Sunday, November 4, 2012

Walt Disney Pictures Presents

Episodes 7 - ?

A not-so-long time ago
in a multi-plex not so far away,
 George Lukas dusted off his entertaining though light weight 
trilogy of science fiction movies known as "Star Wars" and created 
a wholly unnecessary self-aggrandizing trilogy of mostly boring and overwrought sequels known as "Jar-Jar Binks?  Really?" At that point it all  should have rested.  BUT NO!  The Walt Disney Company, also never content to let a good thing go until it has to be carried out flat on its back gasping for breath, has purchased the franchise and now not- so- proudly but profitably presents:

Star Bores
Chapter Seven:
The Cash Register Strikes Back

Your New Disney Cast

Luke Skywalker

is now

Duck Skywalker

Princess Leia Organa 

is now

Disney Princesses' 
Tag Team

Han Solo

is still 

Han Solo
  'cause considering that Star Bores' viewing audience is mostly geeks pent up alone in their bedrooms reading  comic books and sniffing airplane glue, you just couldn't pick a better character name ...  

Obi-Wan Kenobi

is now 

Dopey-Wan Kenobi 

C-3PO and R2-D2 

are now

C-SmeePO and R2-Pluto


is now



Darth Vader

is now

Darth  Goofy

Chapter Seven:
The Cash Register Strikes Back
(a preview)

Scene 1 - Duck Skywalker is being trained in the art of fighting with light sabres by his new Jedi master, Dopey-Wan Kenobi.

Dopey-Wan:   Duck, concentrate!  Feel the Force within you!

Duck I am feeling the Force, very deeply!  BTW,  when is Snow White coming over, got any idea, huh, huh, HUH?

Dopey-Wan: Not that Force!

Duck:  What do you want, I'm a 17 year old kid living on the planet Tatooine!

Just then, a projection of a young woman emanates from R2-Pluto. 

Projection:  Help me, Dopey-Wan!

Duck:  Why it's a Disney Princess!  think it's  Jasmine.

Projection:  Help me, Dopey-Wan!

Duck:   Now it's changed, now it's Cinderella!  What's going on here, Dopey-Wan?

Dopey-Wan:  Remind me to train you in the ways of Marketing next, Duck Skywalker!


Scene 2 - Luke and Dopey-Wan (together with C-SmeePO and R2-Pluto) enter an alien bar attempting to book passage for the planet Alderaan. 

Duck:  OMG, look at this awful place!

C-SmeePO: Yes, Master Duck,  I haven't seen so many freakish, mutant-like, disreputable characters since the last time I attended a party at Donald Trump's house.

Dopey-Wan: We'd like to hire you to take us to Alderaan, Captain.  What is your name?

Han Solo  I'm Han Solo. This is  my partner, LeFouBacca.

Duck:  Wait a minute!  Han Solo? Your name is the same as my favorite hobby? 

Han Solo:  That's right, kid.  Disney always knows what it's doing.  Right, Fouey?

Le Fou:  Yes, Gaston!  I mean, Han. 


Scene 3 - Duck Skywalker and Darth Goofy engage in a fierce battle with light sabres.

Darth Goofy:  Fine move!  Very impressive.

Duck:  That's nothing; you should see me drink milk and spit it out my duck bill.


Duck:  You're my father?!!!  But I thought my father was...

Darth Goofy: Frozen?  Not anymore!  Not when I  hear there's a good buck to be made!

Duck:  So you are ... you are ...

Darth Goofy:  I am Walt Disney, your father!  And father of Star Wars,  Disney World,  ABC,  ESPN,  Good Morning America (talk about Goofy!) and  just about everyone and everything else! 

I Am YOUR Father Too, Reader! 
 Pay Me!

Walt "Anakin" Disney

Coming soon:                                    
Star Bores
Chapter Eight:
The Return of the Shut Eye 


Lexi said...

It's just a matter of time, Perry, until Disney tracks you down and makes you wish you'd never been born...

Perry Block said...


I already feel that way.

What more can Disney do to me?

The election is tomorrow. After which you and I can begin communicating on the same wavelength again.

Lexi said...

Just as long as you stay off the subject of sport...