Ever notice that this post is nowhere
near as funny as it ought to be?
Ever notice how the incessant Tick … Tick … Tick … Tick … Tick… Tick… Tick which serves as the theme to 60 Minutes has gotten to be incredibly annoying after almost 50 years?
Amongst the ticking over the years was a crusty old gentleman (who was no doubt
crusty and old even when he was 27) named Andy Rooney, whose humorous
commentary on a wide range of subjects used
to appear in the final minutes of the show. Sometimes Mr. Rooney began his
commentary with the words "Ever notice?"
For example:
"Ever notice that your morning coffee usually tastes better when you've
gotten a good night's sleep rather than when you've drunken yourself into a
Dean Martin-sized stupor and awakened in Tijuana with a donkey in your
bed?"
In memory of the late Mr. Rooney, I hereby present:
Ever Notice:
* How many people seem to be too young to remember Andy Rooney despite the fact
that he was on 60 Minutes as late as 2011?
* How smart phones seem to be
getting larger these days even though it’s generally the point of technological
advancement that things get smaller and not larger, especially remembering how
in Seinfeld cell phones and mobile
phones used to be almost as large as Jerry’s head?
*That some people are constantly
updating their Facebook photos in spite of the fact that most people get
shittier looking as they get older which must mean that these folks want to be telling
us "Hey, look how
progressively less fuckable I'm getting?"
*That it is obvious that there is no such thing as time travel because no one has ever come back to tell us “Don’t worry, folks, Trump was impeached on March 8, 2018?”
*Everybody you know has kids who
are superb in every respect such that you are constantly hearing “my Bruce graduated
summa cum summa from Hot Shit University where he was editor of the campus
newspaper, captain of the football team, and president of the Students Who Are Smarter Than Einstein Club
and has a job lined up at Google where he’s going to be Head of Everything Important and this summer he’s tutoring children
in a remote village in Gabon in English, math, social studies, and quantum physics,”
and yet we have a culture in the United States such that we’ve elected an ignorant
buffoon as president?
*That David Crosby is getting to
look something like Ben Franklin with a walrus mustache?
*How we Baby Boomers fully
understand and relate to the decades of the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s but you could figuratively throw a blanket over the 80’s, 90’s, 2000s, and 2010s such that if a
younger person says something like “That’s so nineties,” we have no fucking clue what that means?
*That there are so many superhero movies and TV shows any more that it feels like we've been ripped off because we seem to live in a parallel universe where there are no superheroes and couldn't we at least have one superhero in our universe even if he or she has a lousy superpower, like being able to skip really well?
* That anybody who still supports Trump these days is the kind of person who would argue that Curly Joe was the funniest of the Three Stooges?
*How amazing it is that Jennifer Aniston who is not all that young doesn't realize that an iconic song for an entire generation like
"All You Need is Love” does not belong in an eye drop commercial
and that whoever approved her Eye Love commercial must be someone who's too young to remember
Rooney Mara, let along Andy Rooney?
* That the same goes for
"Werewolves of London" which is also being appropriated for some
stupid ass commercial in which it decidedly does not belong?
.
*That actors who
play illness sufferers in drug commercials usually do not appear in other commercials as totally different people who are completely healthy and having a great life because we would feel abused and betrayed that the person we were feeling so sorry for who was
dying from Mishkin’s Disease is now eating Godiva Chocolates in Paris?
* How depressing it is how
many people seem to be too young to remember Andy Rooney despite the fact
that he was on 60 Minutes as late as 2011?
*That TCM is not quite as special
without Robert Osborne, but we'll get over it?
*That when you know a heterosexual couple you usually like him and don’t like her or you like her and don't like him such
that it would almost be refreshing if you hated them both?
*That when you know a homosexual couple you usually like him and don’t like him or you like him and don't like him such that it would almost be refreshing if you hated them both?
*That your morning coffee usually
tastes better when you’ve drunken yourself into a Dean Martin-sized stupor and
awakened in Tijuana with a donkey in your bed rather than having gotten a good
night's sleep?
Ever notice, dear Mr. Rooney, that as entertaining as you were, that last "ever notice?"
You finally got it right!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What’s the matter,
