"Ever Notice?" or a Tribute of Sorts to Andy Rooney

Ever notice that this post is nowhere

 near as funny as it ought to be?

Ever notice how the incessant Tick … Tick … Tick … Tick … Tick… Tick… Tick which serves as the theme to 60 Minutes has gotten to be incredibly annoying after almost 50 years?

Amongst the ticking over the years was a crusty old gentleman (who was no doubt crusty and old even when he was 27) named Andy Rooney, whose humorous commentary on a wide range of subjects  used to appear in the final minutes of the show. Sometimes Mr. Rooney began his commentary with the words "Ever notice?"  

For example: 

"Ever notice that your morning coffee usually tastes better when you've gotten a good night's sleep rather than when you've drunken yourself into a  Dean Martin-sized stupor and awakened in Tijuana with a donkey in your bed?"

In memory of the late Mr. Rooney, I hereby present: 

Ever Notice:

* How many people seem to be too young to remember Andy Rooney despite the fact that he was on 60 Minutes as late as 2011?   

* How smart phones seem to be getting larger these days even though it’s generally the point of technological advancement that things get smaller and not larger, especially remembering how in Seinfeld cell phones and mobile phones used to be almost as large as Jerry’s head?

 

*That some people are constantly updating their Facebook photos in spite of the fact that most people get shittier looking as they get older which must mean that these folks want to be telling us "Hey, look how progressively less fuckable I'm getting?"

*That it is obvious that there is no such thing as time travel because no one has ever come back to tell us “Don’t worry, folks, Trump was impeached on March 8, 2018?”

*Everybody you know has kids who are superb in every respect such that you are constantly hearing “my Bruce graduated summa cum summa from Hot Shit University where he was editor of the campus newspaper, captain of the football team, and president of the Students Who Are Smarter Than Einstein Club and has a job lined up at Google where he’s going to be Head of Everything Important and this summer he’s tutoring children in a remote village in Gabon in English, math, social studies, and quantum physics,” and yet we have a culture in the United States such that we’ve elected an ignorant buffoon as president?

*That David Crosby is getting to look something like Ben Franklin with a walrus mustache?

*How we Baby Boomers fully understand and relate to the decades of the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s but you could figuratively throw a blanket over the 80’s, 90’s, 2000s, and 2010s such that if a younger person says something like “That’s so nineties,”  we have no fucking clue what that means?

*That there are so many superhero movies and TV shows any more that it feels like we've been ripped off because we seem to live in a parallel universe where there are no superheroes and couldn't we at least have one superhero in our universe even if he or she has a lousy superpower, like being able to skip really well?

* That anybody who still supports Trump these days is the kind of person who would argue that Curly Joe was the funniest of the Three Stooges?

*How amazing it is that Jennifer Aniston who is not all that young doesn't realize that an iconic song for an entire generation like "All You Need is Love” does not belong in an eye drop commercial and that whoever approved her Eye Love commercial must be someone who's too young to remember Rooney Mara, let along Andy Rooney?

* That the same goes for "Werewolves of London" which is also being appropriated for some stupid ass commercial in which it decidedly does not belong?

.

*That actors who play illness sufferers in drug commercials usually do not appear in other commercials as totally different people who are completely healthy and having a great life because we would feel abused and betrayed that the person we were feeling so sorry for who was dying from Mishkin’s Disease is now eating Godiva Chocolates in Paris? 

* How depressing it is how many people seem to be too young to remember Andy Rooney despite the fact that he was on 60 Minutes as late as 2011?

*That TCM is not quite as special without Robert Osborne, but we'll get over it?

*That when you know a heterosexual couple you usually like him and don’t like her or you like her and don't like him such that it would almost be refreshing if you hated them both?

*That when you know a homosexual couple you usually like him and don’t like him or you like him and don't like him such that it would almost be refreshing if you hated them both?

*That your morning coffee usually tastes better when you’ve drunken yourself into a Dean Martin-sized stupor and awakened in Tijuana with a donkey in your bed rather than having gotten a good night's sleep?

