Malveo, the Social Network for Arch Villains

Malveo

The Social Network for Arch Villains

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Lex Luther 
Woot!  I am not a morning villain!  Up half the night trying to think of a way to kill Superman. Any suggestions?  

Ernst Stavro Blofeld    How about constructing a giant Kryptonite Ray? Ever tried that?

Lex Luther     Only about 50 billion times, asshole!  How about something original?

Ernst Stavro Blofeld     Well, I haven't had my coffee yet .... Wait, I know! Kidnap Lois Lane and don't let  her go until Superman does your bidding!

Lex Luther  Jesus H. Christ! No wonder James Bond is still alive after 50 years and 25  pictures!

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Khan
Fuck George Takei!

James T. Kirk    KHAAAAAAN!   KHAAAAAAN!

                        

Khan How did you get in here, Shatner?

                  

George Takei  You should know by now, Khan.  He's everywhere!

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Ernst Stavro Blofeld

              My little tabby Ernestine posing with Roger Moore as James Bond just               before he single-handedly destroyed the fourth or fifth of my nuclear                 facilities geared to take over the world.  Isn't she a cutey-wootey! 

Emperor Palpatine    What an adorable doll-baby!

Lex Luther    Love her to death!

Voldemort  Personally I've always felt Moore was a bit too jovial & light weight in the  role; Connery was the quintessential Bond.  But what a cutikins!

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Emperor Palpatine
Woo Hoo!   I  Breaking Bad!

                                                  --------------------------------------------------------                           

Bane  

In retrospect, do you think maybe I should have left a guard in that Middle Eastern prison to watch Bruce Wayne?

Professor Moriarty   No shit, Sherlock.

Voldemort   Ya  think?

Emperor Palpatine  Woo Hoo!   I  Honey Boo-Boo!       

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Richard III
Now is the Winter of our Discontent at these further changes to Malveo! Hate, hate, hate all the ads on right side of the screen! And I already have myself a chiropractor, thank you!

Lex Luther Damn straight, Dick!   If I wanted to be on Satanist Mingle or Slay Date, I'd be there already!

Richard III   Don't call me Dick.   I'm not that evil.

                 

Bane  Personally I like the ads.  Where else can you find a maniac-friendly hotel in Gotham City? 

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Professor Moriarty
Anybody got a good recipe for guacamole dip?


                          
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James T. Kirk    

 KHAAAAAAN!  KHAAAAAAN!

George Takei   Like I said. Fucking everywhere.

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Introducing: The Cream of Wheat!

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Yes, folks, it's ... 

The CREAM OF WHEAT!

Get Ready to 

Take Your Lumps!

           

           

         Welcome to my brand new highly original laugh-a-second web comic which is in no way whatsoever a blatant and shameful rip-off of a hilarious and far better in every respect web comic known as 

if you've ever even heard of it (hush...hush)

I decided to start me one of these web comics when I read in Time Magazine that Matthew Inman, who writes and draws The Oatmeal,  has THIS many followers

Whereas my Humor Blog 

has THIS many followers

... and you can see where he thinks is the most fit place to read it. 

######

This is Matthew Inman.

And this is me. 

Nobody had to send me a message in a bottle to tell me what to do!

Although I did get  a message in a bottle from some annoying guy named Robinson Crusoe, but I'm way too busy starting my own web comic to pay any attention to such nonsense!

So ...starting here, starting now

The CREAM OF WHEAT

will take on 

AND WE WILL EAT ITS LUNCH!

... or breakfast, as the case may be.

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How You Know
 When Your Dog Is 
GAY.



Gets along well with the cat.

  In fact, has sometimes Gone Antiquing with him.

Rhinestone Poop Bag

L-L-L-L-L-L-O-O-O-VES 

JUDY!

Won't chase a ball unless you throw
two of them.



AND

Quite Simply, Ground Zero.




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ARE YOU RELATED TO   
RICHARD III?

Take this handy micro-quiz to determine if your DNA matches that of the warped, twisted hunchback! 

1) Who or what is Bosworth?

 a) the gravelly voiced actor from Charlie's Angels

b) Actress Kate, haven't seen her in much lately

c) The gravelly voiced actor from Happy Days

d) A Field. Not of Dreams. Or of gravel. (Not yet anyway)

2) Finish this quote: "A horse!  A horse! ...

 a)   "Of course!  Of course!"

b) "I love you, Sarah Jessica!"

c) "I love you!" .... Catherine the Great

d) "My kingdom for a horse!  It's a shitty deal, I know."

Answer: You have absolutely no chance whatsoever of being related to Richard III.

Or to anybody royal or important. 

Now go back to your damn cubicle! 

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If People were Encased in

 CHOCOLATE

Ben Franklin

So THAT, Dr. Franklin, is how a short, bald, dumpy guy like you was able to load up on the babes?

George Bush

   Elected two terms. Served 8 years. Had to be the reason! Had to be. 

Bruce Wayne

How do I know you're Batman, Mr. Wayne? How do I know you're Batman?!  Why ... you've exactly the same rich chocolate coating and delicious nougat center!!!

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Please come back and visit us again soon.

The CREAM OF WHEAT

Instant Laughs, Guaranteed!

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[And that's your first issue of the Cream of Wheat, folks!  Whaddya think?

What?!!  You're lawyers for Matthew Inman, and you're serving me?!! 

Oh.  With Oatmeal.  Ha, ha, that is funny!

You win. ]

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If you liked  this post, you might also like Oh, the Lame Places You'll Go, The Next Dark Knight Rising, and Why Aging Sucks.

If you hated this post,  well,  I'm afraid there's not much that medical science can do for you ....