It's right here in the bright as day USA. And pass me the fries!

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  11. Carl Sandberg said this, even though it's really an older saying.

    Love your neighbor as yourself, but don't take down your fences.

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    1. Love that quote. Because good fences make good neighbors. (Robert Frost, I think...)

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  12. Perry, Another funny story. : ) Smart of you to criticize those from your own country as no one can get mad that way. Watch those Cokes. Do you by any chance own stock in the company? I take it you eat as well. : ) ---Susan

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    1. Yes, I do eat. I freeze and solidify coke and eat it. Wish I owned stock in the company as I alone generate great profits for them. Thanks, Susan!

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  13. I should never have read this before lunch as I'm now starving! But no poutine for me. You do know that Coke doesn't really have coke in it anymore, right? :-)

    janet

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    1. What?!!! I'm suing that goshdarn company! I still don't know what poutine is, but I think maybe I can forget about trying it?

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  14. Clever twist, Perry. This made me laugh... the irony and hypocrisy. Nicely played, my friend.

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  15. Glad I made you laugh with my clever twist. Off a bottle of coke!

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  16. Made me laugh, Perry. I think when they're done keeping people out, they might realize nobody actually wants to come anyway. One concrit - "anymore" doesn't seem to quite fit, unless it's some slang meaning of the word I'm not familiar with.
    And well done on word count, no doubt you'll be holding this over us all next time your entry is overweight!

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    1. I checked "anymore" and it seems to fit; it can mean "nowadays" or "presently." Not that I knew that when used it. Also, thanks for using the word "concrit" which I don't know. I'll look that up next. On word count, I will definitely hold over the extra words in my word bank for my next bout of pomposity. Thanks for writing, Jennifer!

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  17. Who wouldn't want people form the US of A in their country???? Great job on jabbing those who want to build fences and keep others out in the side.

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    1. Yes, not to be immodest, I felt a made a few jabs there in my 75 or so words. I expect to be jabbed back even harder!

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  18. I could see Canada putting up a big fence, although I don't know if Canadians are much better, on average. Maybe the day will come when Mexico puts up the fence first. :)

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    1. Well, Canada has health care and far fewer guns and Mexico has the great weather. I see two fences in our future.

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  19. Praise the lard, this was a funny offering Perry.

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    1. Yes, the Lard works in mysterious ways, and thank you!

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  20. If they chose a nice cup of tea instead of a Coke they'd be squeezing through that gap in no time! Funny story!!!

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    1. Could be true but it will never happen. Have a Coke and a smile!

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  21. Ha!ha!But Perry,you forget with all those weighty issues,they may decide to fence crash ;-) Great job with the prompt as always :-)

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    1. You're right, a few of them may try to barrel through, but we'll through a few donuts back on the other side to distract them. Thanks for your comment about the prompt, which adjective does not apply to any of them.

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  22. And they have! Ha ha. Oh, it is bad. I just read an article today about obesity in our country. They say part of it is our laze about habits with electronics, but also because cheap food is more plentiful now than ever. And, vegetables and fruit will probably be very expensive this summer with the drought in California!

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    1. Vegetables and fruit are expensive? Who eats 'em anyway? Break out the coke and soft pretzels! Thanks for writing, Amy!

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  23. Dear Perry,

    It's been fun chewing the fat and spitting it out. I love the President Kennedy quote. And I think the nation as a whole has gotten fatter. I'll be surprised if the Midwest doesn't sink into the ocean before California.

    Lifting my bottled water, "L'Chaim."

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Lifting mine and dumping in lemonade flavor crystals made with no lemons. Don't know how you manage to comment on everyone's post each week, Rochelle; I'd have time to take a quick break and start in on the next week's pieces. Thanks for your great work as always, and stay thin. (Actually I am thin too, but it's genetic, not good eating habits.)

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  24. Very amusing, Perry. Turning us on our heads! keep those Americans out!
    I have to point out a typo: "is fat anymore". shouldn't that be "is fat now" ?
    I wouldn't point our any typos if you would read THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS!

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    1. Read it? I plan to wear it! Just don't tell anybody.

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  25. Here's a short cut ...

    Just step on the bottom board -- It will break. Then you will have a huge hole to craw through (huh, roll through).

    Now, where is that donut I was eating?

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  26. Governor Christie already ate it. Thanks, Mike!

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  27. Haha…and the title..delicious!

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  28. a timely story to warn people of obesity. fun read:)

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  29. Well told, covering a number of timely issues while raising a few smiles :)

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