Friday, November 2, 2012

Fly Like An Elmo

Once again it's Friday and time for Ultimate Flash Fiction under the guidance, stewardship, and benevolent dictatorship of Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.

As for me, this is chance to show off my very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career, one of which is clearly not bringing in these babies at 100 words or less as is the time-honored custom. 

The prompt above suggest the story below. 

Ready, folks?

It's time to fly like an Elmo! 


The sights and sounds of the county fair had little Ted's senses reeling, and Bert Allen, his dad, was only too happy to indulge his precious son's every whim.

But toys that fly?

"Course they do, high as an eagle!" said the Carny. "Wanna see?"

The Carny produced  three toys - a  Barbie doll, a Ken, and a Tickle Me Elmo.  He asked Bert and Ted to select one.

"Do you have a  GI Joe, mister?" asked Ted. 

"Sorry, sonny, that one's in the back," said the Carny.  "Got some smoke damage, covered with soot.  Pick one of these three."

Ted pointed to Elmo, and the Carny plucked up the venerable Muppet and flicked the "on" switch on the back of his head.

Elmo sputtered and shook, but didn't take flight.

"Sorry, boys and girls, takes him a minute or two to warm up!  Why don't ya get some food or something and come right back?" 

Bert and Ted set off to do just that,  but all any of the vendors had were soft pretzels best fit for hammering rail spikes and popcorn left over from last New Year's Eve.

When they returned, Elmo was nowhere to be seen.

"Where'd he go?" asked Ted.

"Just went up," said the Carny. "Gonna take me some time to bring him back down." 

"What kind of a deal is this?!"  exploded Bert.  "The one you want is blacked out,  you have to wait for it to go up, you have to wait for it to come down, and there isn't a goddamn thing to eat!"

"Whaddya expect, buddy?"  replied  the Carney.  "Haven't you flown anywhere lately?"



Sandra Crook said...

And if you flew Ryanair you'd probably have to pay to use the toilet in the interim... Nice one Perry, made me grin.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Sandra!

I have no intention of flying RyanAir unless the other passengers make me ...

Anne Orchard said...

Sheesh, sounds like he went to the budget carnival! Very clever Perry.

Perry Block said...

Too bad it's the only carnival that comes to their city. Southwest Carnivals just doesn't go there.

Thanks, Anne!

Russell said...

Where's Big Bird? I bet the carnie stuck a rocket up his rear and he is now orbiting that far flung planet on the outer edge of our solar system.

I'm glad Rochelle (and Ted) took us to the fair this week. Maybe they'll take us on a Carnival Cruise soon. That would be fun!

Bjorn said...

Wonderful connection to the low cost travel. I guess it's a FAIR price

Anonymous said...

Hi Perry,
Bad food, lots of ups and downs, excellent description of air travel. I mistyped my link in the list. Here's the real deal: Ron

Anonymous said...

Oh, VERY nice, Perry. Don't bite down on that tongue while it's in your cheek. :-)

Douglas MacIlroy said...

Dear Perry,

Your well crafted post had the perfect lead up to the punchline. That is hard to do and you are proving to be a master at it. Now, about that word limit...

Aloha with a smile.


Rochelle Wisoff-Fields said...

Hi Perry,
Benevolent dictator????? Wow...if that's the case, you get 20 lashes for word count infraction. Okay...make that 10. I'll reduce your sentence for great story content.
As for food on a flight. I once bought a hamburger on a long flight. Five bucks for a dehydrated, warmed over...well you get the idea.

Perry Block said...

Yes, Russell, the Carny stuck a rocket up Big Bird's rear but it didn't go into outer space, and now the Carny and Big Bird are up for charges. Guess the GOP was right to be concerned about the big yellow guy.

A Carnival Cruise would be great but I'm racked with indecision as to whether to take a 3,6,or 8 day Carnival Cruise. I realize I'm dating myself with that one.

Thanks for writing!

Anonymous said...

Funny and fits too many places to mention.

Perry Block said...

I can't argue with that one, good line!

Thanks for writing.

Perry Block said...


It takes me more than 100 words to cough, but I'll try to work on it. Unfortunately your story has me so depressed I'm just going to stay in bed the rest of the day!

Thanks for commenting.

Perry Block said...

Have struggled so long to find your link that Johnny and Jill are already eaten!

I need to get away but the flight I wanted has smoke damage ...

Perry Block said...

Ouch, already did!

I need me a bit of time travel to feel better. Where can I find it at this carnival?

Perry Block said...


I'll try next time to shorten it a bit, even if I have to leave out the Burt Lancaster/Deborah Kerr love scene I've been planning. Thanks for being benevolent in the meantime, and ...

thanks for writing!

Perry Block said...

Glad you liked, just don't make me into a voodoo doll!

Anonymous said...

Good one! I liked the kid.

Perry Block said...

Thanks, Ted. I kind of like him too and I hope he won't be too disappointed, especially when the movie sucks.

Nice photo prompt, thank you!

Unknown said...

This is so cleverly done. I like much. Thanks so much for stopping by mine

Perry Block said...

Stopping by yours? I flew over to yours!

That's what took me so long.

Anonymous said...

Oh my! Is that the kind of service I have to look forward to next week when I set out for the airport? I sure hope it's something better than a rocket up the butt. LOL! I'll be sure to bring my own food. Thanks for the very entertaining story. :D

Shirley said...

That's cute. I don't fly, but I've heard the stories.

Perry Block said...

Shirley, I'll send Elmo over as soon as we can bring him back down.

Thanks for writing!