I fairly well couldn't believe it!
Hurrying through the East Concourse of Suburban Station in downtown Philadelphia, I almost tripped over him.
"Big Bird! What the hell happened to you?!!
"It was that damn first debate ... yes, it was that first debate ... that's when it all started, that first ...."
"Talk sense, Big Bird. That' s when what started?"
"Day One of his presidency, Mitt Romney swept through Sesame Street with a gang of street toughs. Two big guys held Elmo on either side while Paul Ryan beat the .... it wasn't a pretty sight!"
"Oh, Big Bird, I didn't know."'
"That's nothing, what happened to David McCullough was even worse!"
"What could possibly be worse?"
"You've seen Pulp Fiction?"
"But where's everyone who used to live on Sesame Street?"
"Romney and his thugs dispersed us to the four corners of the Earth. It became known as The New Diaspora, only instead of with Jews it was with hand puppets."
"Why couldn't you get some kind of job?"
"I'm an eight foot bird with the mind of a child, genius! The only thing I got offered was Greeter in Vegas."
"Couldn't you have gone on the government dole like the other members of the 47%?"
"Are you nuts? President Romney talks all the time about how he hates our guts!"
"Yes, but isn't there something you could ...?
"Buddy, the only social program left is AFDCEO, Aid to Families with Dependent CEOs."
"Here, Big Bird. Take this."
"Seventy-five cents? Thanks, Diamond Jim!"
"Now where are you going ?"
"Over to the West Concourse."
"More Republican riders there, way better handouts!"
Elmo have multiple contusions, broken bones,
and a very battered ego.