Saturday, July 15, 2017

The Man - Trumpian Candidate

Been reminded lately of a great movie we've all seen called The Manchurian Candidate?

Thought so.

Starring Frank Sinatra and Laurence Harvey, The Manchurian Candidate tells a tale in which the Russians plant a clueless operative in the United States to destroy democracy. Just like in real life, starring Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, except here the Russians have planted an idiotically clueless operative in the United States to destroy democracy.  

All that’s missing is Angela Lansbury.

Until now.

“You can’t deny me entrance to the Oval Office!  I’m Mrs. Johnny Iselin, Raymond’s, I mean Donald’s mother.”

“But, Mrs. Iselin, President Trump is very busy …”

“Nonsense, you idiot!  He’s probably busy salivating over that tart Brooke Baldwin on fake news channel CNN!”

“Why, Mother!  What a pleasant surprise!”

“Why, this is a pleasant surprise, Raymond, I mean, Donald!  I thought you were masturbating to fake news, but you’re with your Vladimir Putin blow-up doll. Good!”

“Mother, why must you always put me down?”

"Because you're a stupid, ignorant, boorish, disgusting, narcissistic clown! In a good way. And perfect for manipulation by our Russian handlers."

"Chelsea Handler?"

"Did I mention stupid?" 

"Why are you here, Mother?"

"Because it's time to play a little cards, Raymond, I mean Donald."


"Because you've developed a fantasy I must eradicate before it destroys our plans to destroy America."

"Okay. Solitaire, mother?"

"Heavens no, Donald, you're way too dumb to understand the rules to Solitaire. We're playing Old Maid."

"Okay, deal!  Shit, I got the Old Maid again! And she's so ugly she makes comedy writer Bruce Vilanch look like Scarlett Johansson!"

"Now listen to me, Donald: you will forget this recent fantasy of yours and concentrate on turning America into the Borscht Capital of the World!"

"Whatever you want, Mother. I'll do your bidding ... on The New Price is Right!   Goodbye, Mother."

"Hey, kid!  Hey, 71 year old, kid!  I saw your mother just leaving. I need to talk to you now."

"Why, it's Frank Sinatra, playing Captain Bennett Marco!  Doo Be Doo Be Doo, Frank!

"Oh, man!  Did somebody mention stupid?"

"What do you want to talk about, Frank?" 

"Let's play a little cards, kid."

"As long as it doesn't require reading."

"Look at the cards, Raymond ... I mean, Donald: 52 ugly old maids. They make comedy writer Bruce Vilanch look like Scarlett Johansson. And each one of these old maids is telling you "you grab my pussy, you'll get a knitting needle up your ass.’ 

They're also telling you it’s over!  The links are smashed. Which is a shame because I felt like playing golf tomorrow!" 

"Why, Frank, I see it all clearly now!  I will resign tomorrow!" 

"Good, kid, good!"

"And I will resign in a manner that the world has never seen before! How great will I resign? We'll see."

"I'll say it again: Did somebody mention stupid?" 

“And I will turn the White House over to Crooked Hillary, who’ll have half a dozen scandals of her own before I've even packed up all my pictures of myself. Of course everyone agrees my scandals are far better." 

“Okay, kid, just great! Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to go suck up to future president Ronald Reagan.”

“But, Frank, there’s one condition. You gotta help me realize a fantasy that, well, only you can help with."

"Anything, kid!" 

"I wanna hang with the Rat Pack."



Anonymous said...

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perfect!

Perry Block said...

I appreciate that, Raymond, I mean Donald! And thank Angela Lansbury for mesmerizing you with Old Maid to say that.

Russell Gayer said...

Ah, Angela Lansbury, one of your fantasy girls. You're drooling almost as much as you did over Florence Henderson.

I don't think Donald wants to play Old Maid. He wants to play War with that little snot from North Korea.

Perry Block said...

Probably true. Which leaves us with the Old Maid, who makes comedy writer Bruce Vilanch look like Scarlett Johansson. No wonder I'm drooling over Angela Lansbury!