Saturday, January 3, 2015

A Fine Bromance

“Sorry to hear things aren’t going well in your marriage, Mark.”

“That's an understatement, Perry. My wife is never home anymore. She’s always out shopping.”

 “Well, that’s not unusual. Many women like to go shopping.”

“For small arms weaponry?” 

“Oh. So what do you want to do? Get a divorce? Look for a woman on the side?” 

No, I can't afford either.

“What then?”

“I want a bromance! A close friendship with another man to fill the void.”

“I've heard of bromances. But where do you go to meet another guy to have bromance with?”

“Perry, there are bromance bars all over town! Ben Affleck and Matt Damon just opened a string of them. Sometimes they show “I Love You, Man” on continuous loop.” 

“So you're going to frequent bromance bars and hit on guys to have bromance with?”

“Yeah, baby! I'm gonna be out at night cruisin' the bars looking for hot bromance!”

“Well, do you have any idea how to hit on guys in a bromance bar?”

“I think I'll pick out a sensitive looking guy who seems like he'd be swell to discuss the Eagles or Flyers with, and then pitch him a slick line.”  

“Something like ‘Where have you been all my life? Shopping at Home Depot?’    

“Yeah, or maybe ‘Come here to watch televised sports often?’ or ‘Buy you a drink, tall, dark, and platonic?’"  

“So let's say you start connecting with a dude and you're finding you have a lot in common, how do you then ‘move the party’ elsewhere, if you catch my drift?”

“ I think you ask the fella if he wants to go hit some golf balls. Then if all goes well you invite him back to your place for a nightcap and when the timing is right, you pop the question: ‘Would you be my bromance!’" 

  "I think you'd better wait on that.”

“ Why?”
“ You want to make good and sure it's true bromance, not just puppy bromance.”

“Oh, right. Well, I'm off to hit some bromance bars. Care to come with?”

“No, thanks.” 

  "How come?”

“ Call me old-fashioned, but I’m still looking for romance.” 

“I understand.”

      “But, Mark, just in case …”


“Save me a seat.”



Anonymous said...

Well, that left me speechless. Not often that I can't come up (no pun intended) with a quick quip.

I hear they're making a yoghurt, though,for guys called Bro Yo.That might be a nice way to start a bromance:

"Wanna share my " Bro Yo""


Perry Block said...

Sorry, Randy, I'm just not in the market for a bromance right now. I'll eat me some Bro You, though.
Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for turning me down gently, but it wasn't a opening line for a bromance...

Perry Block said...

Who knows, Randy, someday when I'm ready, bromance may bloom! Meanwhile I'm taking rhumba lessons.

Russell said...

You have to be careful with pick-up lines. I mentioned bromance to a guy in a pool hall once and got smacked up the side of my head with a cue stick . It was a good thing I turned to the side or he might have crushed my ear instead of breaking my nose. You go for the rhumba lessons, I'm signing up for Zumba classes.

Perry Block said...

But Russell, I thought we already had a bromance! Why would you be coming on to a guy in a pool hall? Were you interested in his cue stick?

I'm crushed! I thought one day we could go antiquing together. Without erections, of course.

Russell said...

Don't worry, Perry. That happened long before I met you. We can still go antiquing and I promise not to get an erection unless we find one of those lamps wearing fishnet hose.

Perry Block said...

Good. We can still have one of those bouncy uptempo days that can only be represented by a montage in a movie ending with a shot of us giggling and smiling at each other. Then let's get a drink and go looking for babes.