Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Namaste, Dudes II!

Ain't Yoga Grand?

Namaste, dudes!

I've been practicing yoga for about a year now which means in yoga parlance I've being going to my mat for about a year.

I'm taking yoga in an attempt to stem the tide of scoliosis which has rendered my spine so curvy it looks like the piping under your kitchen sink. All that's missing is a garbage disposal.

What do I do when I go to my mat besides chant Ommmm?  

Here's three poses I'll pose foryou:

Child's Pose - One look at this pose and you know it was developed at a time when not only were children supposed to be seen but not heard, they were also expected to get dinner by licking up crumbs in the carpet fibers. Provides a nice stretch though.
Downward Facing Dog - With your butt high aloft in the shape of a "V," you emulate a position dogs often assume. If your dog tends to emulate you, assume you'll have puppies 3-5 times per year.

Warrior I and II- Powerful  and dynamic, this pose is labeled I or II depending upon whether the left or right side leads. But I don't know about a pose called "Warrior" for a Jewish guy from the suburbs. Maybe call them Attorney I and II?

Although yoga may or may not ultimately address the deconstruction of my spine, I do often feel like I stand up straighter and more confidently after going to the mat than before.

 One day leaving yoga I was feeling as erect as any man since HomoErectus first stood erect, so I stopped into a neighboring watering hole. There I spied an attractive woman in my general demographic, meaning a woman on the far side of 50 and the low side of Cloris Leachman. 

Having just been to my mat, I decided to go to the mat.
“Hi, okay to sit here?'" I asked. "My name is Perry."
"Sure, I'm Cheryl, nice to meet you," she replied brightly.
And it seemed then that the combined and collected wisdom and enlightenment of the mystical East were gently whispering into my ear:
“You may have a shot here, Perry.  Don’t blow it!”
"Do you know, Perry, that you have nice blue eyes," said Cheryl.
 Hmm. Must be the Warrior I. Or the Warrior II.

"Know what else?  Nice long eyelashes."
Then wait ‘til you see my Downward Facing Dog!  

"You do seem like a nice guy." 
Okay, Perry, let’s go to the mat about going to my mat!

"Too bad you’ve got the worst posture I’ve seen since Quasimodo! Maybe you should try Pilates?”
Ommmmmmmm … Shit! 
"Bye now, Perry.  Hope you can take care of your problem.”
 I guess I'll go too.

Go home, go to my mat, and practice Attorney 1 and 2.

Namaste, dudes!



Russell Gayer said...

There for a minute I thought you were going to become the Richard Simmons of yoga (at least in Philadelphia). You'd look 10 years younger with a Harpo Marx hairdo and top hat.

I can't believe Cheryl dumped you for a guy 20 years younger. Especially with all your experience going to the mat.

Perry Block said...

Of course this story is highly fictionalized for comedic effect with respect to Cheryl. In actuality ... there was no Cheryl. There was downward facing dog, though. Lots of downward facing dog.