Ever notice, dear Mr. Rooney, that as entertaining as you were, that last "ever notice?" 

You finally got it right!

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Turner Classic Geezers

In Remembrance of the Great Robert Osborne 

Indeed I do love me my Turner Classic Movies (TCM)!

The great and even not-so-great films of the 30's, 40's, and early 50's speak to me in a language I can understand better than that of current film, especially since it's a language in which the actors' mouths are generally more full of bon mots than the genitalia and pubic hairs they are today.

And AHHHH!, the great actors of the period!  Harry Davenport, Edward Everett Horton,  Henry Stephenson, Guy Kibbee,  Jonathan Hale,  Henry O' Neill,  and so many, many more.   You know the names.

Nah, probably you don't!

I'm talking, of course, about the character actors, the folks you see all the time but usually see right through whenever you see them. These are the performers who typically played bosses, judges, doctors, politicians, and even passersby who give a lift to a hitch-hiking Bogart, help a fainting Ann Sheridan off the sidewalk and onto her feet,  or tell Ronald Reagan to get the hell out of the way, who does he think he is, the President of the United States?!!! 

We'll call these folk Turner Classic Geezers.

Funny thing about the movies of the 30's, 40's, and early 50's; any role for a character conceived of as sophisticated, accomplished, or even in minor authority had to be filled by an actor who was: 

1) white
2) male, and 
3) gray haired or balding, wearing a felt hat and often a double-breasted suit, and over 50 years old,  if not 60!  

Sure, the stars of these films are young.  But just look around at everyone else.  It's as if some cataclysmic disaster has destroyed everyone on earth under the age of 30 except Ray Milland and Ida Lupino! 

It was quite a different society back then.  Not only wasn't it a felony to be over 50,  it was thought that while younger people had all the fun, it was the oldsters who did all the heavy lifting. Other than the male character who's the love interest, even the most devoted film fan would be hard-pressed to find the professor, bank president, or Ambassador from the Court of St. James who wasn't a Turner Classic Geezer.

Imagine Clark Gable and Myrna Loy as two reporters in a 1930's movie going to visit the world's most renowned expert on economic development in South America.   Think that role is going to be played by Jean Harlow?

Nope, expect a Turner Classic Geezer. 

Now let's flick on HBO and catch the remake of the above movie starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway and have a bit of fun.  In place of the young actor actually playing the South American expert, let's drop in a Turner Classic Geezer, someone like Henry Stephenson,  and ....  3, 2, 1, ACTION: 

Gyllenhaal: It's a pleasure to meet you, Professor.... What!!!?? There must be some mistake!  You don't have big boobs!

Hathaway: Why, Jake, even my smallish but well-exposed tits are larger!

Stephenson: Well you see, my young friends, I'm a man.   A man who's studied economic growth in this part of the world for over 40 years.

Gyllenhaal: But that would make you as old as my dad!  And my dad's too old to be in home movies!

 Of course much I as like these great older actors,  stereotypes of the time had their ill effects. Not only did they keep a diversity of character actors who were younger, female, of color, or Asian or other non-white nationality from finding work unless the role being cast called for a stereotype, they also played a role in helping to impede progress toward equality in society at large.

However,  those multiple limitations of the past have now given way to one great big fat limitation of the present.  These days an actor can be any flavor of the rainbow and still be readily hired as long as he or she ain't wearing a felt hat, a double-breasted suit, or a wrinkle or two below the eyes. 

So, it's with a fondness that's only slightly guilty that I flick on the good old geezers of days gone by.  Thank you for bringing 'em back, TCM.

"And for Turner Classic Geezers, I'm Robert Osborne!"  (RIP)

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Top to Bottom above ---  Got 'em all?  They're  Harry Davenport,  Edward Everett Horton,  Jean Harlow,  Henry Stephenson,  and Guy Kibbee.   If you didn't even get Jean Harlow, you don't deserve Turner Classic Movies!