Saturday, January 3, 2015

A Fine Bromance

Two friends, Perry and Andy, sit commiserating in a neighborhood bar.

Perry:  Sorry to hear that things are not going well in your marriage these days, Andy.

Andy:  That's an understatement.  Seems my wife is never home anymore, always out shopping.

Perry:  Well,  that's not unusual.  Many women like to go shopping.

Andy:  For small arms weaponry? 

Perry:  Oh.  So what do you want to do?   Get a divorce?  Look for a woman on the side?  

Andy:  No, can't afford either.

Perry:  What then?

Andy:  I want a bromance!  A close friendship with another man to fill the void.

Perry:  I've heard of bromances.  But where do you go to meet other guys to have bromance with?

Andy:  Perry!  There are bromance bars all over town! 

Perry:  I see. So you're going to frequent bromance bars and hit on guys to have bromance with?

Andy: Yeah, baby! I'm gonna be out at night cruisin' the bars looking for hot bromance!

Perry:  Well, do you have any idea how to hit on guys to have bromance with in a bromance bar? 

Andy:   I think I'll pick out a guy with soft, sensitive looks who seems like he'd be swell to discuss the Eagles or Flyers with, and then pitch him a slick line.  

Perry:  What kind of a line? Like "Where have you been all my life?  Camping in the Adirondacks?""

Andy:  Yeah, or maybe "Come here to discuss politics often?" or "Buy you a drink, tall, dark, and platonic?"  

Perry: Oh, that'll break the ice all right.  But what if he's not looking for bromance or what if he's looking for a woman?

Andy: Come on, Perry!  He's in a bromance bar!

Perry: You're right; I forgot.  So let's say you start connecting with a guy and you're finding a lot in common, how do you then "move the party" elsewhere, if you catch my drift?  

Andy: I think you ask the fella if he wants to take a walk or go get coffee so you can really get to know each other. Then you invite him back to your place for a nightcap. When the timing is right, you pop the question:  "Would you be my bromance!"

Perry: I think you'd better wait on that.

Andy: Why?
Perry: You want to make good and sure it's true bromance,  not just puppy bromance.

Andy:  Oh, right. Well, I'm off to find me some bromance bars.  Care to come with?  

Perry: No, I don't think so.  Right now I'm not in the market for a bromance.  I need to figure out who I am first.

 Andy:  I understand.  Okay, wish me luck!

Perry: Yep. Hope you find that very special someone to go fishing, play cards, and attend lectures at the Museum of Modern Art with. 

    Andy Departs.

Perry:  I  just don't think any of this is for me.  A bromance bar sounds a bit too much like a gay bar without erections.



thewritersvillage said...

Well, that left me speechless. Not often that I can't come up (no pun intended) with a quick quip.

I hear they're making a yoghurt, though,for guys called Bro Yo.That might be a nice way to start a bromance:

"Wanna share my " Bro Yo""


Perry Block said...

Sorry, Randy, I'm just not in the market for a bromance right now. I'll eat me some Bro You, though.
Happy New Year!

thewritersvillage said...

Thanks for turning me down gently, but it wasn't a opening line for a bromance...

Perry Block said...

Who knows, Randy, someday when I'm ready, bromance may bloom! Meanwhile I'm taking rhumba lessons.

Russell said...

You have to be careful with pick-up lines. I mentioned bromance to a guy in a pool hall once and got smacked up the side of my head with a cue stick . It was a good thing I turned to the side or he might have crushed my ear instead of breaking my nose. You go for the rhumba lessons, I'm signing up for Zumba classes.

Perry Block said...

But Russell, I thought we already had a bromance! Why would you be coming on to a guy in a pool hall? Were you interested in his cue stick?

I'm crushed! I thought one day we could go antiquing together. Without erections, of course.

Russell said...

Don't worry, Perry. That happened long before I met you. We can still go antiquing and I promise not to get an erection unless we find one of those lamps wearing fishnet hose.

Perry Block said...

Good. We can still have one of those bouncy uptempo days that can only be represented by a montage in a movie ending with a shot of us giggling and smiling at each other. Then let's get a drink and go looking for babes.