The Misbegotten Right to be Forgotten

   
As many of you know, Google has begun removing certain links from its search results under a European court ruling establishing the so-called "Right to be Forgotten," which requires search engines to remove links that are shown to be outdated and irrelevant.   A very serious matter ....  and one which gives me a really great idea!      

"Hello, is this Google?"

"Yes, sir.  How may I help you?."

"Wow, I can't believe I got through!  I'm a big fan!  You may not believe it, but I use Google almost every day!"

"That's gratifying, sir."

"I want you to know I would never use Bing!  I never even liked Bing Crosby!  You're probably too young to know the name."

"I know it, sir.  Now what can I do for you?"

"I was reading about the Right to be Forgotten law.  There's some posts on my blog I'd like to be forgotten. Very forgotten."

"Well, you have to have a reason under the law, sir, to have search information removed."

"Oh, I do!  I do! I have a very good reason."

"Could you tell me your reason?"

"Sure.  I'm a humor writer and I want Google to stop searching for my blog posts that aren't  funny."

"Excuse me?" 

"I don't want Google to lead anyone to my posts that suck!  I have enough trouble getting readers as it is."

"Sir, you can't just ask us to remove links without justification.  The links must be outdated and irrelevant." 

"You want outdated?   I've got jokes about Tammy Faye Baker!"

"OMG!  What about irrelevant?"

"Irrelevant? What would you call a post that has Mitt Romney singing "Whatever It Is, I'm Against It" or the Lone Ranger hiring a Jewish sidekick named Hyman Silvers?"

"About as irrelevant as humility is to Ben Affleck!  And I agree, sir, every damn  bit as unfunny as you indicated!"

"So where do I file my Right to be Forgotten Petition?"

"You don't. That only applies in Europe, not the U.S."

"Crap!"  

"But, sir, why don't you just delete the unfunny posts?"

"Fraid I can't do that."

"Why?"

"If I only leave the good stuff, my blog will be shorter than Parade Magazine!"

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A Little Help Please?

From time to time somebody online will notify me that he or she is having difficulty posting comments on my Blogger blog, Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute.  And  I believe this is indeed true because other than my posts for the Friday Fictioneers,  I generally get about as many comments on my blog as there are stars in the sky. 

In the middle of the afternoon. 

In Kuala Lumpur.

In monsoon season. 

You perhaps have experienced this strange situation yourself.  You've tried but been unable to drop me a thank you for brightening your boring tedious day in the middle of your otherwise insubstantial and ultimately meaningless yet all-to-brief sojourn on this two-bit half-baked planet.

Well, you're welcome anyway.

Or you've wondered how there could be so few comments on my hilarious posts.  You've pondered: how could Perry Block's non-stop wit and incredible comedic skills not result in multiple congratulatory  plaudits and kudos on every post?!!

I've pondered too.

One possibility could be that Blogger has an endemic problem conveying comments heavily laden with glowing superlatives.  It may be that whenever a commenter clicks Send immediately after typing the words "comedy genius," "side-splittingly," and/or "I'm an attractive female dying to have sex with you, Perry Block," a glitch in the software causes it to freeze up faster than Windows XP when you had a stringent deadline your job depended upon in 2003.

This could well explain why I have never gotten a single message that includes any of the above terminology but frequently receive comments calling me an "idiot" and a "douchebag." Apparently "idiot," "douchebag," and "unfunny loser" are not words that trigger the apparent freeze.

So, may I solicit your assistance in getting to the bottom of this Blogger blogging problem? After all, I've never asked you for anything before (void with whom inapplicable).  So here's what I'd like you to do:

Try to leave a comment on this post.  Please enter the special code that Blogger has provided based on the degree of difficulty you have in leaving your comment. By tabulating the results, Blogger can determine the specific systemic problem in placing comments and make the necessary adjustments.

1) If you experience no difficulty whatsoever in placing your comment, please type in the code:  PHENOMENAL POST!  This means it was phenomenally easy to post your comment.

2) If you have some difficulty placing your comment but are still readily able to do it, please type:  FUNNY POST! This is Blogger code for "it's funny, but I had some trouble getting this comment to post."

3) If you have great difficulty getting your post to send, please type in: STEAMING HOT POST!  Which is Blogger code for "I got all steamed and hot under the collar trying to post my goddamn comment!"  

Got that, folks?  And since it may take Blogger some time to get to the root of the problem, please keep this up for the next six to eight weeks.  Maybe more. Nothing moves fast these days, you know.

Google, which runs Blogger, will thank you.

And you'll be saving me a ton of money with Dr. Kropotkin!

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Its Name is Placebook

Everyone just loves the new Placebook!

In the wake of Weinergate, the newest social network hit the World Wide Web late last night!

Its name is Placebook.  

Placebook provides a forum for participants to exchange candid pictures of very special places they hope other participants will have a strong hankering to visit. Having a keen interest in social media, I decided to take a good hard look at Placebook and see what it's whipped out so far to participants.  I googled Placebook, and with burgeoning excitement I climbed aboard the site and entered it!

Placebook is a bit different from most of the other social media networks you're probably familiar with. On Twitter, you follow other participants.  In Facebook, you friend them. When you're on Placebook, you end them. Some of the folks on Placebook have already ended dozens of other people! 

After some time I was successful in ending three people, all nice fellas who appear to be incarcerated. My new Placebook buddies are already sending me pictures of a few places I can't say I'd ever want to visit, but which at least give me perspective as to why Jewish guys have such a hard time getting chicks. As in Facebook, Placebook has a "poke" feature. Unlike as in Facebook,  in Placebook the concept of having a "poke" feature actually makes sense.

I know what you're thinking.  "I'm already on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.  Why do I need Placebook?" 

Because, my friend, social media literally defines our times.  You don't want to be caught short, dicking around, or labeled a putz.  And ironically those are the names of the three other special features Placebook offers along with poke to those who choose to thrust themselves firmly through its portals.

And I used to think Twitter sounded dirty!

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