Comment Allez-Vous? Pas du Tout!*

It is said that there are only three constants in life:

1) Death,
2) Taxes, except for rich friends of Trump, and
3) That I will get no comments to my posts.

It's true. 

I get comments about as often as the Katherine Heigl Fan Club meets. If you were to look at the end of most of my posts you will  see the big bold words "NO COMMENTS,"  which translated into blog language means "Why are you here, idiot, go read a better blog!""

Meanwhile there are no shortage of humor blogs where each post regularly garners 47 laudatory comments such as:

• Janice, you always tickle my funny bone!
• You're too funny, Osgood!
• Bruce, you are much funnier than that schmuck Perry!

Now  in truth there is something of a problem in posting on Blogger. I'm told that sometimes people type out a post only to have it vanish before their eyes. Sometimes they also receive a small electric shock and/or the song "You Get What You Give" starts playing.  

If so, Blogger's comment function needs an oil, filter, and lube at minimum  .

Even so,  when I was in a Flash Fiction group a year or so ago where members comment on each other's posts, I routinely received dozens of comments. Then again almost all of them were negative, which proves there must be a serious distortion in the system!

I called my friend Russell, one of the few people who does comment on my posts, to get his thoughts.

"Russell, you haven't been commenting lately on my posts."

"I know.  I've been busy working, doing community service ..."

"Yeah, right!  You've probably been busy commenting on Janice's posts that tickle your funny bone!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why aren't you commenting on my stuff?"

"Maybe you haven't been that funny lately.  Your post on The Lighter Side of Double Entry Bookkeeping wasn't exactly a howler."

"But what about some of the recent better ones?"

"What recent better ones?"

"But what about everybody else who reads my posts?"

"Everybody else who reads your posts? 

"Yes."

"Who?"

That Russell, what a kidder! 

I hope.

So what about you, Dear Reader?  I'd love it if you would comment on this post.  C'mon, this very post! 

Please.

Or are you hurrying over to read the latest gem by Osgood?  

Yeah, I know.  It's Too Funny!

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*In French it means "How are you? Not at all." 
 Which doesn't mean anything.  I just thought the words "comment, not at all!" sounded right here.

Be the first to comment on this post.  

Don't worry, you won't have much competition!   

A Little Help Please?

From time to time somebody online will notify me that he or she is having difficulty posting comments on my Blogger blog, Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute.  And  I believe this is indeed true because other than my posts for the Friday Fictioneers,  I generally get about as many comments on my blog as there are stars in the sky. 

In the middle of the afternoon. 

In Kuala Lumpur.

In monsoon season. 

You perhaps have experienced this strange situation yourself.  You've tried but been unable to drop me a thank you for brightening your boring tedious day in the middle of your otherwise insubstantial and ultimately meaningless yet all-to-brief sojourn on this two-bit half-baked planet.

Well, you're welcome anyway.

Or you've wondered how there could be so few comments on my hilarious posts.  You've pondered: how could Perry Block's non-stop wit and incredible comedic skills not result in multiple congratulatory  plaudits and kudos on every post?!!

I've pondered too.

One possibility could be that Blogger has an endemic problem conveying comments heavily laden with glowing superlatives.  It may be that whenever a commenter clicks Send immediately after typing the words "comedy genius," "side-splittingly," and/or "I'm an attractive female dying to have sex with you, Perry Block," a glitch in the software causes it to freeze up faster than Windows XP when you had a stringent deadline your job depended upon in 2003.

This could well explain why I have never gotten a single message that includes any of the above terminology but frequently receive comments calling me an "idiot" and a "douchebag." Apparently "idiot," "douchebag," and "unfunny loser" are not words that trigger the apparent freeze.

So, may I solicit your assistance in getting to the bottom of this Blogger blogging problem? After all, I've never asked you for anything before (void with whom inapplicable).  So here's what I'd like you to do:

Try to leave a comment on this post.  Please enter the special code that Blogger has provided based on the degree of difficulty you have in leaving your comment. By tabulating the results, Blogger can determine the specific systemic problem in placing comments and make the necessary adjustments.

1) If you experience no difficulty whatsoever in placing your comment, please type in the code:  PHENOMENAL POST!  This means it was phenomenally easy to post your comment.

2) If you have some difficulty placing your comment but are still readily able to do it, please type:  FUNNY POST! This is Blogger code for "it's funny, but I had some trouble getting this comment to post."

3) If you have great difficulty getting your post to send, please type in: STEAMING HOT POST!  Which is Blogger code for "I got all steamed and hot under the collar trying to post my goddamn comment!"  

Got that, folks?  And since it may take Blogger some time to get to the root of the problem, please keep this up for the next six to eight weeks.  Maybe more. Nothing moves fast these days, you know.

Google, which runs Blogger, will thank you.

And you'll be saving me a ton of money with Dr. Kropotkin!

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