“Sorry to hear things aren’t going well in your marriage, Mark.”
“That's an understatement, Perry. My wife is never home anymore. She’s always out shopping.”
“Well, that’s not unusual. Many women like to go shopping.”
“For small arms weaponry?”
“Oh. So what do you want to do? Get a divorce? Look for a woman on the side?”
No, I can't afford either.
“I want a bromance! A close friendship with another man to fill the void.”
“I've heard of bromances. But where do you go to meet another guy to have bromance with?”
“Perry, there are bromance bars all over town! Ben Affleck and Matt Damon just opened a string of them. Sometimes they show “I Love You, Man” on continuous loop.”
“So you're going to frequent bromance bars and hit on guys to have bromance with?”
“Yeah, baby! I'm gonna be out at night cruisin' the bars looking for hot bromance!”
“Well, do you have any idea how to hit on guys in a bromance bar?”
“I think I'll pick out a sensitive looking guy who seems like he'd be swell to discuss the Eagles or Flyers with, and then pitch him a slick line.”
“Something like ‘Where have you been all my life? Shopping at Home Depot?’
“Yeah, or maybe ‘Come here to watch televised sports often?’ or ‘Buy you a drink, tall, dark, and platonic?’"
“So let's say you start connecting with a dude and you're finding you have a lot in common, how do you then ‘move the party’ elsewhere, if you catch my drift?”
“ I think you ask the fella if he wants to go hit some golf balls. Then if all goes well you invite him back to your place for a nightcap and when the timing is right, you pop the question: ‘Would you be my bromance!’"
"I think you'd better wait on that.”
“ You want to make good and sure it's true bromance, not just puppy bromance.”
“Oh, right. Well, I'm off to hit some bromance bars. Care to come with?”
“ Call me old-fashioned, but I’m still looking for romance.”
“But, Mark, just in case …”
“Save me a seat.”