I've been doing this too damn long!
BREAKING NEWS!
And we have Breaking News! We welcome our viewers in the United States and around the world, you're in the Situation Room!
At this point I would normally mention my name "Wolf Blitzer" but I've been informed by Jeff Zucker that if I'm going to be kept on at CNN despite my advanced age I've got to comply with the youth demographic and begin calling myself "Cub Blitzer."
So, this is Cub Blitzer with Breaking News!
We have been reporting lately on a meeting held at Trump Tower on June 9th between four people - Donald Trump Jr., Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort, and Russian attorney Natalia Veselnitskaya, who promised information from the Russian government harmful to Hillary Clinton.
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We subsequently learned that there were at least eight people in the meeting on June 9th at Trump Tower. In addition to Trump Jr., Kushner, Manafort, and Veselnitskaya, also in attendance were publicist Rob Goldstone, lobbyist Rinat Akhmetshin, a unnamed representative of the Russian family sponsoring the meeting, and a translator.
Now a reliable source close to CNN has reported that there were even more people in attendance at the meeting!
We have now learned that there were at least ten people in the meeting on June 9th at Trump Towers. In addition to Trump Jr., Kushner, Manafort, Veselnitskaya, Akhmetshin, Goldstone, the family representative, and the translator, also in attendance were two members of the Bolshoi Ballet, Katerina Legsamovich and Boris Protrudickski.
It is not known if Legsamovich and Protrudickski danced at the meeting, but CNN has learned that they both looked quite fetching in their tight ballet pants.
MORE BREAKING NEWS!
This is Cub Blitzer with More Breaking News!
It is not known if the Ivan the Dancing Bear danced at the meeting, but CNN has learned that he looked quite fetching in his tight ballet pants.
EVEN MORE BREAKING NEWS!
This is Cub Blitzer with Even More Breaking News!
We have now learned that there were at least 18 people and one animal in the meeting on June 9th in Trump Towers. In addition to Trump Jr., Kushner, Manafort, Veselnitskaya, Akhmetshin, Goldstone, the family representative, the translator, Legsamovich, Protrudickski, Krupskaya, Chekinski, Sparkles, and Ivan the Dancing Bear, also in attendance were right wing actor Kelsey Grammer and all four of his wives and ex-wives.
It is not known if Grammer's ex-wife Leigh-Anne Csuhany, a former exotic dancer, danced at the meeting, but CNN has learned that she looking incredibly fetching in her tight ballet pants!!!
This is amazing, folks! How many more people can fit in a meeting room? This whole thing is getting to be like the Marx Brothers movie where a ridiculous number of people crowd into a state room!
This is Cub Blitzer with Breaking News Up Your Tuchas!
We have now learned that there were at least 22 people and one animal in the meeting on June 9th in Trump Towers. In addition to Trump Jr., Kushner, Manafort, Veselnitskaya, Akhmetshin, Goldstone, the family representative, the translator, Legsamovich, Protrudickski, Krupskaya, Chekinski, Sparkles, Ivan the Dancing Bear, and Kelsey Grammer and all four of his wives and ex-wives, also in attendance were the four Marx Brothers.
It is known that none of the Marx Brothers danced at the meeting, and nobody looked fetching, not even Zeppo.
This is Cub Blitzer with A Fucking Shitload of Breaking News!
I am worn out.
We have now learned that there were at least 270 people and one animal in the meeting on June 9th in Trump Towers. In addition to Trump Jr., Kushner, Manafort, Veselnitskaya, Akhmetshin, Goldstone, the family representative, the translator, Legsamovich, Protrudickski, Krupskaya, Chekinski, Sparkles, Ivan the Dancing Bear, Kelsey Grammer and all four of his wives and ex-wives, and the four Marx Brothers, also in attendance were all 248 Republicans in the House of Representatives.
It is not known whether any of the Republicans danced at the meeting, but CNN has learned they all looked absolutely ridiculous in their tight ballet pants.
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Ivan, will you testify in exchange for immunity?
2 comments:
Thank you, Cub Block, for sparing us from a photo of you in your ballet pants.
For now. Soon you're going to see me in my alter ego as Boris Protrudickski!
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