Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Herbert, the Happiest Leaf (FF)

It's Herbert, the happiest leaf, the happiest leaf you know!

"Hi, boys and girls, I'm Herbert, the happy leaf.  Although I am sad that I only have one eye. My left eye was shot out by a deranged elementary school student with a pea shooter.”
Herbert, the happiest leaf, the happiest leaf you know!

“You know what else makes me sad, kids?  I'm a leaf. I don't have a body, I can't defecate, and I can't get it on with female leafs cause they’re only interested in you if you have a big trunk.” 

Herbert, the happiest leaf, it's the Happy Herbert Show!

“Some show! I introduce cartoons that aren’t funny while being munched on by aphids.  Kids, don't believe any of this happy crap. Life is one long struggle and then you die!”

Herbert, the happiest leaf, the happiest leaf you know!

“And, oh yeah, I didn’t get the damn Letterman gig either!”


I can't imagine why Herbert, the happiest leaf, is so unhappy. He's on national television, he's personal friends with Bill Murray, and he even provides oxygen for the atmosphere.  I'm afraid his show does suck, however, except for the presence of his house band, the Roots.

This tale of Herbert, the happiest leaf, is my contribution to the Friday Fictioneers this week based on the picture prompt above. If you'd like to plant yourself among the other Fictioneers' contributions, click here.

Oh, cheer up, Herbert!  You do have a fetching birthmark right under your nose.


Unknown said...

A very interesting take on the prompt. It speaks true of today's society and how expectations of how to act, what to look like, and say are placed upon us.

Alicia said...

I'm thinking Herbert is not such a happy leaf after all.

Anonymous said...

Now all you dumb f**k boys and girls, reach into your mommies' pocketbooks and take out all that green stuff they call money and send it to:

Mr. .Herbert Leaf
c/o PO Box 879326

as your uncle will no longer be working for this TV station after today and will need some help unto he lands a new job.

(do you remember Soupy Sales?)

Funny piece.

plaridel said...

i didn't expect that ending. then i didn't expect letterman will be riding into the sunset either.

Perry Block said...

And how hypocritical people in show business are, especially those that are plants. Thanks, Francesca!

Perry Block said...

Herbert has been on Prozac since 2011,

Perry Block said...

Lunch with Soupy Sales, with White Fang, Block Tooth, Pookie, and Hippie."And for desert, Jello!"
No, I don't' remember it at all.

Perry Block said...

Yeah, I wasn't quite sure how to end this piece, either with the leaf's bitterness over not getting the Letterman job, or the leaf suddenly turning all happy for the beginning of his kiddie show. What do you think is better?

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Dear Perry,

Why does Death to Smoochy suddenly come to mind? Disturbing, but funny little story. I think I could come up with my top ten reasons why.



brudberg said...

Maybe Herbert would be better off as a coca leaf.. That's something to chew on for you.

Perry Block said...

Sorry I didn't see Death to Smooch. I guess that shows how much intuitively I must be just like Danny Devito, but maybe a little taller. Okay, waiting for your top ten list!

Perry Block said...

I think Herbert would be better off submerged into somebody's mint julep. Wonder who'd be the replacement host next week?

Perry Block said...

OOOPs! I accidentally deleted a comment from Lorna Ray. Very sorry!

Russell said...

I hear Mary Jane the Marijuana leaf is pretty happy. She tried out for the Letterman gig too, but got lost on the way to the studio and no one really wanted to hear her say, "Oh wow, look at those pretty lights" for two hours every night.

Dawn said...

Some leaves are just unhappy no matter what branch they are from.

Sandra Crook said...

I hate leaves that are always moaning about their lot in life... they need to branch out a bit more.

liz young said...

You must watch some seriously weird television!

Anonymous said...

Oh man! I think Herbert leaf would make a fine talk show host. What happened here, hmm? At least he's got some cool drops. He looks a lot cooler than any talk show host could ever hope for. Secretly, I'm sure they are all jealous of Herbert. It will all be okay.

Perry Block said...

I don't know why not. That would have been intelligent conversation for Jimmy Fallon. I hope Mary Jane is careful; I've heard all kinds of stories about the notorious "casting ashtray."

Perry Block said...

That's true. Some of them even try to kill themselves by inhaling CO2.

Perry Block said...

Sometimes you gotta spread your branches and fly! I mean, spread your branches and spread your branches and spread your branches ...

Perry Block said...

I always loved Leaf Ericson. That's as seriously weird as it gets.

Perry Block said...

I think they're all jealous of his dimple; of his oddball vertical mouth, not so much. But in the absence of Letterman, I'd watch him.

P.S. Joshi said...

Only you would see a face on that leaf. Actually I'm rather jealous I didn't see it. I'm not surprised there would be a TV show with a leaf host. Cartoon shows have become weird. Of course some of them were always weird. Hilarious, Perry. :D --- Suzanne

Perry Block said...

Thanks for writing, Suzanne, from ...
Herbert, the happiest leaf, the happiest leaf you know!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to whisper something in Herbert's non-existent ear, just to make him feel better ..."Triffids" ...

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