Saturday, May 2, 2015

A Fine Bromance - Part II

"So, you finally found a fine bromance," I said to my friend Andy as we sat in one of our favorite Center City haunts the other day.  "Tell me all about your new fella!"

I have to admit that I was a bit surprised when Andy told me a few weeks back that he was looking for a hot bromance.   I knew his marriage was on the rocks, but I was highly skeptical and a bit unsettled about how a serious relationship with someone of the self-same gender would make things better.

"He is just divine!" Andy enthused. "He's everything I've always dreamed about in a bromance!"

Dreamed about in a bromance?  This is a guy who used to have wet dreams about the Eagles winning the Superbowl.

"What his name? I asked. "Where did you meet him?"

"His name is Armando," the name rolled sweetly off Andy's tongue, "and I met him in my daughter's ballet class."

"Armando was taking ballet with 14 year old Jewish girls?!"

"No, silly person," scolded Andy. "He was the teacher. I took one look in his baby blues and I knew."

"You knew what? Whether he had astigmatism?"

"No," said Andy soulfully, "I knew he would be my one true bromance. We spoke, had coffee, talked for hours, and it was magic!"

"Couldn't you have just gone to see David Copperfield?" I asked, a bit exasperated. "So .... what have you two guys done together since?"

"What haven't we done? We've been to the ballet, concerts, and poetry readings.  Last week we went up to see the Museum of Modern Art in New York."

"But your idea of modern art used to involve dogs playing poker!  The only time I ever saw you in the Philadelphia Museum of Art was when you ducked in to escape a hailstorm."

"I'm changed Perry. Armando has taught me so much about the culture, about the arts ... about life!"

"About life?!! Your deepest observation about life used to center around where to get a good cheese steak!  Tell me, has all this helped your marriage?"

"Oh, no.  Armando has opened my eyes that it's time to move on. We talk about it a great deal when we stroll through the park together on a lovely and enchanting spring day."

"Stroll through the park on a lovely .... ?!! You told me you would never go to the park again after that time you got dog shit on your wingtips!"

"But that's all changed, Perry," sighed Andy.  "Since Armando."

"Andy, you're free to live your life as you choose," I said, "and I support you, but ..."

Just then my attention was drawn to a drop-dead gorgeous woman who had entered the bar.

"OMG, Andy, look at her!"   I gasped.  "I mean, you don't have to look if ...."

"Oh, her?" sniffed Andy. "She's one of my girlfriends."

"She's wha-aat!!" 

"Hello, Jennifer," Andy said.  "Come meet Perry."

"Hi, Perry," cooed Jennifer.  "Andy,  Babe, I dreamt about you all day long today!"

"Andy, how... how ... did you meet her?"

"Through Armando. He and I pick up chicks wherever we go. You want hot, you should see my others --- Sharon, Amanda, and Angelique."   

"Can we go home now, Andy?" sighed Jennifer.  "I've got rampaging needs only you can fulfill."

"Sorry, Perry, gotta go."  

"Umm, uhh, ... Andy,  may I ask you something?"

"Sure. What?" 

"Does Armando have a brother?"



Gardenlover said...

Third try - This needs to be published in the New Yorker.

Gardenlover said...

Well, I finally got something to stick in the comments. You probably wrote this post in less time than it took me to leave an eleven word comment.

How do you like Gardenlover for a bromance name? It's actually, my wife's but she said I could borrow it to use on your site.

I hear Armando has an older brother named Don Julio. You two can cruise retirement centers, play a little shuffleboard and dominos, and pick up a harem of rich widows. If that doesn't work, try hanging out in front of the Depends display at your local grocery store. Better hurry. These old gals are dying to meet you.

Perry Block said...

Thanks for you nice comment. Most people think it shouldn't be published at all. And I know for some reason, it is difficult to leave comments on Blogger. Otherwise maybe I'd get some.

Russell said...

you mean comments, right?