Friday, December 30, 2011

Time-It Change

What the ....??!!!

What is happening to Time? 

Instead of marching on,  Time now rolls forward like a tank battalion!

All of us are rightly concerned about Climate Change.  But now we are facing yet another dire and devastating threat to the future of the planet.

Time-It Change! 

Under Time-It Change, entire years pass as quickly as a  Hollywood marriage. Turn around and another month has gone by. Hiccup and you've missed the summer. 

Burp and you've missed menopause.

To me it seems that Christmas comes but five times a year, my birthday is a bi-monthly event, and the entire first decade of the 21st Century hardly lasted longer than the run of HBO's "The Comeback" with Lisa Kudrow.

What ever happened to a "solid" hour? The kind of hour that used to last  four and a half hours in Geometry class three times a week in high school?

An hour anymore is barely time to sharpen your pencils.  

On Friday afternoons people are still bidding each other to "have a nice weekend." How can we possibly? There isn't time!  As soon as Friday dinner is over and the dishes are cleared away, on comes 60 Minutes  (which feels like six minutes), bedtime, and Monday morning.

Time flies? Not anymore. 

Today Time Facebooks!

But why aren't the world's scientists focusing right now on stopping Time-It Change? Why aren't they working day and night (which no longer lasts as long as day) to get Time back into proper gear? 

I'm aging uncontrollably this very split-hour!

Or do you think Time just seems to move faster because we're older?  Like the grown-ups said it would back we were impatiently awaiting our driver's license, senior prom, or 21st birthday?

There's only one thing to do?

Gab hold of each moment and make it last.

Happy 2012, Everybody!    

Ooops, it's gone!


Lexi said...

Horribly plausible theory, Perry.

But for a pragmatic solution, read on. Geometry, pah! I once borrowed a neighbour's exercise bike and that slows time right down. I cycled for twenty minutes, yet spookily, according to my watch, only three minutes had passed! If I'd just been able to make myself stay on the darned thing instead of handing it back swiftly as surplus to requirements I'd be out clubbing tonight rather than typing this...

Perry Block said...

Well, Lexi, I'm sorry you were stuck typing this instead of clubbing.

However, had you been out clubbing and enjoying yourself, time would have gone quickly as opposed to when corresponding with me, which slows down time in a manner to put Geometry and exercise to shame.

I understand that becoming rich also slows time considerably so I look forward to your having a very slow, laid-back, and ambling 2012. Enjoy it!