Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Harborside Hero (FF)




"Perry, do something!" my date Janet shouted as the two of us saw a man slip and fall in the harbor where we were having drinks at a waterside cafe.

"Me?  Why me?"  I gasped. "What about everyone else?"

"Do you see anyone else going in?  Help him, for god sakes!”

"But I'm not that good swimmer! I wore a Mae West Jacket until I was 27.  I always get severe water in the ear.  I'm a sinker, not a floater!” 

“But he's floundering!"

“Umm... do you think the water in the harbor is heated?”

“Never mind!  I’ll do it.”

And Janet dove in. Last thing I saw of her, she and the drowning man were having dinner together.

Maybe I’ll just throw myself in the harbor next.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought it might be time for a tale of heroism and bravery featuring me, and ... ahem ... here it is!  Only thing is, the heroism and bravery belongs 100% to Janet, zero to me. 

Well, at least I'm here today to chronicle her valiant story as my entry in this week's Friday Fictioneers' happenings and events.  Further happenings and events as chronicled by the other Fictioneers are available by clicking here.

Hey, stop splashing me!

44 comments:

  1. Too bad he didn't jump in...Janet seems to be a good catch! The dialogue was fun.

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    1. Hey, I may still jump in! I'm just ... um ... still working up the courage. Maybe another drink first .

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  2. Ha.. yes Perry.. forcing a lady into the harbor water, she bound to find a better catch..

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    1. She sure did. And for me, she turned out to be the one that got away.

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  3. I suspect Janet had breast augmentation which helped her and the drowning man stay afloat.

    Your hesitation is understandable. Water is wet, and sometimes cold. This can cause parts of the male anatomy to shrink to the size of a peanut shell, which would lead to embarrassing situation later in the evening and disappointment for poor Janet.

    I think you showed a tremendous amount of self-restraint and bravery by NOT jumping in. After all, who wants a girl who looks like she could win a wet t-shirt contest on Girls Gone Wild. Not Perry Block, that's who.

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    1. That's exactly why I didn't dive in, Russell! For some reason, Janet didn't understand my great sacrifice on her behalf. But the real joke is on that poor slob she saved. I understand she's dragging him into the water every chance she gets while the two of them are in Hawaii.

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    2. This exchange is better than the story !!

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  4. That dialogue was very realistic. Good story!

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    1. Thanks, Francesca. When it comes to my life, it's all too realistic ...

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  5. I can't believe you were with a girl!

    Randy

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    1. I've got to hand it to Randy. He knows how to cut to the chase.

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    2. You made all that up?
      You just broke my heart (if i could find it).

      Randy

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    3. Well, the part about my not saving anyone is true.

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  6. Perhaps a good idea to stay on land. Especially after everything Russell pointed out. Too bad for the "saved" man.

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    1. Yeah, it's a shame for him. She drags him to all those wet t-shirt contests she wins too.

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  7. You can over-think a situation, you know. Maybe a bit more spontaneity might do it for him. Nice one.

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    1. Yes, I spontaneously sat in my seat. I am always ready at a moment's notice to hesitate.

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  8. Very realistic, Perry, I can totally hear the 'hero' of this one and Janet's exasperation too.

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    1. But can you hear the "hero's" whining as well?

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  9. I'm beginning to wonder if the other guy saw your girlfriend and jumped in on purpose. He's probably a good swimmer. So see. He'd have been disappointed if you'd saved him. That make you feel better? :D Hilarious, Perry. :) --- Suzanne

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    1. Somehow that managed to make me feel even more rotten. But you tried, Suzanne!

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  10. Too funny. The damsel in distress turned upside down, too. Not only funny, but clever. I would stand in awe if I wouldn't have to laugh so much.

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    1. Standing in awe and laughing will both work for me!

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  11. She was too manly for you anyway Perry.

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    1. Yes, probably, but I sure could use her if I'm ever drowning.

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  12. And to think it could have been you having drinks with the handsome but clumsy fellow she rescued! Cute story, Perry.

    All my best,
    MG

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    1. Yeah, I bet he would have bought me a nice dinner too! Thanks, MG.

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  13. Dawn is right; I am more manly than you. And so is our other friend, Janet.

    But it definitely is fiction:-))

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    1. Oh yeah. I'll arm wrestle ya! Okay, make that two out of three.

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  14. poor chap! now he's left behind drowning in his tears. :)

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    1. I like that. And I'll have another beer too.

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  15. Everyone appreciates a good rescue or to be rescued. I like your long explanation in the middle of a crisis. Very funny!

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    1. Glad you can see I was only trying to set out the moral dilemnas and not cowering. So few see the distinction.

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  16. Yep, this is vintage Perry. Only you would think of a "heated" harbor, ha.

    I just love reading your humor.

    Mike

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    1. Thank you, Mike. I'll save you any time ... as long as the harbor is heated!

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  17. Perry wasn't there to jump in - he was there to write about it. And he did that like a champion.

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    1. Thanks, Margirene. And he was also there to write up the relationship between Janet and the drowning man. And he did that like an idiot.

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  18. Janet seems like a shady character, best you got rid of her.

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    1. Quite true. And she looked so lousy in that wet T-shirt when she emerged from the harbor with that drowning man!

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  19. Janet might be the hero... but I still think the narrator is better off. Best to manage expectations :)

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  20. Dear Perry, So you can't swim. Well, color me surprised. I figured you were a life guard at the local YMCA during the summers. I think you can make your own floaties to help - you know. Think you would look good also with a Yellow Duck around your middle. Cute! Good story and I think the only way the water in the harbor is going to get heated is if everyone empties their bladder in it at the same time. Well . . . it could happen! Nan :)

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  21. As a wise guy once said "If you love something, let it jump into a lake. If it swims back, it is yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” So maybe it wasn't meant to be.

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