It's a Quarter to Three ...

It's a quarter to three,  and there's no one in the place except you and me.  So set 'em up,  Joe ....

Joe: Okay, fellas, it's almost time to close up.  One more  for the road?

General Petraeus:  Sure, Joe.  Gimme a double scotch and pour another bourbon for my diminutive friend here.

Joe: Y'know, I never would have figured you for a scotch drinker, General.

General Petraeus:  Sure am, Joe.  Paula and I used to pound down the scotch until she'd go "Ready for that drone strike, General! Here's your coordinates!"

Joe: And you, young man, of all things --- a bourbon drinker!

Elmo:  Oh my yes,  Joseph!  Elmo been guzzling bourbon ever since Elmo start trolling gay bars in the Village back in the Seventies.  Elmo l0oooove sucking down the bourbon! 

Joe: Well,  glad you two found each other.  Shame what happened to you guys.

General Petraeus: I just can't believe it, Joe!  One day I'm running the entire Central Intelligence Agency, next day I can't get a call back from George Lazenby!

Elmo: You think that's bad, General?  Elmo called every homophobic name in the book by Bill Moyers!

General Petraeus: Say, Elmo, I need a job.  Think there's a place for an old military man on Sesame Street? 

Fade Out to >>>>>> 

[Sesame Street Theme Plays]

Big Bird:  Maria!  Luis!  

Maria: What is it, Big Bird?

Big Bird: Here comes General Dave.

Big Bird, Maria, Luis:  Hi, General Dave!

General Dave:  Hi, Everybody! I'm General Dave, the Fornicating General!  Today's show is brought to you by the Letter A for Adultery.  

Big Bird: And by the number 69.

Fade Back In.

Elmo:  Or what if Elmo decide to join the Army? 

Fade Out to >>>>>> 

[Army Fight Song Plays]

Soldier No. 1:  What are your orders, General Elmo?  

General Elmo: Men, our next tactical move will be to initiate a Surge!

Soldier No. 2:  A Surge, General? 

General Elmo: Yes,  a great big strong thrust forward, hard and straight and penetrating and deep  .... and...... and ....

Soldier No. 3:  General Elmo!  General Elmo!!!  What's wrong, sir?!!!!!

Fade Back In.

Joe: You know what you fellas should have learned from the messes you got yourself into?

General Petraeus: What's that, Joe?

Joe: Reason flies out the window when a man's pecker is straight.

Elmo: And that goes double for Elmo!

Joe:  All right, guys.  Closing time. 

Elmo:  Gracious thanks, Joseph!  C'mon, General .... Elmo and General go to hot after-hours club.  

General Petraeus: Know a good one, my furry little LGBT friend?

Elmo: Elmo sure do!  Same one Anthony Weiner and Lance Armstrong  get thrown out of every day at dawn.

General Petraeus:  Works for me.  Goodbye,  Joe. 

Joe:  Goodbye, fellas! 

Elmo:  Arrivederci, Joseph!

Joe:   Well, who knows, folks?  There just might be a sunny day for those two after all!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elmo,  think I'm gonna be sick!       General just can't hold liquor like 
                                                                       Elmo.