Friday, October 12, 2012

Terminator 5, The Final Chapter

The Final Chapter


"Yes, who is it?"

"Sarah Conner?"

"Oh my God,  you've found me!  You've found me!!!"

"You are Sarah Connor of 1515 Maple Drive, Englewood, California?" 

"Yes ... yes I am.  Are you going to kill me now?" 

"Why would I kill you? 

"Aren't you a Terminator unit sent back in time to destroy me so I won't give birth to a son named John Connor who will lead the Resistance against murderous machines that take over the Earth?"     

"Have you been drinking, Sarah Connor?"

"Well, then who or what the hell are you?!!!

"I'm Governor/Actor/Bodybuilder/Living Legend Arnold Schwarzenegger."  

"Governor Schwarzenegger!  Why are you here?"

"I'm on a promotional tour to talk about my new book, Total Recall. Perhaps you've seen me on 60 Minutes, the Tonight Show,  or Kelli and Michael?"

"No, but I did see you on Antiques Roadshow."

"Then you know all about my honest and frank confessional about the poor choice or two I made while serving as Governor of the largest and most  powerful state in the Union."

"You mean like bean bagging the housekeeper while married to Maria Shriver?" 

"Yes, it was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my long, illustrious, and multi-faceted career! I am very sorry for the pain that I have inflicted on my future political and show business aspirations."  

"Gee, I was kinda worried there for a moment you weren't sorry." 

"Everybody makes mistakes, Sarah Connor.  You yourself had sex with Reese,  some random guy from the future."

"Hello!  Reese was kind of good looking as opposed to having a face that would have best been crushed by the hydraulic press in Terminator 1."

"Here is my book, Sarah Connor.  How many copies would you like?   

"Please leave, Governor Schwarzenegger."

"I'll autograph it for you!  Although that's extra."

"Just please get out of here!"

"All right then, I'll go, Sarah Connor.  But just one thing."


"I'll be back."

"In that case, Governor Schwarzenegger, know what?" 

"What, Sarah Connor?" 

"Kill me now!"


He was relentless, I tell you!
Totally Relentless!!!


Perry Block said...

I was a bit concerned that there would be no response to this piece at all until it was finally picked up by the Broad Street Review (@broadstreview).

Frankly I was rather pleased with how it turned out in combining the Terminator movies themselves with Arnold's ridiculously self-serving "mea culpa" memoir. I liked the flow of the dialogue too.

Okay, I feel better now. Thank you, BSR!

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